Thank you for more info.
Therefore I don’t consent to a meta relationship with someone of differing relationship ideology than my own.
How do you pick your metas? Aren't they just... metas? Because your partner is dating them? You don't have to be best friends with them or anything, but I don't understand that sentence.
Mark said:
The meta relationship requires trust, compassion, and respect on both ends and I simply don’t believe someone of a non-poly relationship ideology can provide that. Therefor I don’t consent to a meta relationship with someone of differing relationship ideology than my own. And just like I wouldn’t trust a politician that suddenly changes political parties when it becomes convenient for them, same is true for relationship style. I choose for myself to have meta relationships with experienced poly individuals only
Or do you mean you prefer your partner date people with past polyshipping experience? Which is supposed to demonstrate they will automatically come with the desired character traits?
What if it was an experienced poly person.... but they had a different idealogy or poor character? Then what? It's possible for poly people to be assholes. Or not assholes... but still don't line up. How much would it matter when you aren't the one dating them? Is it you are hoping to practice some kind of kitchen table poly where getting along well with metas is super important?
What if it was an experienced "end point" person in V? Who might be monoamorous and only want the one sweetie, but was totally fine participating in a past polyship for years, had the desired character traits... would that be ok?
And how would Amy find out what their ideologies are and what kind of character they have without some time and space to get to know the person? Cuz one can outright lie or exaggerate on a dating profile or make themselves sound better than they actually are, right?
I don't esp want to deal in newbies either, so I get that. But at the same time?
Dating itself is a process to weed out the incompatible people. I would have to trust DH not to be picking out weirdos in the "rough sort." Then over time, sort out the "deeply compatible" from the "initially compatible." He would have to trust me to do same.
I would want anyone in the polyship to have good character traits like being trustworthy, compassionate, respectful, etc.
I'm just not sure going by an online dating profile alone is the best way to take full measure of a person's character.
So maybe the important part is not what is written on a dating profile? Like yeah... start with people who are already poly if possible in order to skip the poly newbie hassles... but MOST important is
(insert list.)
So maybe you could both have a conversation about what kind of character traits you value in others and what behaviors from a meta would be a dealbreaker? So you can better figure out what
(insert list) actually is to each of you?
Galagirl