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[Magdlyn]

I'm happy to report that the visit with Rick went great! We still have great chemistry. He is a demon in bed. A very different style and different interests from Kahlo in many ways... I love variety!

He's all happy in his new place and I had fun seeing it all. It's from 1750, with lots of interesting nooks and crannies.

He's such a cutie. I love my hippie boyfriends. He came down to the door to greet me in this knee length midnight blue tunic coat thing, covered in stars. Red and black buffalo check pajama bottoms. Amish looking felt hat with a wide brim.

When we got to the bedroom he took off the tunic and was wearing a hairy looking fake fur vest (reminded me of a 1960s Sonny Bono lol) and a beautiful hand crafted Tree of Life pendant. He has long very curly black hair, back in a pony tail. As a proper Dom, he wore his clothes the whole time (although he doesn't always).

Funny, I've always liked blondes and gingers, but now I've got 2 Latin lovers. Punk was also dark haired (Mediterranean-- Sicilian/Israeli). It's quite a trend!

For some reason I'd remembered the drive to his place as over an hour, like an hour 15, but it was only 53 minutes. Not bad at all. Well worth it.

Now I wait and see how soon I get to see either guy again.

Pixi will be home from her working weekend by about noon Sunday. I invited K and Punk for dinner that night. I told K she could bring a friend... she hasn't had a bf in years but has really been wanting a partner (of either gender, though she prefers women), but she's just started dating a guy! She said she'd ask him if he wanted to come. Even if he doesn't, I can't wait to hear all about how it's going.

 

[Magdlyn]

Much has happened since my hopeful plans for my dinner last Sunday.

K got an extremely bad case of flu. She even spent a night in the hospital. She is currently staying with a local friend who is caring for her. She's over the worst of it (puking) and is now in that state of extreme exhaustion.

I texted Punk and told him dinner was cancelled. Between K and Pixi having health problems:

Pixi has been dealing with a dental crisis. She had a toothache for several months, in a molar. She sees a dentist every 3 months for a cleaning and checkup (special dispensation from state health insurance and SSI pays for this since she is handicapped in her arms and has had trouble brushing her teeth and avoided doing it regularly for a long time). She now brushes daily despite the discomfort, and gets a professional cleaning every 3 months too. But they took xrays and said there was no problem with her tooth. However, the dull pain continued.

Recently they told her that the filling in that tooth was cracked and needed to be replaced. She went in and had that done 8 days ago. However the pain then went from a 5 to an 8. She had to go to a weekend long planning meeting/retreat for her camp director job this past weekend. She came home early (Saturday evening before dinner instead of after breakfast on Sunday), she was in so much pain. We got her back to the dentist on Monday. (I had to drive her into Boston for that). They took another xray and determined there is an infection in the gum. And the tooth is "dead." There is a high chance is has a crack in it (xray doesn't show it, but it might be seen by dental surgeon with a microscope) causing the pain. Her dentist drilled into the root of each tooth to let any pus escape. The filling was replaced with a temporary. She was prescribed antibiotics.

She's been in agony all week, incapacited completely, despite the antibiotics and pain meds. I've been nursing her around the clock, trying my best to help her find any relief from pain, making sure she eats enough to be able to take her antibiotics and pain meds. She is taking big doses of ibuprofen, aspirin, and extra gabapentin. (She is prescribed gabapentinfor the nerve pain associated with her handicapped arms and upper body. Normally she takes 2, but it's OK to increase the dose to 4, so she's been doing that.)

Today we are going to a dental surgeon that takes MassHealth. Her fervent hope is to save the tooth, since she is missing a molar on the other side of her mouth already. (Her wisdom teeth are intact and straight, which helps.) But the insurance problem looms. Can we get coverage for a root canal and crown, or will it need to be pulled?

She is in so much pain, we have both been crying on and off all week. Her, from the pain, me from seeing her suffer. Feeling her pain vicariously.

It's been a very very tough week. I ran out yesterday and got her high dose probiotics to help her poor gut.

Meanwhile we had Valentine's Day! Of course, we were unable to celebrate properly. I got myself some candy, I got flowers for "us." I'd already gotten her a cute red cotton nightshirt decorated with hearts and lips and xoxo. I'd actually scored that at the thrift last week! It was a perfect gift, since she's been housebound and hasn't been getting dressed all week. Pixi has said again and again how bad she felt for not being able to get me presents or take me out for dinner. I told her forget about it! No big deal.

On Valentine's Day morning I sent greetings to Kahlo and Rick. (And 2 of my 3 kids.)

Rick responded within 3 minutes. We exchanged some affectionate words. Kahlo didn't respond until 4pm. The previous day, I had asked him to call me that day when he got a chance (since he doesn't like texting except for brief messages.) He said he would, but he didn't. So on Valentine's Day I asked him again to call me since I had "things to tell him." He did, right away. I told him about Pixi. He was concerned and supportive. We had a nice talk, he cheered me up with his funny and cute ways. He said he is pretty sure he is coming back to this area for the weekend and would be able to see me on Saturday. I hope so! That's tomorrow. After all the worry and work with Pixi being ill, it will be a nice break.

Pixi had one period of a slight lessening of pain on Valentine's Day night and managed to drive over to her bf's. He's been extremely worried about her and wanted to see her really badly. I had said, with her ill he should come here for once! But she felt well enough to drive over. It's only a 10 minute drive. He felt reassured to hold her and love her up. She only spent about 2 hours there. By the time she got home she was in extreme pain again. I had to med her up, get her in bed, get an ice pack for her jaw, and lie next to her and cuddle her. Luckily the pain lessened enough after 45 minutes that she rallied just enough to watch a romantic movie with me that I'd started recording from TCM while she was at her bf's (Gigi). So that was a little bit of fun.

I am glad we are getting in to the dental surgeon today... fingers crossed for progress and reduction of pain. This week really sucked.

Oh, and speaking of dentistry, I followed up on my own plan for dental health. Last week I got a cleaning. On Valentine's Day I went back for a small filling, and make an appointment for another small filling for early March. So, that was one bit of self care I did in the midst of all this Pixi stuff.

 

[Spork]

Sympathetic thoughts to Pixi. Dental problems are just the worst!

I hope things get better soon and the tooth can be saved.

 

[Magdlyn]

Sympathetic thoughts to Pixi. Dental problems are just the worst!

I hope things get better soon and the tooth can be saved.

Thanks, Spork. After a terrible week, Friday was a horrific nightmare.

We set off for the clinic that takes Masshealth, where our regular clinic said we could find a dental surgeon. When we got to that area of Boston, the address we had didn't exist. We had 1125 "T" Street on a card. There was no 1125. We went into 1135, which had an information desk, and after some calling of experts, we were told that the 1125 door was no longer existent, and the clinic had actually moved to 1290! We could see it in the distance down the street. Our regular clinic had given us an outdated card for this other clinic that had a dental surgeon.

We'd already parked in an (expensive) parking garage, so we set out walking down this loooong city block. I am out of shape from being sick for so long, so Pixi practically ran ahead and I followed at a slower pace. It was very windy and you had to lean into it. Not terribly cold or snowing or raining, thank gods.

When I got there and found the dental department of this 7 story high rise, Pixi was on line. She finally got forms to fill out. She had 3 pages. She was crying in pain the whole time. She could barely focus on the forms. She continued to sit there and cry for another hour. I finally called our regular clinic and found out Pixi had an appointment there that day that she'd scheduled weeks ago before the emergency visits! We would be able to make that appointment after this one.

Turns out the dental surgeon at this place wasn't available until May. When Pixi was finally seen, she was told that, and given 2 prescriptions, for an antibiotic and extra strength Naproxen. She already had an antibiotic and she can't take Naproxen, it gives her tinnitus. So she was set out on her merry way. A completely wasted visit.

Then we walked back down that long-ass block to where we'd parked. Pixi was insane from the pain. I was leading her and showing her where to go. When I turned to go to the side street with the garage, she said, where are we going? I said, this is where the garage is.

It was only a 10 minute drive to our usual health clinic. We got there and had an hour wait. Luckily we found street parking right outside the clinic. Pixi wanted to wait in the car so she could cry, but we both needed a bathroom so we decided to go in. When we went to the registration desk, I went all mama bear on the poor receptionist, telling her how much pain Pixi was in, how she'd had 3 emergency visits in the past week (2 there, 1 elsewhere), no she didn't want to be fitted for a mouth guard (the original plan). She needed to see a dentist ASAP!

She ended up getting in to the dentist 15 minutes early (after crying on my shoulder for 45 minutes) and getting some blessed Novocaine. I didn't find out what happened til later. I sat there for an hour and 15 minutes alone. The waiting room emptied out. The receptionists took the elevator down at 5:00. (This is the 6th floor). Some medical person came out of the exam room area to leave, and asked me if I was waiting for someone. I said, yes, Pixi. She said, she'll be out in 2 minutes.

THEN, an alarm started to go off! A recorded voice said, "There is an emergency in the building. Proceed immediately to the stairs and leave the building."

What in the actual fuck? So this alarm keeps going off, and I'm sitting tight. I'm not leaving without Pixi! In about 4 minutes, she emerges with the remaining dentists. We all head for the stairs and start going down. I manage to ask her, is your tooth pulled? She said yes. We get outside and go to our car. We hear sirens in the near distance. 2 fire trucks pull up and one parks right next to us, blocking us from leaving.

So we sit there, surrounded by trucks and lights and sirens and firefighters and hoses. 2 ladders go up from the truck next to us to the upper floors of the high rise there. The entire city block, restaurants on the ground floor, apartments above, the clinic, all are evacuated out onto the street.

It was so surreal, especially after our crazy day. But Pixi was feeling OK, still numb from the Novocaine. I was taking pix and videos of all the activity. We could smell burning plastic. Pixi heard a firefighter say there was an electrical outlet on fire.

Soon after that, the mini crisis was averted. We were able to leave and battle rush hour traffic all the way home.

 

[Magdlyn]

Crazy, huh?

We were exhausted. We needed to go get soft food. Also, Pixi had been sent out with no aftercare instructions, no extra gauze, no followup appointment. We'd seen her dentist on the street after we came out. She yelled at us, "Call Tuesday! Make appointment for 10 days!"

So we went to the grocery store in our town, still riding on our adrenaline. Got soft foods, gauze, drove home, let poor dog out, ate foods.

Pixi's tooth was cracked in many pieces. It came out in chunks. Some pieces were lodged down into her bone and the dentist was having trouble. She called in a more experienced dentist who gave her a course on the spot in how to cut the bone of the jaw to get the last bits of root out.

The dentist told Pixi this was normally done by an oral surgeon but because it was a Friday, and Monday was a holiday, and the MassHealth issue, they did the entire difficult extraction for her.

While the alarm was going off, the dentist was in Pixi's mouth with the needle and thread. Others were saying, we gotta go! The dentist was saying, I'm not leaving before suturing my patient!

Yikes. We were both traumatized. Since Friday we've been trying to catch up on sleep. We've had trouble sleeping, too much adrenaline. Too much pain. Pixi is swollen, and of course has a lot of healing to do in the gum and the jaw. Yesterday, Sunday, the swelling started to go down and she was feeling less pain.

 

[Spork]

My god, what a crazy mess.

And ya know, it drives me bonkers, I have conservative friends who argue against socialized medicine because they say that the quality of care would be so much worse if it weren't for good ol' capitalism. Bah! Our quality of care in the US sucks! I have friends in the UK who tell me how stunned they are at the things we deal with here.

I had a consultation with regard to my older son's wisdom teeth on Friday. The bottom ones are coming in sideways and need to come out soon, the upper ones...well, they could probably stay and be fine, likely for years to come, but of course we're being told that it would be best to get them all done at once and do only one recovery time on it. Problem is, with other expenses I've had lately, I really can't afford any of this. I'm going to apply for Care Credit and hope they approve me, but with my recent financial history including a bankruptcy just last year, who knows?

But yeah, my friends in certain other countries find it baffling that we have to consider not getting necessary medical treatment because we cannot afford to do it. Reality of being an American.

So glad that Pixi's tooth at least got out though. Here is hoping that the rush on finishing the job did not cause any problems in the work done, and she heals well.

 

[Magdlyn]

Thanks, Spork!

It's been a week since the extraction, and the healing is slow. Pixi is still taking ibuprofen for the pain and eating soft foods. But she's feeling some better and definitely on the road to recovery. She will have a followup dental appointment this week.

A couple days ago, our friend K texted. She's recovered from her flu and wanted to come visit. We were up for it. So she came last night. I'd bought a frozen pizza so she and I shared that, and I didn't need to do a major cooking job. I made biscuits for Pixi, and 3 scrambled eggs. Otherwise in the day all she'd had was yogurt and a bottled smoothie thing I'd bought her at the grocery store.

We caught up on news and had a lovely visit with K. She'd been SO dangerously sick from that puking flu. She'd been to a doctor and told she had flu, but one night she puked and was so weak she passed out. After she came to, she managed to call 911, but her voice was so weak they had trouble understanding her. But the ambulance came. She was told she could have died. She remembered hearing a nurse ask, "Is she dead?" when she arrived on the stretcher at the hospital!

So, she got fluids and care for 24 hours, and then spent a few days recovering at a friend's house. Yikes! I am so glad she didn't die, I love this woman.

She was well enough finally this week to go back to her passion of disc golfing. And she had another date with her new bf. We heard all about it. It's going great. He sounds like a good man. He's cute too, we saw a pic.

I also saw Kahlo this past Monday... we had a great reconnection. LDRs suck but I'm stuck with it for now, until his current job is over. He has to decide where to live permanently. It's a hard decision for him as he has family here and in Mexico, (and me here too!) but also loves California.

So. Here's hoping for continued health improvements for Pixi in the coming week, and a return to normal type activities for her and me!

 

[Magdlyn]

We are still more or less in a holding pattern with Pixi's tooth. She's had 2 slivers of bone or tooth work their way out of her gum, and she thinks there's at least one more still in there. She's extra fatigued. But she's eating regular foods again. And cooking! She cooked 3 times this week.

I'd done ALL the cooking, grocery shopping and cleanup and all other housework for 5 weeks. Shades of when I was a full time mom! Ugh. So glad she's back to cooking and more activities in general.

We've been enjoying each other more as far as bedroom/kink lately again too. I almost have a touch of a NRE type thing for her, hehe. Sweet.

We had 2 nor'easters in a week that really messed up our state and much of the Northeast. One rain and high windstorm affecting the coast and the high tide full moon issue. That storm didn't bother us here inland. But the next one was a foot of wet very heavy snow here. We lost power for 20 hours a few days ago. So many branches, huge limbs and entire trees are down. Just millions of them! We were lucky to get power back as fast as we did! Pixi and I took a drive out the day after the storm when we had no power and no coffee and wanted warmth and a cooked meal. We drove all over looking for a place that was open or didnt have an hour wait. We saw so much damage and ended up on 2 roads that were completely blocked with trees on power lines. It was quite an adventure! Quite exciting really.

I guess I've seen Kahlo a couple times since my last post. Things are going well as far as our relationship. His job is basically over in the western city, though he is still welcome to live there. The guy had health improvements.

So he's been spending more time back here, staying with his mom or brother and SIL. He's still trying to decide his future... living on savings, refining his ideas for a peace-based non-profit organisation, etc. He is very idealistic.

He's a grown man and fun to spend time with... I let him talk, vent, refine his ideas. I don't mind being one of his sounding boards, but he's got to make up his own mind.

I havent seen my son since Xmas what with Pixi's health. Soon we will have him over. We had a nice text chat the day of the storm when we lost power. I also have talked to my ex, my son's dad. My main income is from him, alimony. He is a contractor and didn't have a contract job for a few months. He finally found one, but it's out of state! His company is putting him up in a hotel in a northern city. He drives home on weekends. And my son told me my ex's gf has moved to an ashram to live and work! I'd had no idea of all this. It's been a month now since the changes. I don't know if my ex and his gf get to see each other at all anymore! They first met in 1999. I'm so curious, even though it's none of my business haha

So my son and elder daughter are basically living alone in their dad's place. They have no pets, so they've got a nice quiet independent existence now!

 

[Magdlyn]

Life goes on. No issues right now. Just relationshipping along.

Pixi's extraction site has healed. Now she's looking at implants and crowns on both areas where there are missing teeth. In the shorter term she's been fitted for a mouth guard to prevent clenching at night.

We had my son here for 5 days last week. It was a lot of fun. He is coming back on Saturday for "Easter" activities, coloring eggs and having a feast. Also, our friend T is having another one of his themed parties, on Easter, also April Fool's Day. A "fool's feast" party, and everyone is supposed to bring a food that looks like something else. Either another food, or something non food. I am making breadstick cigarettes. You dip small breadsticks part way in melted white candy, dip the tip in red, dip the red into mixed black and silver sanding sugar. Looks so cigarette like!

We are also doing another Pinteresty thing for coloring eggs, using silk men's ties to transfer color. I bought ties yesterday at Savers, as well as the supplies for the cigarette candies. So Saturday we will be busy coloring eggs and making the snacks for the party. We will have a roast of some kind Saturday night. K might come to that too.

Kahlo spent 2 nights here, last Sunday and Monday night. T came over Monday and spent the day and night. We had a sort of impromptu kink party. Without going into detail, it was fun and funny and bonding. Not overtly sexual. T is gay and Kahlo is straight. So. It was more about fun and laughs.

But Monday morning, I had to speak to Kahlo about wanting Pixi to join us for actual sex. He's been confused about that for months. Always trying to make it happen, in subtle ways.... I hope I explained our general rule about not letting my bfs become her bf or even FWB.

At the kink party we ended up having, there was no actual touching except between Kahlo and me, and it wasn't sexual per se (although it had the effect of being foreplay for me). But after T went to bed, Kahlo and I did have sex, and he tried to involve Pixi, and she clearly said no thank you.

Later on, I had sex with her separately.

 

[Magdlyn]

As we say in NY, our house has become Grand Central Station lately.

We just had my son to visit, but I went and got him again on Saturday this past weekend. Pixi has had a sort of a virus all week, sore throat, a little congested, and feeling shaky, but she rose above it and made a really great ham for our early Easter dinner. Around 6, K (our friend K, not Kahlo) came over with her 2 cute dogs. She brought wine and weed. We ate dinner around 8. K and Pixi and my son cut up things for potato salad, and also broccoli to steam.

I didn't really help with dinner because earlier in the evening, I spent 2 hours dipping the pretsels for the faux cigarettes for T's party the next day. I made about 100. I was pooped. lol They came out so real looking! I wish you all could see a pic. But if you google cakegirls breadstick cigarettes you can see some.

I did help clear and set the table though, and dinner was delicious. Later after I'd rested and digested some, I made us a batch of brownies for dessert, Ghirardhelli salted caramel brownies, my new favorite to make!

My son made "worms and dirt" cake for the next day's party too.

We also rented and watched The Last Jedi after dinner. (We took an intermission part way through to make brownies and dirt.) Excellent movie. It got late, so K spent the night. As did my son.

K left early in the morning. She and I both got up at 7. She had disc golf at 9, so headed out at 8.

Eventually Pixi and my son got up. At 1, Kahlo got here. The Fool's Feast was supposed to be vegetarian, so he brought faux hot dogs made of tofu or whatever. He also brought buns and fresh bottles of condiments.

We all drove to the April Fools party together. It wasn't at T's apartment, but at the house of a friend of his north of Boston, about an hour's drive away. It was so fun! There were sweets that looked like cheeseburgers, "mashed potatoes and gravy" made from cauliflower and beans, seitan "steak," penguins made from boiled eggs and olives and carrots, etc., etc. T made kitty litter cake, which was served in a cat litter pan with a pooper scooper, made from chocolate cake, crushed lemon Oreos, and tootsie rolls shaped to look like the poop! It was hilarious. My cigarettes were a huge hit. I have several big attractive mid century ashtrays to serve them in which looked great and added to the illusion. They were delicious too.

One thing that was interesting... I always wonder about Kahlo's polyamory... He hasn't dated anyone else since we started dating (other than casually occasionally trying to make some sex happen with Pixi), but I noticed that he spent much of the first half of the party talking to the prettiest youngest single woman there haha. It was fun to peek at their interactions while I was chatting with other guests. They were near the table in the dining room, and after we'd eaten I was mostly in the living room. That woman left rather early, and then Kahlo joined me and Pixi and my son and T in the living room with some other guests.

After we'd eaten and socialised our fill, I started packing up our dishes and leftovers and we left. Both ways to and home from the party, Kahlo sat up front with me while I drove. That was nice.

Once we got home, sickish Pixi took a nap, and eventually my son and Kahlo started playing their guitars together. I'd been telling each how talented the other was, so it was real heartwarming to watch and listen to them play for the first time. It looked like they enjoyed themselves too. It's nice they get along. I'd say this is the best bond my son ever had with a bf of mine.

When they were ready to stop playing, Kahlo and I went downstairs to watch The Last Jedi. He hadn't seen it, and I had enjoyed it so much, and it was so packed with action and visuals, I wanted to see it again and absorb more! We snuggled but behaved ourselves and didn't get sexual. That was OK. I was kinda tired from all the cooking, doing of dishes, and partying in general. Pixi and my son came down and watched it with us for the last half hour.

Kahlo left late, after I'd gone to bed. Yesterday we had a pretty quiet day and in the evening, my son and I colored eggs using men's silk ties. I'd heard about this technique a few weeks ago. (google Martha Stewart's vid on youtube) It was really fun, quite easy, and the eggs came out so beautiful! Also a nice bonding experience for me and my son!<3

Kahlo texted, asking what I was up to, when we'd just started working on the project. I think maybe he would have come over if I'd asked, but I kinda just wanted to hang with my son. Pixi had gone to her bf's for a few hours, not overnight. After we were done with the eggs, son and I started watching the original Jaws on TV. Pixi joined us for the last half hour, and then we watched our latest DVRed The Walking Dead.

Today Pixi and I both have dentist. Her dentist is in Boston, she's getting her mouthguard I guess. My dentist is in my old town that I lived in when I was married. So we're going in different directions. My son will ride along with Pixi to Boston and keep her company and see some sights while they are there.

Oh, I haven't updated on Rick in a while because he hasnt been in touch. I think he's got other projects going on that are more compelling than dating me. It's OK. I do enjoy him but my life is pretty full right now. Kahlo seems to be able to get together quite regularly unlike what I was expecting when he got that job in the western city. So I'm basically all set for a man in my life presently, knock wood.

 

[Magdlyn]

I'd mentioned how Kahlo seemed to be attracted to Pixi and had tried to make some moves on her... how I spoke to him about it, and how she'd refused his advances. But he didn't stop, didn't seem to get the message. I was getting hurt. You see, he and Pixi are night owls. I am a normal person and go to bed around midnight. If Kahlo is spending the night, he and Pixi often stay up very late together, talking, watching TV, sometimes having a few drinks. I suspected that he was hoping the alcohol would someday relax her enough to get her agree to some kind of sex.

Sadly, it seemed his NRE for me had faded, and I was getting sex less often, for shorter sessions, with less foreplay/moreplay/kink. In fact, I was becoming sexually frustrated. Sometimes he'd give me a mere 10-20 minutes of sex, then go downstairs to spend the many hours of the night with Pixi. She'd report to me how he'd move his hand closer and closer to hers, to touch her hand, or her thigh, to stroke her back. Real junior high stuff. Finally this weekend he outright asked her if he could touch her breasts. She said no. She moved away. But then the next time he and I had sex, he once again tried to get her involved.

So yesterday Pixi and I had to sit him down, and firmly and clearly show him our boundaries. I was thinking of Spork and her run-ins with Jersey guy. How some men are so single minded in pursuit of someone new to bone, they just won't take no for an answer! Thinking with their dicks. Ah, testosterone.

I don't think Kahlo is a jerk. I think he doesn't understand polyamory, and had some idea it was kind of any "anything goes" situation. Pixi and I both took responsibility for giving mixed messages. Sometimes I am OK with him and me having sex, say, in the living room, when Pixi is downstairs, or in my bedroom I didn't always close the door. Pixi doesn't care if she walks past a room where I am having sex with a bf. She doesn't watch us, she ignores us, goes and gets her beverage or whatever, and goes back downstairs. But Kahlo was apparently getting an exhibitionist thrill from it. He was also turned on by her frequent "proximity."

And then when she was NOT home, at her bf's, the sex Kahlo gave me was getting stale and vanilla, seemingly more about his brief pleasure than making sure I was satisfied! UGH. It was getting really annoying. Did he think he was "dating" both of us? Was I, in his mind, the old boring lover, being relegated to friend, and she was the hot fresh new prey?

So, the talk went well. Funny thing, when a man imagines being in a FMF triad, he never thinks about how, when he's in trouble, he gets the wrath of 2 women at once! We asked him about what he was thinking, feeling, imagining he was getting going with her? How it's nothing we want, and he better stop or else. I also told him I was unsatisfied sexually and hurt that he wasn't making sure to make me happy recently.

He was good about it. At first her didn't seem to know what to think or say. He seemed totally surprised and taken aback. Eventually he admitted, as a horny man, he was trying to see how far he could go, how much he could get from Pixi. After about an hour and a half of us 3 talking, Pixi left to go to her bf's for the night. Kahlo and I continued talking. We talked some more about sex. He thanked me for the good conversation, respectful as it was. He said he was sorry at least twice, and was grateful for the clear communication.

Then we talked of other things and he left around 1am. We didn't have sex. He gave me deep long hugs when we said goodbye. Sigh... I feel we need to rebuild trust. I will have to watch and see if he makes a point of being more giving to me from now on. I am also still a bit uneasy about him hanging around Pixi for hours after I am in bed. It seems like I am not "special" to him, he "like us both a lot, we are both great people." Pixi and I might need to change more of our behaviors so he doesn't make any more mistakes? We both were clear, there could be nothing between them but brother and sisterhood. Will he be fine with this now? I don't know.

Pixi told her bf about all this and he is kind of pissed off.

 

[Magdlyn]

It's been 2 weeks since my last post, and I am still stressed about Kahlo making moves on Pixi, and putting less energy into sex with me.

He and I have had 2 dates here at my place since my last post. The next one, we talked more about his sexual feelings and behavior around Pixi. (She was in the house but stayed downstairs and didn't join our conversation.) I think he gets it now. And Pixi and I have, separately, talked about changing her behavior around Kahlo. Less time alone, after I go to bed, drinking side by side on the couch, watching TV. No cuddling (it was always platonic for her, but gave him sexual ideas). And less time around him in general. If he comes here to see me, in the past she might hang out with us for an hour or two, or even maybe the entire time, unless he and I actually went to the bedroom for sex. Our plan for the future is for Kahlo and me to be together, alone, upstairs, when he first gets here. If we decide to go downstairs and watch TV at some point, if Pixi is there too (not out at her bf's or whatever), she will NOT stay up with him after I go to bed. We will have him leave when I go to bed. When we have other guests, my son, or our gay friend T, or whoever, she can stay up as late as she wants with them. But obviously, with Kahlo, she can't expect mere platonic friendship. He apparently had come to think, these last 2 or 3 months, that after I went to bed, he was then on a date with Pixi! Yuck.

She told me it's not fair that I've so often hosted bfs, whereas her current bf has his own place and she ALWAYS goes there, so always has privacy. So we want to make more space for me to have privacy with Kahlo.

I really don't like it when men assume because I am partnered with a female, he has the option to date or fuck both of us, just because she's... there! I can't count the times when I was more active on OK Cupid, that as soon as a guy heard I had a gf, he'd ask me if we could have threeways. And he hadn't even seen a pic of her, much less met me or her! It's really sickening and disrespectful. Men drive me nuts and disgust me sometimes. I guess they can't help it, it's the testosterone that makes them lose all rationality and act like bulls in heat. I don't appreciate it though, when it makes them think and do stuff like this.

Kahlo said more than once it was just Pixi's "proximity" that made him want to try and get with her. Just being around a friendly female for hours on end made it seem like a potential sexual situation. And Pixi finally admitted it was slightly flattering. She's not used to being desired all that much, because of her various handicaps. Plus she's submissive. She doesn't like to "make people feel bad." So, she probably wasn't clear enough in her refusals.

I explained to Kahlo about NRE and the hormones involved. How NRE can cause you to neglect your original partner. This is what happened. It still blows my mind he'd neglect a willing creative kinky generous actual sex partner (me) just to spend hours attempting to merely touch Pixi's leg. Each time she moved away, it just inflamed him more, in a cat and mouse way. UGH.

So, once I explained all this to him, he said, What next? I asked, well, DO you still desire me? He said he did. I said, trust needs to be rebuilt.

One our last date, we didn't talk of the whole issue. Pixi was at her bf's for the night. Kahlo and I sat on the living room couch. For 4 hours. We just talked of various subjects. Listened to music. Occasionally looked something up on our phones. Had a snack. Talked talked talked. No liquor, no weed.

We each sat at opposite ends of the couch. He entwined his legs with mine. He wore shorts, I had on a long skirt, so we had skin to skin contact. We flirted just a little. Occasionally he would move and hug me and cuddle me briefly, then return to his end of the couch.

We didn't do anything sexual. I was waiting to see if he'd make an overt move. But he didn't. Perhaps he was waiting for me to make an overt move or give some sort of clear signal. But I didn't.

So, we haven't had sex in 2 weeks.

The last time we did was the time Pixi was sleeping next to our dying dog, who we had to put down 24 hours later. (She died 2 weeks ago yesterday, Monday.) Pixi and Kahlo had sat up all night Saturday with the dog, who was uncomfortable. He'd brought tequila. He came to the house after I was already in bed asleep, to "support Pixi," in her vigil. He had texted her after I was in bed. Then he showed up uninvited 40 minutes later. She was surprised but not displeased, for his company, and for the tequila. But she was not pleased at his overly physical behavior.

So when I woke up that morning, they'd been up all night. When I came downstairs to where they were, the dog quieted and fell asleep, and Pixi laid down on the floor next to her and also fell asleep.

Kahlo then started messing around with me. I said, let's go upstairs. He said no. I let sex start to happen since I knew Pixi was fast asleep. I was not really aware that he wanted to have sex there, to be near Pixi while fucking me! As if we were doing a threesome, in his mind.

So, he positioned me on the couch to enter me from behind as he stood on the floor. After doing that for a while, he withdrew his penis and was fingering me instead. I happened to look between my legs and saw that he was rubbing sleeping Pixi's butt inside her pajama bottoms with his other hand. When I did see him touching her, without her express consent (she was unconscious, exhausted!), I stopped him, and stopped the sex. After he left, later, when Pixi woke up, I told her what Kahlo had done. When we first talked about it with Kahlo, he claimed he thought she was actually awake and consenting to his touching by not moving away or telling him to stop!

Pixi also revealed to me, that sometime that night, Kahlo had put his hand on her shoulder. He said, "Is this OK?" She said yes, and then he slid his hand down her shirt! She had NOT said OK to THAT! sigh...

Kahlo has a lot to learn about polyamory. As I may have said before, he seemed to think polyamory meant, "anything goes," and a certain promiscuous sluttishness in both me and Pixi.

Well I think he's learned his lesson. Or continues to learn it. I just don't know when I will be comfortable enough around him to want to have sex with him again. It's all so awkward and weird now.

I have a dinner date set up with another guy for tomorrow. He contacted me on Fet and we've been chatting a couple weeks. He's my age, and poly, and has 2 long term female partners... I don't know if he's really a great prospect but it might soothe my ego a little.

 

[Bluebird]

Wow, um, none of this sounds great. You are more permissive than me - I would have dumped him already. The fact that he was touching someone who was unconscious and did not consent would have been it.

 

[Magdlyn]

Wow, um, none of this sounds great. You are more permissive than me - I would have dumped him already. The fact that he was touching someone who was unconscious and did not consent would have been it.

Believe me, I have not felt great about this. I guess I give him a little leeway because I feel Pixi and I accidentally gave him some mixed messages over time, and because he told us he thought she was awake when he did it.

 

[Magdlyn]

Thanks for your feedback though. This has been very difficult.

 

[icesong]

I have to say I'm with Bluebird on this one. It sucks, because much of what ELSE you've written about Kahlo has been great... but this is not ok.

 

[Bluebird]

Like, what if you hadn’t been there? Would he have been touching her then? Where would the line have been for him? Because she had encouraged him previously (in his mind) would that make it ok? I would be really uncomfortable with this, especially since you feel you now have to change the way your household operates to be “on guard” against him being alone with her. It would be easier I think to just be done.

I understand that there is a relationship there though, and it’s not easy.

 

[Evie]

Kahlo has a lot to learn about polyamory.

Well there's an understatement! Your last two posts leave me with concerns for Pixi's safety. He thought she was awake. He brings her alcohol after you've gone to bed. He keeps trying again after every no.

Mags, how long until he simply rapes her?

 

[Magdlyn]

Thanks for the insights.

Like, what if you hadn’t been there? Would he have been touching her then? Where would the line have been for him?

Well, they were up all night together and he didn't touch her "bathing suit parts," except for asking her, "Can I touch?" when he put his hand on her shoulder. And she said, "OK," and then he slid his hand down her shirt. But she said, "Not there!" And he took his hand away.

He didn't hold her down and rape her.

...Because she had encouraged him previously (in his mind) would that make it ok? I would be really uncomfortable with this, especially since you feel you now have to change the way your household operates to be “on guard” against him being alone with her. It would be easier I think to just be done.

I understand that there is a relationship there though, and it’s not easy.

Yeah, it's not easy AT ALL. Just breaking up is never "easy." Kahlo is fully aware now that his sexual advances to Pixi are completely out of the question. I can't see him ever in a million years, like coming here, being with me, going outside when I say I'm going to bed, and then invading our home and attacking Pixi.

It's OK to change the way we operate. Honestly, if Pixi's proximity is so alluring, it's on her to be less friendly. She shouldn't be getting drunk with my boyfriends. This could happen with any guy. Looking back, it also happened a few years ago with Ginger. Not the drinking, per se, but he fell in lust with her. She's just so friendly and sweet. And she doesn't expect men to like her, in a lustful way.

We tried it with Ginger, to have a sort of triad. We decided we didn't like it. We planned to not have any kind of triad again. But then this happened anyway.

Well there's an understatement! Your last two posts leave me with concerns for Pixi's safety. He thought she was awake. He brings her alcohol after you've gone to bed. He keeps trying again after every no.

Mags, how long until he simply rapes her?

He wouldn't have a chance to "rape" her since we have decided, if he and I were to continue, he'd be told to go home when I go to bed. And he's not a rapist. He's just handsy and horny. And he was curious and exploring (his words, for what they are worth.) And he thought or felt or sensed she wanted it.

Pixi said it's kind of like a grey area thing (using liquor), like something that might happen in college. Not outright rape, but sort of loosening the inhibitions a little. Frankly, she is quite repressed sexually. Even I know I am much more likely to get vigorous sex from her after she's had 2 drinks than I would if she were completely sober. Hell, this all started because she gave me oral in the kitchen that night he was here (after a few drinks), and he walked in on us and joined in a little. We are all at fault.

It's so confusing. Pixi said that night when she was giving me oral, and then I gave him oral, she felt it was the two of them pleasuring me, but it seems Kahlo then thought he had an invitation to get something going with HER.

So many different cross currents and intentions and mistakes.

I feel sick about it, but the situation isn't dire, we aren't in actual danger. Pixi and I have spent at least 5 hours talking about this in the last 2 weeks. We talked more today. She takes responsibility for doing and saying things, or not doing or saying things to have accidentally "led him on." I'm a little upset with HER too, to be honest.

She just told me that, that night, when she was sad about her sick dog, when he arrived with tequila, she was very happy. She "put on a happy party face," she said, to forget her troubles for a while. So, probably Kahlo basically forgot about the dog, and thought they were on a date. Downing shots, smoking weed, chatting and laughing, watching TV. Was she innocent? Was he?

As I said upthread, Pixi isn't used to being pursued (she has handicapped arms and is transgender... though Kahlo does not know she is trans; she prefers not to out herself to my partners; we never told Punk either).

She has only ever had sexual relationships with people she has met online. In her life it was either that, online sex partners, or platonic friends. She's never had a platonic friend relationship turn sexual. She says she probably missed some cues from him that this was getting more intimate than she meant it to.

I really think Kahlo thought she was in favor of him pursuing her. And Pixi told me, she believes in his NRE/lust, he wasn't thinking with his rational brain, but his dick told him she was awake when he touched her butt. So he really thought we were having a threeway.

Pixi is inclined to forgive him. I don't know if I can. This situation doesn't seem outright dangerous, but it is weird.

 

[Bluebird]

I didn’t think it sounded dangerous, just weird/creepy and very inappropriate on his end.