Not Dead Yet!

I'm so sorry, opalescent. I just read back through your blog. It's interesting learning about people's journeys.

I hope you are taking care of yourself.

2019 is finally looking better. It had a terrible start between a friend's heart attack (she is recovering well, thank goddess), Glow's sudden death, and the mind blowing stupidity and cruelty of Trump.

I've been taking some witch classes recently and really enjoying them. I am not as active as I'd like in that area but I'm working on it.

Things with Midwest are going really well. I thought I'd have trouble around being a secondary but so far so good. It's actually been really refreshing to know where I stand. I've been enjoying spending time with Chicago, Midwest and their little one.

Dating has been not very busy but that's not uncommon for me. I've deactivated my OKC account for now - I realized it was making me sad to look at profile after profile. I will start it up again at some point.

I have been working to get out and about more. I've started going to a few more kink events, trying to work my way back into those communities. And I'm going to more witch things, trying to make friends there. It takes time and is rather frustrating sometimes as I just run out of energy to be social. Or I get social anxiety and have trouble leaving my house to go to something. But I'm working on it.
Witchy stuff

... cool? What do you do in such a class?

I've been taking classes from a local Reclaiming group in my city. Reclaiming is a Wiccan tradition founded in the late 1970s. Starhawk is probably the most well known of the founders/members of Reclaiming. Reclaiming

It's a very feminist, anarchist, environmentally focused, power to the people kind of tradition. There is a loose curriculum of classes developed over the years. There is one class that is kind of the starting point but one can take the classes in any order, and as many times - or not at all - as one wants.

This particular class focuses on dreamwork and trance. So we've been learning about how to induce a trance, how to get someone out of trance, tending someone in trance, techniques for working with dreams. I've been really enjoying it and getting a lot out of it.
This particular class focuses on dreamwork and trance. So we've been learning about how to induce a trance, how to get someone out of trance, tending someone in trance, techniques for working with dreams. I've been really enjoying it and getting a lot out of it.
I see, thanks for clarifying.
Nice to hear your update! I'm glad things are looking up for you.
Thought I'd do an update.

Things are going well with Midwest. I see him about once a month for a date and then there is often non-sexual hangout time with him, often with Chicago and little one too.

I think I'm going to ask Midwest if we can email more often. I know he can't give more time but if we can discuss things via email I believe that would help me feel more connected. Sometimes I feel detached from him, not because I want to but my life is going on, and his life is going on and we don't communicate every day and you know, things just attenuate. I don't need him to communicate every day but a bit more frequent email would be good. I will see what he thinks.

I've been depressed lately. It's been hard to get up and go to work, even working at home. I keep trying to address it but it's been difficult. Also I feel like other people in my life are dealing with much worse things than I am - poverty, health issues, death of partner - that I feel dumb struggling with my life. I know that's not rational. But it's been hard to get out of that thought pattern.

I realized that I am not sure if living alone is actually all that good for me. I like my alone time but I also do not do well when all I have is alone time. Living alone may make my mental health stuff worse. I don't plan to move any time soon - TinyDog would kill me as he has just settled into our current place - but I am thinking about options.

One of the reasons why I'm reconsidering living by myself is that Willow got seriously ill a few weeks ago. I took her to urgent care on a Thursday where in hindsight, they did a shit job treating her. The following Saturday she called me saying she needs to go to the hospital. I go over and realize she is so weak and sick she can't walk downstairs from her apartment to meet me out front. I did manage to get in, and help her to the elevator and then out to the car. But it was scary. Once we got to the hospital they took her in for treatment immediately. Turned out she had a urinary tract infection that traveled to her kidney. It was really serious. I think if she had not called me, she could have died. She's home and recovering now. Still it was really scary. She doesn't have many friends, lives alone, is depressed and isolated. While I have a lot of friends I can rely on and am not isolated, I really don't want that to be me. Something to think about.
Thanks for that update; sorry to hear you have been feeling depressed lately. I have depression (and anxiety) that waxes and wanes for no apparent reason, so I can relate. Hang in there.
Thought I'd give an update.

I'm self-isolating at home. I have some chronic health conditions that put me at higher risk of complications from COVID-19 so I am attempting to limit contact as much as I can. My parents are elderly and also have chronic conditions. Fortunately they are taking this seriously and are isolating themselves too. I've been showing them various technologies like online grocery shopping and FaceTime. It's been hilarious. I showed them some of the various filters on FaceTime. First they were so excited they could see me and then the filters just cracked them up. I also have many friends with chronic conditions, autoimmune conditions, etc. So I'm doing what I can by staying at home.

I am able to work at home which is good. My federal agency finally allowed 5 day a week telework so that is what I am doing, along with the rest of the team I'm on. It took too long - my ultimate boss is a fucking idiot (Trump) - but at least they finally took action.

My friends and I had a cocktail hour yesterday via Google Hangouts. I read somewhere that having a drink while video chatting is called a 'quarantini'. I was amused. I highly recommend video or audio chatting if possible. Or just calling on the phone.

Baltimore is not on total shutdown but restaurants are closed except for takeout/delivery and gatherings larger than 50 is banned. Just about everything is canceled, which is necessary. I expect at some point we will likely go to the mandatory stay at home except for going to pharmacy or grocery story like the San Francisco area has done.

Finally, Midwest works at a hospital. He works in a lab. He's been fastidious about masks, hand washing and sanitizing but it's likely he has already been exposed. Fortunately, he should only have a mild case as he's younger and in good health. But one never knows. I'm worried for him, as is Chicago, his wife. And his work environment is hard. There isn't enough equipment or staff to do all the testing needed quickly. They are doing what they can but it's a very tough now. Partly that's because like most hospitals in the US it always runs at near capacity with as few staff as possible. I really hope this experience changes how hospitals are run. Of course, that's true for US medical system as a whole of course.

I am so very grateful that COVID-19 so far doesn't seem to affect the very young much. My three toddler buds, including Midwest and Chicago's little one, are probably in the clear.

Given my health issues, and my parents, I don't know when I will see Midwest. It won't be anytime soon. I understand the necessity for this but it is really sad.
SARS-CoV-2 really did a number on us, didn't it. :( I hope you and your loved ones make it okay through this crisis.

Thank you for the well wishes. I also am pulling for you and yours to get through this time.

Yes, indeed. It’s scary.
TinyDog passed away last week. He had a long term heart problem that got much worse quickly. I miss him so much. TinyCat is being extra cuddly which is really nice.

Oh it’s hard to have elderly pets. I knew this was coming but that doesn’t make the grief any lighter.
Sincere condolences for the passing of TinyDog.
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. 💙
So sorry, Opal... I adopt senior pets too, and I feel you. It's still super hard to lose them. 💔
So sorry to hear about your loss. That's so nice that TinyCat is sharing extra love.
I'm so sorry, Opal. I lost my dog last year and it still hurts. Even though I knew it was coming.

I'm glad to see you post here, even if it's such sad news. I've missed your voice here.
My condolences on the loss of Tiny Dog. Losing pets can be so hard ☹ ((hugs))
That is sad to hear. Losing a pet is losing someone close and dear. Tiny cat must miss tinydog too.