Hi, I’m new to poly and having trouble finding another partner. I’m married and my wife has a partner, but I don’t have any luck. As soon as I mention I’m poly or married, they ghost me. I live in a somewhat rural town and it’s getting frustrating that I can’t make a connection with anyone. Any help would be appreciated. I hope I posted this in the right place.
New to poly and having trouble
- Thread starter Tjw
- Start date
It's much harder to find local polyamorous or poly-friendly people to date in a small town. Polyamory is a new form of relationship, relatively speaking, and most people don't understand it.
You might have more luck telling people you do ethical non-monogamy. However, depending on your age, if you're in a conservative environment, most people are dating to find Mr or Ms Right, and expect to settle down, get married and have kids. They may think they can't do this with someone who is already married.
Do you have kids? Do you and your wife want kids?
Tips:
Join a dating site like Feeld and expect to have to travel to be able to date people in person who might share your mindset.
If you're pretty young, and most women near your age are husband-hunting and want kids of their own, consider dating older women who may be single, divorced, already have kids, have money of their own, and/or aren't looking to live together.
Are you open to having someone become a co-primary, or are you telling women you meet that they would have to be your secondary?
Check out our "Golden Nuggets" section. You will find articles, books, a podcast and former threads that discuss this (and many other common poly) topics.
Good luck!
You might have more luck telling people you do ethical non-monogamy. However, depending on your age, if you're in a conservative environment, most people are dating to find Mr or Ms Right, and expect to settle down, get married and have kids. They may think they can't do this with someone who is already married.
Do you have kids? Do you and your wife want kids?
Tips:
Join a dating site like Feeld and expect to have to travel to be able to date people in person who might share your mindset.
If you're pretty young, and most women near your age are husband-hunting and want kids of their own, consider dating older women who may be single, divorced, already have kids, have money of their own, and/or aren't looking to live together.
Are you open to having someone become a co-primary, or are you telling women you meet that they would have to be your secondary?
Check out our "Golden Nuggets" section. You will find articles, books, a podcast and former threads that discuss this (and many other common poly) topics.
Good luck!
Hello Tjw,
I sympathize with your frustrating situation, as I know married men usually have a much harder time finding someone to date than married women. People have argued at length about why this seems to be the case, but that doesn't change the reality of the situation. You will have to be very patient, I know that probably isn't what you wanted to hear. Magdlyn also gave you some good advice.
Hang in there,
Kevin T.
I sympathize with your frustrating situation, as I know married men usually have a much harder time finding someone to date than married women. People have argued at length about why this seems to be the case, but that doesn't change the reality of the situation. You will have to be very patient, I know that probably isn't what you wanted to hear. Magdlyn also gave you some good advice.
Hang in there,
Kevin T.