Hello Friends,
I have been on a journey of self-exploration for the past few years, making some significant leaps forward—breakthroughs, if you will—over the last few months. During this time, I’ve discovered parts of myself that have long been suppressed or repressed due to my upbringing and religious indoctrination. These parts were treated as mere wants, or even as sinful desires that had to be suppressed or cast aside in favor of other so-called "essentials," which included, among other things, abstinence before marriage and monogamy. Sex was portrayed as something shameful, meant only for reproduction, with any pleasurable aspect being considered sinful. These teachings and beliefs have significantly limited my experiences with intimate sexual connection throughout my life.
I've had only one sexual partner in my lifetime—my wife of nearly 20 years. Our sexual connection, for me, was fulfilling for a while, but over time it began to wane. This was due to various reasons that I won't go into—none involving infidelity—but ultimately, we both came to agree that polyamory was something I should explore. I have a deep need for romantic and sexual connection—something my wife cannot provide for me at this point in her journey. It’s difficult to explain exactly why, just that true consensual sexual/romantic connection cannot be forced. It’s what I need, and it doesn't make sense to require it of her, especially when she too is in the midst of her own intense self-exploration and discovery. We still love each other deeply and share a powerful bond in raising and loving our children.
My wife loves me so much that she even reached out to friends familiar with the polyamorous community so we could all talk about it together. Despite her blessing and encouragement, I have struggled to engage with the polyamorous community. I believe this struggle stems from years of ingrained shame and avoidance, making it difficult for me to accept that loving others in this way could be okay. However, after a lot of reflection, I’ve come to realize that my soul has an essential need for romantic and sexual connections with others. It isn't something I fully understand, but I know it is necessary—without it, I feel a profound emptiness that sometimes leaves me overwhelmed with hopelessness, to the point that life itself feels unbearable.
With all of this in mind, I have decided to trust my wife, trust my heart, and trust my soul. This is the direction I must take—not out of luxury or selfishness, but because it is essential to my well-being. So, I am embarking on this new leg of my journey, feeling both scared and anxious about the unknown. I would deeply appreciate any guidance on where to start, and I would love to connect with others who understand where I’m coming from. Making meaningful connections is of utmost importance to me, and I hope that being part of this community will help me do that.
I have been on a journey of self-exploration for the past few years, making some significant leaps forward—breakthroughs, if you will—over the last few months. During this time, I’ve discovered parts of myself that have long been suppressed or repressed due to my upbringing and religious indoctrination. These parts were treated as mere wants, or even as sinful desires that had to be suppressed or cast aside in favor of other so-called "essentials," which included, among other things, abstinence before marriage and monogamy. Sex was portrayed as something shameful, meant only for reproduction, with any pleasurable aspect being considered sinful. These teachings and beliefs have significantly limited my experiences with intimate sexual connection throughout my life.
I've had only one sexual partner in my lifetime—my wife of nearly 20 years. Our sexual connection, for me, was fulfilling for a while, but over time it began to wane. This was due to various reasons that I won't go into—none involving infidelity—but ultimately, we both came to agree that polyamory was something I should explore. I have a deep need for romantic and sexual connection—something my wife cannot provide for me at this point in her journey. It’s difficult to explain exactly why, just that true consensual sexual/romantic connection cannot be forced. It’s what I need, and it doesn't make sense to require it of her, especially when she too is in the midst of her own intense self-exploration and discovery. We still love each other deeply and share a powerful bond in raising and loving our children.
My wife loves me so much that she even reached out to friends familiar with the polyamorous community so we could all talk about it together. Despite her blessing and encouragement, I have struggled to engage with the polyamorous community. I believe this struggle stems from years of ingrained shame and avoidance, making it difficult for me to accept that loving others in this way could be okay. However, after a lot of reflection, I’ve come to realize that my soul has an essential need for romantic and sexual connections with others. It isn't something I fully understand, but I know it is necessary—without it, I feel a profound emptiness that sometimes leaves me overwhelmed with hopelessness, to the point that life itself feels unbearable.
With all of this in mind, I have decided to trust my wife, trust my heart, and trust my soul. This is the direction I must take—not out of luxury or selfishness, but because it is essential to my well-being. So, I am embarking on this new leg of my journey, feeling both scared and anxious about the unknown. I would deeply appreciate any guidance on where to start, and I would love to connect with others who understand where I’m coming from. Making meaningful connections is of utmost importance to me, and I hope that being part of this community will help me do that.
