Newbie here


New member
Hello All,

New here, looking for allies for understanding. I am attempting this again with my wife of 8 years. I am a trans man and she is a cis female. We are both looking to find another for us each, or one to thrupple with. A unicorn. 🦄 I know. But what are some things to be aware of coming into the life, or to seek out for benefits?!
New to poly? Start at the beginning. Date separately. Poly is hard enough; please don't start on expert mode.

Read lots of books together and discuss extensively. Listen to podcasts. Figure out what you each as individuals want and need. Understand if you do this your current relationship will end and a new, completely different one will have to develop. You will grieve your current relationship and the future you dreamed of. You will step into a new level of discomfort that will either help you grow immensely or tear you apart.

Doing poly is work. That work is VERY REWARDING for those who really do it. It is not as easy as "just dating someone new."

My advice, if you really want to make this work, is to take a year to be serious about it, learn all you can and find a good poly therapist to help. Then start dating parallel. Take one step at a time, working through each situation as it happens.

If you are really thinking of going the unicorn route, search threads here and read them to see the pitfalls.
Couple questions to consider, if not answer here (though more context might yield better advice):
  • You said you're "trying this again". What happened when you tried it before?
  • What does each of you hope to get out of polyamory? Why are each of you pursuing it?
Greetings GraffitiJack,

Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

The most important thing in poly is mutual consent, and second only to that is communication. Keep the channels of communication open. Be honest, transparent, and respectful. Be a good listener, and get lots of practice at these things. Anyone can improve their communication skills. It's a lifetime learning process.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
I’m new too! Looking for my true sister-wife family. I have been wanting this for years and decided in my forties to find it.
I’m new too! Looking for my true sister-wife family. I have been wanting this for years and decided in my forties to find it.

Please create your own introduction post and feel free to ask any questions you'd like about modern polyamory. :)