Hello - My name is Joe and I am just starting my journey exploring poly community. So much to learn… alll the different “flavors” are a bit overwhelming.
I've been married almost twenty years, but my wife and I have not been intimate since we conceived our second son, close to 18 years ago. That part of our relationship is long past and we have both agreed it is not something that is desired by either. We are good friends and support system. She fully supports my desire to seek companionship outside the marriage.
In investigating what that might look like, we have both been impressed by the very solid rules and guidelines that seem to exist in the poly community. Namely, clear communication, boundaries, and the never-ending focus on slowing down to understand and appreciate my own needs and wants in a relationship.
I have been sober for almost 27 years and done a ton of personal work to get clear about my past and current tendencies and “clean up my side of the street,” as it were, in particular, around co-dependency and looking for any one person to be “the one” who will fix me or fulfill me. Thus, I have worked hard these past few years on spending lots of time with myself and building a life separate from the marriage.
As I join this community, I really want to make sure I come in fully informed and aware of what it means. And, making sure I have done the homework to be a good poly partner.
I welcome any feedback or guidance that may be offered. I know from the start that it is best to start with friendly, easy-going dates, and to be clear upfront with boundaries and making sure I am honest and open about my situation. Also, I don’t want to feel like I need to apologize for my situation. Thus I am hopeful the poly community is a place where different situations are appreciated and understood.
Thank you to the moderators for creating a safe place to learn and grow. It is intimidating… but I feel a great deal of hope for finding healthy, fun connections.
I've been married almost twenty years, but my wife and I have not been intimate since we conceived our second son, close to 18 years ago. That part of our relationship is long past and we have both agreed it is not something that is desired by either. We are good friends and support system. She fully supports my desire to seek companionship outside the marriage.
In investigating what that might look like, we have both been impressed by the very solid rules and guidelines that seem to exist in the poly community. Namely, clear communication, boundaries, and the never-ending focus on slowing down to understand and appreciate my own needs and wants in a relationship.
I have been sober for almost 27 years and done a ton of personal work to get clear about my past and current tendencies and “clean up my side of the street,” as it were, in particular, around co-dependency and looking for any one person to be “the one” who will fix me or fulfill me. Thus, I have worked hard these past few years on spending lots of time with myself and building a life separate from the marriage.
As I join this community, I really want to make sure I come in fully informed and aware of what it means. And, making sure I have done the homework to be a good poly partner.
I welcome any feedback or guidance that may be offered. I know from the start that it is best to start with friendly, easy-going dates, and to be clear upfront with boundaries and making sure I am honest and open about my situation. Also, I don’t want to feel like I need to apologize for my situation. Thus I am hopeful the poly community is a place where different situations are appreciated and understood.
Thank you to the moderators for creating a safe place to learn and grow. It is intimidating… but I feel a great deal of hope for finding healthy, fun connections.
