My boyfriend wants a triad, but......

U

UnicornLove

New member
I'm just NOT compatible with his wife. I'm in love with my boyfriend, we been together for a little over a year. However his wife and I just can't make it happen. Her and I aren't together, and never really was. She claims she wants a triad, but shows me something else.

What does a gal do when you can't ever see your boyfriend without his wife pissing you off??
 
See your boyfriend without his wife present. That's a completely valid option. You don't HAVE to date your metamours!
 
Bluebird said:
See your boyfriend without his wife present. That's a completely valid option. You don't HAVE to date your metamours!
Click to expand...
This. You don't even have to LIKE your metamours. You don't have to meet your metamours if you don't like them. Keep dating your boyfriend without trying to get along with his wife.
 
I feel like it's a valid option as well. But she makes it impossible to get one-on-one time with him. Either it's him, her, and their child.....or we have to "sneak" to see each other every now and then. I do want one-on-one time though just so we can be us comfortably. But is it worth upsetting her and causing issues with them?
 
If she isn't willing to back off and let you see your boyfriend one-on-one, and he isn't willing to assert himself to her enough to get her to respect you as his partner, then I would write them both off and find a partner who respects me, with other partners, if he has any, who also respect me. Life's too short to waste it on someone who doesn't care enough to make an effort to be with you.
 
I recommend something a little different. Try talking to HER without him.
1. He says he wants a triad.
2. She may always around because he either tells her he wants it that way or because he agreed to that with her despite wanting it.

I've seen too many problems happen because metas believe their hinge is always honest when they're not.
 
UnicornLove said:
Either it's him, her, and their child.....or we have to "sneak" to see each other
Click to expand...
Hmm. Soooo... you're polyamorous in order to be "the other woman" in a monogamistic affair...?

:rolleyes:

Not that there's anything WRONG with that, in the greater scheme of this rickety Universe we inhabit.

However, IME, life is just TOO goddamned short to spend it slowly suffocating in your own bullsh!t. Either consciously accept Premise #1 (top of post), or change it into something that you WANT, which might necessitate the readiness to cut&run if things cannot be worked out to mutual satisfaction.
 
Last edited:
KC43 said:
If she isn't willing to back off and let you see your boyfriend one-on-one, and he isn't willing to assert himself to her enough to get her to respect you as his partner, then I would write them both off and find a partner who respects me, with other partners, if he has any, who also respect me. Life's too short to waste it on someone who doesn't care enough to make an effort to be with you.
Click to expand...

Yeah he's never said anything to her in front of me. But according to her, he says something all the time. She's just so stuck on this "not going how they discussed it" prior to seeking a girlfriend. She feels like it has to be the 2 of them or nothing at all.

But maybe I should consider that. Cause after a year, how much can one take ya know?
 
Vinccenzo said:
I recommend something a little different. Try talking to HER without him.
1. He says he wants a triad.
2. She may always around because he either tells her he wants it that way or because he agreed to that with her despite wanting it.

I've seen too many problems happen because metas believe their hinge is always honest when they're not.
Click to expand...

You have a good point. The last time her and I had a good talk we realized she didn't wanna be girlfriends anymore and she wanted to start over and learn me. But that was months ago with not much change. So, maybe another talk would be helpful
 
I feel like it's a valid option as well. But she makes it impossible to get one-on-one time with him.
Click to expand...

He's the one dating you, not her. While tempting to blame it on her? His time management is HIS job. If he's not doing his time management and making enough time alone for you? It's him not doing the job.

Don't let him blame shift it on to the wife. Don't you do it either.

But is it worth upsetting her and causing issues with them?
Click to expand...

That is also his job. If he is not meeting HER needs either, and she is upset? It's his job to sort it out with her and make some choices.

If it turns out he cannot meet both your needs? He has to make a call about where HE wants to spend HIS time. Rather than over scheduling himself and making nobody happy.

Galagirl
 
Ravenscroft said:
Hmm. Soooo... you're polyamorous in order to be "the other woman" in a monogamistic affair...?
Click to expand...

Sounds that way doesn't it? Lol smh. It gets very exhausting.

Life is just TOO goddamned short to spend it slowly suffocating in your own bullsh!t. Either consciously accept Premise #1 (top of post), or change it into something that you WANT, which might necessitate the readiness to cut&run if things cannot be worked out to mutual satisfaction.
Click to expand...

This thought came to mind last night funny you say. I love him and don't wanna lose him. But I might just have the dreaded conversation and tell him that her and I aren't gonna work and to see where we go from there
 
GalaGirl said:
He's the one dating you, not her. While tempting to blame it on her? His time management is HIS job. If he's not doing his time management and making enough time alone for you? It's him not doing the job.

Don't let him blame shift it on to the wife. Don't you do it either.



That is also his job. If he is not meeting HER needs either, and she is upset? It's his job to sort it out with her and make some choices.

If it turns out he cannot meet both your needs? He has to make a call about where HE wants to spend HIS time. Rather than over scheduling himself and making nobody happy.

Galagirl
Click to expand...

I COMPLETELY agree with this, you're right. And I never automatically blame her. However, what am I suppose to do when she let's it be known she's not fond of me being around at the moment?

(i.e. him and I were laying down together last night and he dozed off. We both were. She tapped him and told him to wake up. Shortly following that, she told him to sit up - resulting in me not being able to lay on him. About 10 mins later she called him over, laid up with him, and then they went to sleep. After that I just left the room. Who sticks around something so childish?)
 
She tapped him and told him to get up, but he's the one who chose not to say "thanks, but I'm comfortable here" and go back to sleep.
 
Hi UnicornLove,

Sorry you find yourself in such a frustrating situation. As the others have pointed out, the wife isn't the only culprit here, your boyfriend is also giving into the wife's demands and failing to balance things between her and you. Talking with her may help, but I would also talk to him and let him know you need him to step up to the plate.

That's how I see it right now in any case.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
However, what am I suppose to do when she let's it be known she's not fond of me being around at the moment?
Click to expand...

Go home. Don't be around in the moment. Then inform him you expect him to manage his calendar so you two have time together alone and you will not be hanging out with him and his wife any more.

(i.e. him and I were laying down together last night and he dozed off. We both were. She tapped him and told him to wake up. Shortly following that, she told him to sit up - resulting in me not being able to lay on him. About 10 mins later she called him over, laid up with him, and then they went to sleep. After that I just left the room. Who sticks around something so childish?)
Click to expand...

Exactly. If he's not setting boundaries with her? Then you can firm up your boundaries with him. Why are you sleeping over there where she can pester? Don't be there. He can share sleep with you at your place when he visits you there.

Date like a separate V. His time with you is (his time with you.) His time with her is (his time with her.) Separate.

Then you don't have to be dealing with this stuff.

Galagirl
 
nycindie said:
UnicornLove, are you actually bisexual and even attracted to her? Or have you only been trying to get involved with her because that's the "price of admission" in order to date this dude?
Click to expand...

I'm bisexual, yes. However, I have never been romantically involved with a "fem" per se. So, it's definitely different and I wanted to actually have a relationship with her. But over the last year and how I've been treated, I'm unfortunately not attracted to her anymore.
 
Emm said:
She tapped him and told him to get up, but he's the one who chose not to say "thanks, but I'm comfortable here" and go back to sleep.
Click to expand...

You read my mind. This point came to me this morning, but I thought I was being crazy. He tries to make both of us happy, so I thought I was maybe being inconsiderate for thinking that?
 
It doesn't seem to me that he's trying to make both of you happy. It seems that he's trying to make *her* happy and just saying he wants to make you happy. Actions speak louder than words.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top