Hello all. I'm a 46 yo male in a committed marriage of 18 years. My wife and I have a 15 yo boy together. I have been the higher desire partner, in terms of sexuality and physical touch in general, really since our son was born. This was an okay situation for years, and one that got better and worse like seasons passing. The last 4-5 years, however, have become untenable. We have the same conversations 2-3 times a year, and nothing fundamentally changes. To push my needs for physical intimacy and touch aside, and to make day-to-day life workable and even fun, I took to drinking beer daily and would often hide how much I drank from my wife. The drinking never got in the way of my work, nor did it ever lead to failures to engage with our son's upbringing or to any kind of aggression or violence. It did, however, take a toll on my health.
As of 3 weeks ago, I resolved to quit drinking in the interest of losing weight and normalizing some blood levels that were starting to trend in the wrong direction. This time of sobriety has revealed one significant trigger for me: My wife's general lack of desire to engage in any regular physical intimacy with me. We have had a couple of conversations over the past two weeks about the possibility of opening up our marriage in some way to relieve us both of the need to "solve the problem" of her nonexistent libido. We haven't made any firm decisions or agreements, but something has to fundamentally change going forward. Joining this forum is one of the ways I am exploring the possibilities for both of us.
As an initial exercise, I want to describe how I see our relationship in the poly terms as I understand them. Please step in and help me out if I mis-state anything. My wife has essentially said that she has no desire for anyone to touch her. We have both agreed that we love each other dearly, and we share more than enough in terms of interests, beliefs, and values to remain together as partners. Divorce has not come up in any serious way at this point. Therefore, at least in the beginning, the most appropriate configuration would seem to be a hierarchical mono/poly arrangement, with my wife being my primary/nesting partner. I would be seeking a second female partner to share a connection with as part of a triad, within which I would be the hinge. Again, please correct my terminology as needed.
Finally, I would appreciate any advice from the community. Is this an arrangement that commonly comes up? I know I've seen some debate on the interwebs as to whether or not mono/poly arrangements are really workable. What are the thoughts around these parts on that issue? I live in central Arkansas, and I'm concerned I won't be able to find anyone interested in this sort of companionship. What are the best ways to begin connecting with others in my geographic location? Dating apps? Facebook groups? Other avenues? Should I expect it to be especially difficult for someone in my situation to find such a partner (not after a unicorn of any sort, btw)?
If you made it this far, thanks for reading such a long intro, and thanks in advance for any thoughts/advice.
Peace.
As of 3 weeks ago, I resolved to quit drinking in the interest of losing weight and normalizing some blood levels that were starting to trend in the wrong direction. This time of sobriety has revealed one significant trigger for me: My wife's general lack of desire to engage in any regular physical intimacy with me. We have had a couple of conversations over the past two weeks about the possibility of opening up our marriage in some way to relieve us both of the need to "solve the problem" of her nonexistent libido. We haven't made any firm decisions or agreements, but something has to fundamentally change going forward. Joining this forum is one of the ways I am exploring the possibilities for both of us.
As an initial exercise, I want to describe how I see our relationship in the poly terms as I understand them. Please step in and help me out if I mis-state anything. My wife has essentially said that she has no desire for anyone to touch her. We have both agreed that we love each other dearly, and we share more than enough in terms of interests, beliefs, and values to remain together as partners. Divorce has not come up in any serious way at this point. Therefore, at least in the beginning, the most appropriate configuration would seem to be a hierarchical mono/poly arrangement, with my wife being my primary/nesting partner. I would be seeking a second female partner to share a connection with as part of a triad, within which I would be the hinge. Again, please correct my terminology as needed.
Finally, I would appreciate any advice from the community. Is this an arrangement that commonly comes up? I know I've seen some debate on the interwebs as to whether or not mono/poly arrangements are really workable. What are the thoughts around these parts on that issue? I live in central Arkansas, and I'm concerned I won't be able to find anyone interested in this sort of companionship. What are the best ways to begin connecting with others in my geographic location? Dating apps? Facebook groups? Other avenues? Should I expect it to be especially difficult for someone in my situation to find such a partner (not after a unicorn of any sort, btw)?
If you made it this far, thanks for reading such a long intro, and thanks in advance for any thoughts/advice.
Peace.
