Once again, thank you all so much for your support and kind words.It really helps to hear from smart strong women like yourselves who understand and care.
I want to address this:
Another thought, on Punk...
Sometimes when we have had people who took everything we had to give and then some, when we have a wonderful person we love and they are suffering and we cannot fix it (your pain and problems and such)...it creates an unbearable stress. You do nothing to try and burden Punk with these problems, but he loves you and knows you have them and he can't do anything. This can cause people of some mentalities to withdraw, especially if they are already overwhelmed with their own life stuff.
...Thing that sucks about this is, there isn't anything you're doing wrong here, or should do differently, to pull him back in. It's a waiting game. You take care of yourself, and he needs to take care of himself.
Your thoughts are very valid, but I think, thankfully, this is not the case. I've had back issues the whole time I've known Punk. He has a permanently messed up shoulder from his accident as a postman. We've always just kind of allowed for this and taken care of each other, giving each other massages, finding sexual positions we can both sustain without injury, etc. He's been low income and I have given him food all along, cooking for him or cooking together. In return, he has been giving, doing dishes, and giving me lovely little gifts of his artwork. We usually walk the dog together, which is a pleasant activity. I think it's been a balanced give and take.
I don't feel I ask too much in terms of care. Sure, he may be a people pleaser, but I have made sure not to take advantage of him in the past, and I am not asking for tons more care even now. I am certainly not asking for him to self sacrifice in any way, especially now.
I don't get the feeling he feels overwhelmed by my physical needs now that I am in more pain. I only became aware of the disc issues 10 days ago, and he's been pulling away from me for 5 1/2 weeks.
I do recall an experience my aunt had a few years ago. She is a very introverted devout Christian lady. She was married once for 20 years, to a man who turned out to be an alcoholic. When he passed away, she was single for maybe 15 years. Then she met a man. She was 75, he was 80. They dated for close to a year. It was kind of adorable. He was a widower and had taken care of his wife as she gradually succumbed to cancer.
One day, my aunt, an independent tough old bird, was standing on her guest bed rehanging freshly washed curtains. She fell off the bed backwards and broke her neck. She survived but had to wear a neck brace, and needed followup doctor's visits. Her bf dumped her, saying he couldn't deal with her needs, since he'd become exhausted by having cared for his wife for several long hard years.
it was very sad, and I felt so badly for her. Yet, you can't blame the guy for just wanting to have a "good time," and bailing when my aunt had these new health needs.
I don't get the impression that Punk equates my current back issues with having cared for his mom. After all, Pixi does the majority of care that I need. I was only seeing Punk twice a week, totalling maybe 10 hours a week tops.
It's just him discovering himself. Sussing out his opportunities as he grieves. It's a lot to deal with.
Check in with him to make sure he knows the door is always open, the light of love shining out onto the porch, whenever he's feeling aligned enough to come and share it with you. Remind him of the things that you value, and try to keep the pressure off. It's all you can do.
I sure do miss him! I am still deciding how to proceed. I am still wondering what "friendship" with him will look like. I think I have decided I will wait another 5 days or so to contact him, letting some of the feelings on both our sides settle. Then we will go on from there, and find our "new normal." I am hurt, of course, and very disappointed he doesn't want to stay deeply connected now. I took a chance dating a man with his issues. I chose to take this risk. I can't whine and complain that he needs some space now.
I do get envious of this platonic female friend he has. They go way back, and she's been reaching out to him more lately. She's taken him to a beach one time during the day, then on a Boston Harbor cruise for which she'd gotten free tickets, and then she took him to another beach area to look at the meteor showers we were having last week. Those activities all read as "romantic" to me, even though he assures me the 2 of them are platonic. Just the same, I'd like to be doing those things with him! Of course, right now, my health has been preventing such activities anyway. I try to keep in mind to be thankful she is caring for him, lifting his mood.
He tells me there is no chance they will hook up. I think they were lovers once, like 10 years ago, and have long moved past that. She's got a bf and he listens to her vent about his poor treatment of her. Maybe he has told her about his interior struggles about our relationship as well.
I would hate it though, if the New Punk finds another woman to be romantic with, to have sex with, instead of coming back to me. I am only human... that would suck. But he's not the type to pursue anyone. I reached out to him on okc to begin with. Time will tell. I trust him to be honest with me.
So, in health news, Pixi drove me to our health clinic in Boston yesterday. By coincidence, she had a therapy appointment yesterday afternoon too. She hadnt had one since May, since she's been away so much.
I saw my PCP, got my prescription for Percocet, and an appointment at the NE Spine Center, for my epidural. That isn't for a month, but I can call now and then and see if I can get on a waiting list in case they have any cancellations.
The Percocets didn't seem to help much yesterday. I took a dose at 4 and another dose at 10. But then again, I was in the car or sitting up in waiting room chair for 5 hours total. Not good for the back.
When I got up today, however, I am feeling a little better. Perhaps it just took time for the meds to reach therapeutic levels. I can take 2 pills every 6 hours. Fingers crossed I can feel relatively comfortable until I get my cortisone injection. I'd love to be able to sleep in our bed next to Pixi. Lately I've had to sleep on the couch semi reclined.
This morning Pixi will drive me to the chiro and pick up an order for the new set of xrays he wants from me. He thinks he might be able to find some new adjustments he can give me that are covered by insurance.
It makes sense that he'd be all out of whack and not know which way is up right now...but it doesn't make it any easier for you 
