You could be honest and say "Nope. I'm not ready at this time" and then leave him to deal with the pressure lady. You aren't dating her. It is not your problem if she pressures him.
If he's "passing the buck" or pressuring you, that's another story.
You may also consider talking to someone OUTSIDE this system. Maybe a poly friendly counselor or trusted friend.
The people we date may be lovely, but it's not like they don't have horse in the race.
To balance that out, you may also consider talking to someone OUTSIDE this system. Maybe a poly friendly counselor or trusted friend.
You need your own support system
apart from the people you date. Worse case scenario and there's a break up? What then? You seek comfort from your exes about the break up? No. You seek comfort from your support system -- friends, family, etc.
Best case? Things work out and you carry on? Great! You have support inside the system AND outside the system you can turn to.
I think you have to answer that for yourself. What brought you here to this polyship? Why did you say yes? What are the actual agreements here? Are people holding them up? What is expected behavior? Are people doing it?
Maybe you start thinking about relationships as
participatory.
Not like him
having another gf, or
having french fries, or
having a day off. But how people actually
participate here.
What behaviors YOU need to stop/start doing? BF to start/stop doing?
So you can give
continuing consent to keep participating in his poly network if he chooses to add more people to it. Because if you consented at the start for one kind of of poly arrangement, that doesn't mean you are up for all and sundry.
These may or may not help you figure out what you are and are not up for:
New Book Review by Kathy Labriola: MY JOURNEY: from Chinese Communist to American Polyamorist by Sonia Song Click HERE Consensual Non-monogamy Fact Sheet from the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy (OPEN) website Great New Fact Sheet from OPEN! New article by Kathy about 5 great
www.kathylabriola.com
There’s nothing wrong with you if polyamory isn’t your jam, relationship structures are plentiful
medium.com
Wagner did a jealousy article here
Labriola has a jealousy workbook here.
The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships [Labriola, Kathy] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships
www.amazon.com
I think it is fine to feel envy or jealousy. It's fine to feel happy or sad. We are alive. Something happens, we feel things.
The goals is not to erase feelings. It's to be willing to experience them and figure out what's going on with that. Enjoy them if they are fun ones, weather it out if they are not so fun. Sunny days and story skies.
If the feelings are
chronically coming up bad over and over? It's a signal to listen to the warning that this situation may not be so great and it's time to bow out.
You can find a better poly situation elsewhere without these people who participate poorly.
Or you just don't want poly for a while or at all. YOU get to pick how you want to be living your life.
GL!
Galagirl