Newer to poly here

Dcb1190

New member
So the gf and I have been wanting to add another female into our lives shes bi and enjoys the company of both but weve had trouble finding such a person no dating sites work most are trash. We are loving friendly enjoy partying on occasions but still no luck is there a good place to go or site to use or local group were from clarksburg wv btw
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Seeking a unicorn, a hot bi babe, is difficult on any dating site or in real life for several reasons. This is a good explanation.

 

Dcb1190

New member
Maybe unicorn was a poor choice of words essentially were looking to add another female who would be included into anything and everything. So I apologize if it came out harsh or offensive. I'm still learning about this as well we have had an experience which she did enjoy and wanted to share that love with another for long term if that makes more sense
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
Welcome.

It's sounds like you want a relationship, and not like a one time threesome thing.

Though it might be easiest to imagine as "Just like before, only adding a third!" it might be worthwhile to rethink it. Emotionally it might feel more like "We are breaking up on purpose to start a new relationship model with a new partner or partners." So don't be caught off guard if after the initial "Whee! This is exciting!" NRE stuff wears off, you maybe face some sadness and don't know where it came from. Poly has a way of shining a light on things.

I get the idea of sharing a new GF seems exciting, but it also makes your dating opportunities slimmer in an already smaller dating pool. Basically you are asking

Are you up for poly?
If so... are you up for poly dating both of us? Like a triad, one of the hardest models because it's 3 V"s stacked up together?
If so... are you up for doing all that when we are brand new to polyamory in general?

That's a tall order.

Before jumping into poly dating and seeking a new partner, you might consider reading the pitfalls to help you stay out of common mistakes.


Might also think about the work of detangling.

Here's some other links. Not comprehensive, but a start.



These are the worksheets from the "Opening Up" book.

Wayback Machine
Creating Authentic Relationships

Wayback Machine
Open Relationship Checklist

Wayback Machine
Reflecting on Change

Wayback Machine
Self Evaluation

Pandemic makes things a little tougher, but check in your area for poly munches or meetups that are doing their gatherings online during COVID. Not as much to start dating, but to start learning. Since online is online, might also check out other munches or meetups in other areas for now, and then when you get closer to dating focus more locally.

It is not uncommon for a couple to take a year or more in preparation.

It is also not uncommon for a couple to just jump in underprepared, and make a mess.

You get to pick how you want to navigate this.

Not trying to be a wet blanket... Just sayin' tread with caution.

HTH!
Galagirl
 

Dcb1190

New member
I appreciate all the information and how helpful everyone so far has been but yes I suppose the v is the closest thing or is the thing were looking for a normal relationship with an extra person. Weve been talking about this for quite some time were not opposed to threesomes or hookups but do prefer more long term arrangement. Again thank everyone for being so kind and helpful
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
I appreciate all the information and how helpful everyone so far has been but yes I suppose the v is the closest thing or is the thing were looking for a normal relationship with an extra person. Weve been talking about this for quite some time were not opposed to threesomes or hookups but do prefer more long term arrangement. Again thank everyone for being so kind and helpful
A V would be a poly configuration where one partner is the hinge, and has 2 romantic/sexual partners. Those 2 partners are not involved sexually or romantically, although occasionally they may become friends over time. Their relationship should never be forced just to please the hinge though. And that can and does happen, and people bury their discomfort with it, and it can end up going sideways.

Try reading the book that some of GG's links came from: Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino. She covers all the different ways to do ethical non-monogamy, including swinging and polyamory. Swingers do try to keep the original couple intact, and not form deep relationships with sex partners. No one is allowed to become a co-primary. Things stop at friendship and sexual attraction. There is no dating one-on-one with outside partners.

In polyamory, if there is a central couple, they may try to find a person to share (as the Unicorn Hunter article goes into). But in general, both members of the couple are seeking different things in a new significant other. (You are individuals, after all.) Usually, one person can not satisfy the true needs of both members of an established couple. They can seem to, for a brief period of infatuation, new relationship energy, pink fluffy hormonal lust lala clouds, but when those rose-colored glasses come off, the triad breaks up, 99% of the time.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello Dcb1190,
Here are some links that might help:
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations

Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

Also you can look for a poly group in your area by googling "Clarksburg polyamory" or "West Virginia polyamory."

Hope that helps,
Kevin T.
 

Dcb1190

New member
Thank you so much are any of those free not pay to talk ive tried a few and no luck we are into older stuff I actually do blacksmithing on occasions ive made knives axes shields boxes a ring more viking style
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Impressive! You may be able to join a blacksmithing group, or even get involved with a local Ren Faire. As for the dating sites I listed, I think some of them are free but I don't know which ones. I know OKCupid has a free version, but from what I've heard it's not very good.
 
Top