Partner snoring/ apnea

Kynde

Kynde

Active member
Not so much to do with polyamory, but my main partner has severe sleep apnea and snores to rattle the windows. Not to mention he stops breathing over and over and it worries me. He is overnight 3 nights a week, most weekends. So, although I love to cuddle him all night long, I am not getting any sleep. I have retreated to the guest room most nights after he falls asleep. :-(
He has tried a Cpap and says it gives him a headache, and he has tried a jaw/bite guard and a head strap and it makes him feel claustriphobic. I have recorded him and shown him that he stops breathing, and he sees it and says it's bad . . . but he doesn't do anything about it. I am not his mother, and it's his choice to treat this or not. It just sucks that I have to sleep in the guest room in my own house because of his snoring-- and I miss him. What's the point of overnights? I guess going to sleep together, and having coffee together in the morning.
There is probably no solution here. Just wanting to complain a bit LOL and commiserate with others.
 
I have some experience with this. I am sorry he hasn't been able to adapt to his CPAP mask. Has it been fitted properly? How long ago did he try one? There have been advances in the technology in recent years.

I understand how the gear can feel claustrophobic, but it's totally worth it, and extremely important, to try and give it time to get used to it.

I would be sad not to be able to share sleep with someone because of their apnea/snoring, but more concerned about the health risks, such as strokes! You don't have to be someone's mother to be worried about their health. A partner would surely be concerned.
 
At the very least, put him in the guest bedroom while you sleep in your own bed..
 
Evie said:
At the very least, put him in the guest bedroom while you sleep in your own bed..
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I agree--- except he's mono and has requested that we have "our" bed and the other bed for my other partners. And that is the guest room. But at least both beds are comfortable and the guest room is very well decorated to the tastes of me and my other partners (kink). I'm not sure my mon vanilla partner would like to sleep in the kink bedroom. LOL
 
Magdlyn said:
I have some experience with this. I am sorry he hasn't been able to adapt to his CPAP mask. Has it been fitted properly? How long ago did he try one? There have been advances in the technology in recent years.

I understand how the gear can feel claustrophobic, but it's totally worth it, and extremely important, to try and give it time to get used to it.

I would be sad not to be able to share sleep with someone because of their apnea/snoring, but more concerned about the health risks, such as strokes! You don't have to be someone's mother to be worried about their health. A partner would surely be concerned.
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I have talked to him about it to the point where I don't want to be a nag . . so I have dropped it. He knows my concerns, and being in the medical field he understands the risks in theory. I told him point blank I don't want to wake up and find him dead. Sigh. But he has the right to make his own bad decisions, and other than the snoring, it doesn't affect me.
 
Kynde said:
I agree--- except he's mono and has requested that we have "our" bed and the other bed for my other partners. And that is the guest room. But at least both beds are comfortable and the guest room is very well decorated to the tastes of me and my other partners (kink). I'm not sure my mon vanilla partner would like to sleep in the kink bedroom. LOL
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Then stop thinking of it as a guest room and call them different names. I know it seems trivial, but then you won't have to sleep in the "guest room" rather than your "own room".

The ivy room and the poppy room. Whatever. But something.
 
A bit of an outlier. But my nesting partner had suspected sleep arena (maybe does as he does seem to stop breathing for more than a normal amount of time). But recently had a new chiropractor and I have no idea what they did but hardly any snoring after years of sleepless or poor sleep for both of us. Might be worth suggesting x
 
Hi Kynde,

That is frustrating, clearly he has a serious problem, and he is rejecting all of the solutions. The burden then falls upon you to come up with your own solutions, and all you can really do is sleep in the guest room. Not a good solution, but it's all you have.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
Evie said:
Then stop thinking of it as a guest room and call them different names. I know it seems trivial, but then you won't have to sleep in the "guest room" rather than your "own room".

The ivy room and the poppy room. Whatever. But something.
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That's a very good point. From now on they will be called the Blue room and Brown room. They are both comfortable to me. Just to different tastes.
 
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