mountaingirl
Active member
Hey everyone!
I posted on here a while ago asking for advice on loving two men at one time (Jo (my husband, we recently got married! ) and our friend P). I was given advice to chill out essentially and let them work through their feelings on their own (thanks @GalaGirl) and things have been pretty awesome lately! It's still really new, so my husband Jo occasionally gets intense feelings about P and I being intimate, but making a few adjustments has helped. For eg., Jo gets upset when he wakes up alone (sometimes I end up falling asleep on the couch with P, we all live in a one bedroom apartment until August lol) so I have started making a point, even if I do fall asleep with P, getting up and being there for Jo in the morning. P and I also aren't having sex, by Jo's request, and honestly it hasn't been a hard promise to stick to (for now). It's nice having an outside influence to slow things between me and P down, I think I need that as I have a lot of career stuff going on and don't want to feel overwhelmed. I do know if we ever do have sex it will cause feelings for Jo that we'll have to work through, but we'll deal with that when it comes up. I genuinely enjoy getting to show both of them how much I love them. I've found that not using labels has helped... I feel as if Jo is my partner, and P is a very good friend to both of us. If I had to find a definition, it would definitely be an example of "kitchen table poly"... Jo and I make dinner and P does the dishes... sometimes I do nothing which is also nice It has also been helpful to not expect them to communicate about some things. I had an expectation early on that they would both become as close with each other as they are with me. While they are really good friends, I don't think either of them are ready to open up to each other on a super deep emotional level right now or ever...I am really the only person they do that with, and as long as I don't start taking on their feelings as my own I can be there for them without hurting myself. I read somewhere else on this forum that a pro of MFM Vs is that the woman can go to one man to complain about the other and he can offer a male perspective... SO true! Instead of 1000% siding with me like my friends do, both Jo and P explain where the other may be coming from and it makes things a lot easier. No advice needed here, just really happy and enjoying the process
I posted on here a while ago asking for advice on loving two men at one time (Jo (my husband, we recently got married! ) and our friend P). I was given advice to chill out essentially and let them work through their feelings on their own (thanks @GalaGirl) and things have been pretty awesome lately! It's still really new, so my husband Jo occasionally gets intense feelings about P and I being intimate, but making a few adjustments has helped. For eg., Jo gets upset when he wakes up alone (sometimes I end up falling asleep on the couch with P, we all live in a one bedroom apartment until August lol) so I have started making a point, even if I do fall asleep with P, getting up and being there for Jo in the morning. P and I also aren't having sex, by Jo's request, and honestly it hasn't been a hard promise to stick to (for now). It's nice having an outside influence to slow things between me and P down, I think I need that as I have a lot of career stuff going on and don't want to feel overwhelmed. I do know if we ever do have sex it will cause feelings for Jo that we'll have to work through, but we'll deal with that when it comes up. I genuinely enjoy getting to show both of them how much I love them. I've found that not using labels has helped... I feel as if Jo is my partner, and P is a very good friend to both of us. If I had to find a definition, it would definitely be an example of "kitchen table poly"... Jo and I make dinner and P does the dishes... sometimes I do nothing which is also nice It has also been helpful to not expect them to communicate about some things. I had an expectation early on that they would both become as close with each other as they are with me. While they are really good friends, I don't think either of them are ready to open up to each other on a super deep emotional level right now or ever...I am really the only person they do that with, and as long as I don't start taking on their feelings as my own I can be there for them without hurting myself. I read somewhere else on this forum that a pro of MFM Vs is that the woman can go to one man to complain about the other and he can offer a male perspective... SO true! Instead of 1000% siding with me like my friends do, both Jo and P explain where the other may be coming from and it makes things a lot easier. No advice needed here, just really happy and enjoying the process