Welcome.
Recently, she mentioned her interest in me inviting a person into a V-relationship with me.
What does it
mean when you say your GF wants you to get another GF? That she's not going to date that GF, she just wants to be in a poly V? For what purpose?
I don't often hear of people going, "Ohh, I want to be a metamour to someone new SO BAD! BF, go get me one!"
Is it that your GF wants to poly date herself and is egging you on first so she doesn't have to feel bad about it? Couldn't she go ahead and poly date on her side on her own, and agree to leave you to deal with your own side and whether or not you want to poly date right now? Like, the option is there on both sides, but you each decide to exercise it or not?
Do YOU even want polyamory? If you weren't with this GF, would you have explored it on your own anyway?
This is a new concept for me, but I'm open to exploring it, even though I recognize that it comes with its own set of challenges and uncertainties.
"Exploring it" means WHAT at this time? Just talking it out with your GF, reading books, listening to podcasts, but not actually poly dating yet? Or did you plan to hop on some apps and start seeking a new GF for yourself, one who is ok with being in a poly V, this week?
I'm looking for guidance on how to educate myself about the advantages and disadvantages of this kind of relationship, as well as how to maintain a healthy and long-lasting three-way relationship.
A basic healthy relationship wheel
is here. But what do you mean by a "three-way relationship"? Do you think all three of you will be dating each other? There's nothing wrong with a separate, parallel poly V, where metas are basic polite to each other if they happen to run into each other or answer the phone. But they don't hang out together and don't have to be pals.
Or do you mean casual group sex? Group sex is not a requirement in polyamory. It is a thing of its own. Or do you mean something else?
I think you could slow your roll. Make sure you and GF are using words the same, to mean the same things.
You could do some reading online. There are many websites, but you could start with:
There are other books like
Open Deeply ,
Love in Abundance, and
Smart Girl's Guide, but you could read
Opening Up online, for free, to start.
Talk to GF about how this could end well, and how to break up decently if that needs to happen. It might end up with everyone single again, or paired off differently than the "original couple + those other people." Sometimes that happens.
Talk about how it could end poorly and how to avoid that scenario.
If you cannot talk about breaking up when things are calm, you could ask yourselves why not. Basically, do a risk/fitness assessment and see if you even want to go there. A mere willingness to explore something doesn't mean one is actually prepared and has the skills to be able to it well, so I suggest going slowly and educating yourself first.
Just because your GF did it before doesn't mean you are automatically compatible to do it together, or that she's the "poly expert" and you as the newbie have to do what she says, how she wants it. Think for yourself. How do you want to practice poly or other kinds of non-monogamy? You get to decide what models you are and are not up for. Your consent to do things or not belongs to you.
HTH!
Galagirl
