Hi Everyone,
I'm new here, but not to the lifestyle. A bit of background, my first ploy relationship ended when my husband and girlfriend decided they wanted to go solo and asked me to leave the relationship...which I did VERY reluctantly. After I healed for some time, I realized it was for the best and I was better off without them as I met a wonderful man who is a much better fit for me. He was also wanting an open relationship, which was great because I loved the lifestyle even though my first experience didn't end exactly as I hoped. We've been together for 2 years now and in the beginning things were awesome. We were both dating other people, but were each other's primaries and spent most of our time together. All was well until I fell in love with him and started becoming paranoid things would end badly again. This caused me to begin putting pressure on the relationship and jealousy became an issue any time he was off dating someone else. The jealousy and fear factor has been intensified by him reminding me our relationship is NOT long term and that it will eventually end. He doesn't want it to end right now, but at some point in the future he's determined it will. In addition, he continually goes back and forth on whether or not he loves me. He at times says he does, but then he pulls back and says that he just "really likes me" and has "feelings" but he's not in love. He's also gone back and forth on how he wants to define the relationship...sometimes saying he doesn't really want to date other women solo and would rather we find a GF or another couple and leave it at that. But when I start to become anxious about the other women he's dating, he back pedals and says he does want to date around as he needs "variety" and thinks we need to dial back our relationship as well. So you can imagine my confusion between him trying to figure out if he does love me and if he does or doesn't want us to date others. He'll also go silent on me the days he has dates and I won't hear from him for 24-48 hours, which after 2 years I find pretty jack-assy of him. He's now saying he's worried for my mental state because I get really upset when we have these constantly shifting conversations about our relationship. And yeah, it sucks not knowing if my partner really loves me and if he's just using me as a place holder until someone better looking, more exciting, more intriguing, comes along to take my place. ANYONE would feel major anxiety and fear. I'm not a crazy person. I'm very confused and exhausted. Just recently I suggested we break up as I am tired of this and I don't want to hang on for 2 more years waiting for things to end, but he said he doesn't want to break up...that he just wants to enjoy our time together, and that were just not on the same page at the moment. I just don't know what to do. I know it's a mess and I'm really just looking for constructive feedback.
(PS- He was divorced 3 years ago from his wife of 28 years. They have 3 grown kids who want them back together. The wife gave him a hall pass and he abused this, so the marriage ended. So he's always been the philandering type. He says that when his libido is gone, he plans to go back to her and mend his family. She would take him back tomorrow if he agreed to be with only her, but he says he's not ready for this. I know. What a winner
I'm new here, but not to the lifestyle. A bit of background, my first ploy relationship ended when my husband and girlfriend decided they wanted to go solo and asked me to leave the relationship...which I did VERY reluctantly. After I healed for some time, I realized it was for the best and I was better off without them as I met a wonderful man who is a much better fit for me. He was also wanting an open relationship, which was great because I loved the lifestyle even though my first experience didn't end exactly as I hoped. We've been together for 2 years now and in the beginning things were awesome. We were both dating other people, but were each other's primaries and spent most of our time together. All was well until I fell in love with him and started becoming paranoid things would end badly again. This caused me to begin putting pressure on the relationship and jealousy became an issue any time he was off dating someone else. The jealousy and fear factor has been intensified by him reminding me our relationship is NOT long term and that it will eventually end. He doesn't want it to end right now, but at some point in the future he's determined it will. In addition, he continually goes back and forth on whether or not he loves me. He at times says he does, but then he pulls back and says that he just "really likes me" and has "feelings" but he's not in love. He's also gone back and forth on how he wants to define the relationship...sometimes saying he doesn't really want to date other women solo and would rather we find a GF or another couple and leave it at that. But when I start to become anxious about the other women he's dating, he back pedals and says he does want to date around as he needs "variety" and thinks we need to dial back our relationship as well. So you can imagine my confusion between him trying to figure out if he does love me and if he does or doesn't want us to date others. He'll also go silent on me the days he has dates and I won't hear from him for 24-48 hours, which after 2 years I find pretty jack-assy of him. He's now saying he's worried for my mental state because I get really upset when we have these constantly shifting conversations about our relationship. And yeah, it sucks not knowing if my partner really loves me and if he's just using me as a place holder until someone better looking, more exciting, more intriguing, comes along to take my place. ANYONE would feel major anxiety and fear. I'm not a crazy person. I'm very confused and exhausted. Just recently I suggested we break up as I am tired of this and I don't want to hang on for 2 more years waiting for things to end, but he said he doesn't want to break up...that he just wants to enjoy our time together, and that were just not on the same page at the moment. I just don't know what to do. I know it's a mess and I'm really just looking for constructive feedback.
(PS- He was divorced 3 years ago from his wife of 28 years. They have 3 grown kids who want them back together. The wife gave him a hall pass and he abused this, so the marriage ended. So he's always been the philandering type. He says that when his libido is gone, he plans to go back to her and mend his family. She would take him back tomorrow if he agreed to be with only her, but he says he's not ready for this. I know. What a winner