BasicallyANoob
New member
Hi all! This is my first time posting here, and it's a bit weird so please forgive me if I sound uncanny. 
I bet there have been similar threads to the one I'm about to start, but I have trouble knowing what terms to search for. In very short, I need advice on whether this is for me or not.
Some context: I am in a very happy relationship with my current girlfriend. One of the things I really appreciate about it, and hold dear to my heart, is that we are both able to be very honest about ourselves. We regularly tell each other what we're feeling, without barriers, and I understand that is very valuable. I think communication is key to a happy life, more often than not.
She happens to still be exploring her sexuality in many ways. One of them is that she recently realized she's into girls, and specifically, as it became clear, she thinks a lot about a friend of hers who makes regular advances on her. We have talked about it a lot, and played around with the idea.
If I may be graphical for a minute, on a mutual agreement that everything goes in fantasy, I helped her imagine what it would be like with that friend of hers, and seeing how it made her feel in that moment I felt what I think you guys call compersion. It was arousing to no end to see her feeling so happy from another person who loved her. Not only that, but it felt...beautiful? It's a weird thing. I was really happy for her. She subsequently hinted very strongly at the fact that she would perhaps want it to happen, and be more of a polyamorous relationship type deal than an aside excursion, if that makes sense (I'm new to all this so I may be completely wrong here).
I know I'm describing her as very shifty in the above paragraph, while I said we were very honest with each other. So what's going on? Well, there are two reasons. The first I think, and she hinted at that as well, is that she is still discovering her interest for girls, and perhaps feels like it is easier if I, or her friend, take the initiative rather than the other way around. The other reason is the same reason I'm here. She's confused and doesn't know herself if that's true or not.
Which brings me to myself. I am here because I need some kind of input from people who live this lifestyle already. I feel oddly fine with it, and even happy for her if it were to happen, but also I cannot help but wonder if I'm being blinded by love/lust. I am not attracted to this friend of hers, so that's not the point. But I guess my worry is, what if I allow it to happen and then instantly regret it and find out that there's no coming back? Put it another way, how do I know if it's for me? How did you know?
The way she was describing her feelings seemed genuine and beautiful to me. I guess I should also point out that part of me wants her to experience this side of her sexuality that she has just discovered, and experience love in a different way. If I can be allowed to be at her side while she does (metaphorically I mean—at least at first) then I really feel like I do not mind. More than not minding, it would actually make me very happy.
Another thing I should point out is that, because of unfortunate circumstances, she and I cannot see each other for extended periods of time and live in two countries very far apart. That friend of hers would be close to her everyday, and I don't know how that would affect the dynamic of it.
I know this is a ton, so I'll cut it short. TL;DR How do I know it's for me and won't make me miserable? I feel conflicted—leaning more on the side of "yes please!" but also a part of me that says, "god no!"
Thank you very much for reading. Sorry if I said anything wrong, or if I'm not in the right place or anything. I barely know anything about this type of relationship, and am willing to learn.
Cheers.
I bet there have been similar threads to the one I'm about to start, but I have trouble knowing what terms to search for. In very short, I need advice on whether this is for me or not.
Some context: I am in a very happy relationship with my current girlfriend. One of the things I really appreciate about it, and hold dear to my heart, is that we are both able to be very honest about ourselves. We regularly tell each other what we're feeling, without barriers, and I understand that is very valuable. I think communication is key to a happy life, more often than not.
She happens to still be exploring her sexuality in many ways. One of them is that she recently realized she's into girls, and specifically, as it became clear, she thinks a lot about a friend of hers who makes regular advances on her. We have talked about it a lot, and played around with the idea.
If I may be graphical for a minute, on a mutual agreement that everything goes in fantasy, I helped her imagine what it would be like with that friend of hers, and seeing how it made her feel in that moment I felt what I think you guys call compersion. It was arousing to no end to see her feeling so happy from another person who loved her. Not only that, but it felt...beautiful? It's a weird thing. I was really happy for her. She subsequently hinted very strongly at the fact that she would perhaps want it to happen, and be more of a polyamorous relationship type deal than an aside excursion, if that makes sense (I'm new to all this so I may be completely wrong here).
I know I'm describing her as very shifty in the above paragraph, while I said we were very honest with each other. So what's going on? Well, there are two reasons. The first I think, and she hinted at that as well, is that she is still discovering her interest for girls, and perhaps feels like it is easier if I, or her friend, take the initiative rather than the other way around. The other reason is the same reason I'm here. She's confused and doesn't know herself if that's true or not.
Which brings me to myself. I am here because I need some kind of input from people who live this lifestyle already. I feel oddly fine with it, and even happy for her if it were to happen, but also I cannot help but wonder if I'm being blinded by love/lust. I am not attracted to this friend of hers, so that's not the point. But I guess my worry is, what if I allow it to happen and then instantly regret it and find out that there's no coming back? Put it another way, how do I know if it's for me? How did you know?
The way she was describing her feelings seemed genuine and beautiful to me. I guess I should also point out that part of me wants her to experience this side of her sexuality that she has just discovered, and experience love in a different way. If I can be allowed to be at her side while she does (metaphorically I mean—at least at first
) then I really feel like I do not mind. More than not minding, it would actually make me very happy.Another thing I should point out is that, because of unfortunate circumstances, she and I cannot see each other for extended periods of time and live in two countries very far apart. That friend of hers would be close to her everyday, and I don't know how that would affect the dynamic of it.
I know this is a ton, so I'll cut it short. TL;DR How do I know it's for me and won't make me miserable? I feel conflicted—leaning more on the side of "yes please!" but also a part of me that says, "god no!"
Thank you very much for reading. Sorry if I said anything wrong, or if I'm not in the right place or anything. I barely know anything about this type of relationship, and am willing to learn.
Cheers.
You're absolutely correct, and of course it's not so much about me sharing as it is about her exploring.
