Not Dead Yet!

The couple I asked if they wanted to date me got back to me. They want to keep hanging out and see how things go. They don't seem to have a set destination or rules precluding this outcome or that outcome. So I'm going to give it a shot. I have not really consciously tried to just see how potential relationships play out so this is new to me. And, of course, seeing two people who are also together is all new. I really don't know 'what to do'. There will be much winging it apparently which is something I am ok with. As long as they keep me in the loop and I can express myself to them - and so far that has happened - I'm cautiously hopeful this will be a good experience. I don't know if it will be dating or a romantic relationship - I would not be surprised if a FWB relationship turns out to be the best 'shape' for this relationship - but, yeah, hopeful and excited. I like having possibilities.
 
What, a couple +1 arrangement? Sounds scary. Still, this particular couple seems reasonable. I'm crossing my fingers for you!
 
Yeah, I'm scared too. I've never particularly wanted to be in a triad so this is a bit terrifying. But I've consciously decided to see how it goes, even as I know it might end badly. I do think that even things don't work out, they won't treat me poorly. Of course, I don't know that for sure but one never does, really.
 
Nothing ventured, right? They do sound like good people, this particular couple.
 
When it rains, it pours

There are amazing things going on in my life right now.

I've talked a bit about the couple I'm seeing. I'm going to call them Bean and Willow. I am unsure if that will develop into anything beyond what we have now, which is a play partners/FWB thing. However, I am content with that. We've been having a bit of communication issues - mostly me not wanting to talk on the phone during a truly crappy week. (I hate talking on the phone and they are not much into texting.) And I'm not sure if Willow is all that into me romantically. She seems fine with the sexual side of things but I've been really hesitant to do anything more romantic as I get the sense she would not want that energy or attention from me. Might be me personally or might be she's not romantically into women. It's truly ok if she is not into me. It would be a bit of a bummer as rejection is never fun. But I'd rather be rejected than act towards her in ways she doesn't want. So we need to talk. Things are more straightforward with Bean - he enjoys having sex and playing with Willow and me, and I know that.

I have a date later on in October that I am looking forward to. I can go for months and months with no prospects and suddenly there are all these people who are interested in going on a date with me and I am interested back. I'm also cautiously hopeful that a date that cancelled on me a little while ago might reschedule. So that's exciting.

All that is awesome. But what has me astonished and amazed is that I have met someone who I can actually envision as a primary partner. And she likes me back! :D I've known her for several months now. I wasn't interested in her at first. I wasn't interested in women for a long time. I will always be grateful to Willow, no matter what happens with us, for reminding me of why I love being with women. Glow snuck up on me. I kept spending time around her and just really enjoying her company. More recently, she dropped hints she was interested in me which I finally picked up on. We had our first few dates and they went amazingly. It's early days but I am just amazed, to repeat myself. I loved Whip but never could think of him as a full primary partner although I tried to see if he could fit into that. I was very fond of SW but we never had enough chemistry between us to make that work. Glow seems to fit me - and maybe I fit her - in ways that I haven't experienced since Beaker. I can't wait to see what happens next.
 
Isn't it great when something clicks?:D
 
Hmmm, another poster has used Glow for a person in their lives. May need to rethink nickname. It suits her though.

Will mull this over...
 
Glow and Opalescent, both shiny happy names.
I think the readers in the blogosphere can work it out.
Think of all the "C" and "S" other letters and "BF" people use.
 
Ooh, Opal, I am happy for you. I hope things continue to progress happily with all these people!

That couple, though. If Willow is seeming less enthused, but you and Bean get along well, do you think he and she would be OK with you doing one on one things with Bean alone?
 
Oh, the NRE with Glow! Things are going awesomely.

I have a date with Willow and Bean soon. I think I need to figure out a time to talk things over with them that's not part of play time. It's hard to shift between communicating about some potentially difficult stuff and then sexy fun time. At least I find it hard.

@Magdlyn, I don't know if that is a possibility. They have not put any restrictions on how things develop but they also act very much as a unit.

Also, I like that unit energy. When we play, I really enjoy the three-way dynamic so I'm not sure if I would want a separate connection with Bean. I had an encounter with Bean years ago and while it was certainly enjoyable, the chemistry is more intense with Willow present. I can't explain that - and I'm not sure if I would want to see Willow separately either. I'd certainly consider it but I just don't know what I would want. And I have no idea what Bean or Willow would want in that situation either.
 
With Glow? What made it so wonderful?
 
In large part, yes. I had a fabulous date with Glow. We hung out with various sets of friends most of the day. Then sexy time.

I am falling in love fast.

I also had a play date with Willow and Bean that was great fun.

Life's pretty awesome right now.
 
It might be time to start another blog. This one is pretty much the 'Post-Beaker' blog. It's too early for there to be a 'Glow' blog but I do feel like my life is changing shape yet again. So not quite ready to draw this blog to a close but thinking about it.

I had a date recently that went really well. He's swamped in October but we plan to get together again sometime in November. He's not a candidate for a primary or more involved relationship but he is actively looking for FWB/play partner connections. He's farther away than I would prefer but it's doable. And he is quite tall, over a foot taller than me. I like tall. :)

Glow makes me happy. I had forgotten how awesome this part of starting a relationship can be. Trying to enjoy it and not overthink things.

Things are well with Bean and Willow. Been a little while since we talked but that's not unusual.

When it rains, it pours. I'm enjoying this rare (for me) plethora of potential partners.
 
Warning: Super happy warm fuzzies

I am so happy right now. :D

Glow and I just fit together so well. We've started to discuss what we want out of a relationship, how primary feels to us and so on. She's listened to my fears of being too couple-centric, of not having a full life outside the couple dynamic. Beaker and I were codependent in many ways and I never want to go that route again. I felt very heard by Glow.

I feel I will say 'I love you soon.' I've come close a few times. It's early, yes, but I typically know very soon if I love someone romantically or not. My mind and body make up their mind very quickly on this topic.

I still have some worries. Glow is transgender, and transitioning from male to female. I fully support her in this. She is so much happier expressing her real gender identity. (I met her just before she started living life full-time as a woman. While I liked her when she was presenting as a man, the difference is palpable.)

However, I have heard that starting hormones can really do a number on sexual desire and function. Our sexual connection is amazing. I would be terribly sad to lose that. On the other hand, this may not happen. Everyone is different. I expect her sexuality may change and I'm ok with that. But I've been in a sexless marriage - where I was the one who lost all sexual drive and interest - and I never want to be in such a relationship again. Sex is important to me. So I'm just fearful. She is worried about losing sexual desire too but feels hormones are her natural next step. (She's really looking forward to boobs!) I am just going to have to see how things evolve and change. I can't know what will happen. I'm mostly just trying to acknowledge my fears both to myself and to her and not allow those fears to determine my actions.

And the sex is amazing. Very connected, very hot. I have often felt that I had to present how I have sex in certain ways. Fit into certain boxes and not show all I am sexually. Don't be as aggressive as I would like sometimes. Don't be as receptive as I can be sometimes. Be one thing or the other but not both and no switching back and forth! Laugh but not too loudly. Take sex seriously. Casual sex is problematic until it isn't. No giggling. Don't mock gender norms. Be submissive. Be vanilla. Don't be kinky. Be dominant. Don't get attached. Get attached but only in certain ways.

But so far everything I have put out there Glow just accepts. Whatever sexual vibe I am putting out there, she explores, sees how she likes it. And even if it's not her thing, she accepts it and me. That is so rare and precious.

I am so happy!
 
I'm so very happy for you! :)
 
It is wonderful to read how folks here are enjoying their partners and their sexuality and you are one of the happy stories. Enjoy what is going on now and be in this moment. Leave the serious things for when and if they arise.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top