I am in a V. I'm the hinge. Maca is my husband GreenGecko is my boyfriend. We all live together as a rule of thumb. But currently Maca is working out of town and the kids and I are bouncing back and forth.
Just posted in intro the bare essentials, I though posting a more fleshed out personal summary would be beneficial...I hope.
So I'm here mostly because I have a want to learn more about poly. That when I found out there was a term for the situations I found myself in the relief that I felt was almost at the same level when I found out there was nothing wrong with me being bi.
My husband and my boyfriend are wonderful men who would let me talk their ears off about anything, but when it comes to this I get the deer in headlights look and the responses of "Are you worried?" or "Everything is going well, why are you stressing?"
Which is, I guess, the main reason I have been lurking on boards, scouring the internet for information, and have finally decided that okay, maybe I need to actually have some back and forth communication with a community that openly discusses these situations.
So here I am...wow, I really suck at personal summations. Sorry.
I'll probably be spending the rest of my evening (Both the hubby and bf are out at the shop playing Pathfinder with the group, it's my one night away for "me time" *yay!) perusing threads and seeing what I can glean off of others before I post my own "Okay this is what's going on..please help? Insights?" thread.
Hi everyone - hope I'm not double posting, typed for about 30 mins then lost the thing in print preview.... Grrrrr
Anyway, I'm a Bi woman, the secondary relationship in a Vee where the hinge is another Bi-girl in an open relationship with her husband.
Long version: a year ago I split from a 22 year lesbian relationship, leaving partner and 3 kids. For about 6 months had sluttish phase seeking no-strings FWB relationships. Had fun but became disillusioned with the number of unwanted attachments and broken hearts.
I run an informal support group for Bi girls, and one of them I finally met (we live on different continents). We were attracted, slept together then found ourselves falling in love which neither was looking for or wanted. We tried breaking up but were both miserable. A friend recommended a book, The Ethical Slut, which described a world where our relationship could work. So that's what we have been trying for the last few months - an emotional roller-coaster of discovery!!
I'm still struggling with bouts of jealousy so am seeking support on that. I also may try to make another relationship to take the pressure off this love a bit so advice on that would also be welcome.
Hello there! This is Semienigma, usually if you see a Semienigma anywhere, that would normally be me.
I've never been in any kind of romantic relationship due to fear, mainly and seeing so many relationships around me crash and burn. Kind of a mentality of "Can't sink in a boat I haven't boarded". Awkward I know XD
Anyway, I'm 28, plus size black woman that loves to listen to music of many kinds.
I don't have any experience in dating so there is nothing there. How I can go from that to considering Poly is a bit weird. I am for the most part straight (I think) and even though I have no attraction to women, I don't rule out having a relationship with one(or more?)
I would prefer a emotional relationship since the idea of sex with others makes me a little uneasy.
You can call me polyRAR. For the time-being I am trying to keep myself (and by extension, everyone else I am involved with) anonymous for the time-being because I don't want it to effect those around me.
Me as an individual: I am 27, living in Dayton, OH. I identify as pan/bisexual, and I am more on the line of "gender fluid" than anything else. I have my more feminine moments, and my more masculine moments, and I like it like that. (Throughout different parts of my life one of my favorite personal games is to dress in such a way to hide my gender from the public, just to see how it effects those who interact with me. FUN!!) I am an artist, currently working a full-time retail job to make ends meet. I am naturally a more introverted person - I usually need "hermit time" away from people to feel recharged - but over the years I have worked on becoming an ambivert. I try to be kind and happy with everyone I meet (one of my mottos could be "kill them with kindness!") I am very patient - sometimes to a fault, when I will bury things in an effort to "not make waves" when really I should address the issues that are bothering me. I like animals, a lot, and in lieu of children we just have pets, nieces, nephews, and godchildren.
I learned about polyamoury when I was seventeen or eighteen, when one of my friends introduced me to the idea. That friend and her husband (I will call them The L's) opened their relationship up to me a few years later and we all tried on polyamoury for a night, but we were young and really didn't know what we were doing. The poly relationship didn't last very long (I think 30-some hours) but The L's are still some of my closest friends and I am an adopted aunt/godmother to their children. We still sometimes joke about that night, and, as my friend has said, "she watched me get intimate with her husband, she can trust me with anything."
My relationships: "Primary" - I have been together with my husband for over five years, and we have been married for almost a whole year. We both came out as poly within the first three months of our relationship, and have been working together as a couple on that aspect of our lives (and every aspect of our lives) ever since. Every facet of my personality that I have to work on comes naturally to hubby: he is confident, charismatic, logical, and whereas I have a fuse that never seems to end he is usually the one egging me on to make the changes in my life that I need to. I balance him out as well, urging him toward patience, creativity, and open-mindedness. Hubby is going to school for political science and is going to work in local government (one of the reasons I am trying to keep our identities a little more hidden.)
Secondaries - Miss J - Hubby's "girlfriend"/other wife. She is an absolutely amazing woman, intellectual, well-read, well-educated. She is an actress, has just finished defending her doctorate in theater, and moving forward in her professional life in her own way. Miss J has very specific physical needs, and for this reason she still lives with her mom. While Hubby, myself, and Miss J are all close we all know that we will probably never be able to live together due to Miss J's special needs. We're all okay with this, because we all know that our life-paths were meant to intersect, but may never fall in line together. I collaborate with Miss J on a regular basis, and she is my creative-sounding-board when Hubby won't suffice. Miss K - a young woman Hubby is interested in, but still only talking to. It came out to her very early on that we are poly, and she is still interested in dating Hubby. I have not met her yet, but I'm okay with this - I realize that since poly is such a new idea to her that meeting me will probably take time. Miss M - a love-interest of mine, and also a soon-to-be-in-law. She is Hubby's brother's fiance. I met her out-and-about a few months before she began dating my bro-in-law, and I deferred my feelings for her while their relationship blossomed. We are "sisters", and sometimes lovers, and she helped me experiment with a part of my sexuality (same-sex relationships) that I hadn't been able to explore fully before. Miss Y - my second love-interest; we identify ourselves as "romantic/sexual friends" or "playmates". She has been one of my best friends for over a decade since highschool, and we have always had feelings for each other but never been in a place (emotionally, psychologically, or physically) to act on it until now. Our romantic relationship is much more complicated, due in part to a person she is still involved with.
If you didn't already know about it, the Dayton area has a pretty good local community, and the Columbus area has an incredibly active local community that a lot of people from Dayton come out to meet with from time to time. The Dayton Meetup group is found here (http://www.meetup.com/DAPDiscussion/) and the Columbus one is here (http://www.meetup.com/PolyColumbus/).
There will also be a convention in Columbus on the weekend of November 7th-9th that is a more in-depth and intensive type of poly event. Tickets are on sale now and you can find more information here (http://beyondthelove.org/).
Glad you've joined the forum. Ohio is a great place to be for poly folk right now.
This is me...
I'm CeCe. I'm 30 years old, I have a 6 year old daughter (Goober), and live in Indiana. I identify as poly and pansexual. I have never felt comfortable in monogamous relationships. I always felt guilty for not being able to stop loving my exs or for developing new feelings for people. It didn't mean that I didn't love the partner I was with, but they never seemed to see it that way. When I was in college I stated dating 3 guys. One encouraged me to love everyone I was with, the second was pressuring me to choose who I wanted to be with, and the third left me to go back to his ex but continued to be a FWB (although I was uncomfortable with the idea that his GF didn't know, but he was afraid to tell her. In hindsight I should have cut ties with him, but I loved him and couldn't. I ended up pregnant soon after and things got complicated.) This experience confused me and caused so much stress because at the time I only knew monogamy and had no idea that polyamory was acceptable.
After several failed monogamous relationships, I decided to give polyamory a real shot. I joined a few dating sites with the intention of finding some like-minded people. I was contacted by a guy who said he and his wife were looking for a GF. I jumped at the opportunity. I ended up spending every other weekend and a couple days each week at their house. We became a close family. I loved it. Unfortunately we parted ways due some difference in opinion on adding to our poly family.
Now I am with two partners. One of which is one of the guys I dated in college. Turns out he's poly too. He wants to build a big poly family with his wife and me. I am excited about the future I'm going to have with him.
Debo- is a straight male and is monogamous. We have been dating for 7 months. He sometimes struggles with my polyamory and gets jealous when I spend time with other partners. But he is learning and growing and I love him for that.
Chance- is a straight male, married to April, and poly. We have been friends for 10 years and partners for 2 months (not counting the time we dated in college).
April- is a bi female, poly, married to Chance and dating Pairs. We are considering developing a more romantic relationship together in the future.
Paris- is a straight male and is monogamous. He is April's secondary partner.
My other loves:
I don't need to be in a sexual or romantic relationship with people in order to consider them my lovers. Either we were romantic in the past and aren't currently or we are just the best of friends...in both cases I love them just the same as I do my current partners.
TiTi- is my best friend. We met in college and have been close ever since. I have been in love with her since the day we met. She feels the same, but we decided to stay friends rather than let a romantic or sexual relationship ruin what we have as friends.
D. Bear- is an ex partner. Married to Samoli. We are still very much in love with each other, but distance and other situations prevent us from still being involved as partners.
Batman- is also an ex partner. He is the father of my daughter and I will always love him. He is poly, but is in a monogamous relationship with his wife, Sari.
For years I've wanted a home where all of my partners and lovers and their partners and lovers could live together. Now for the first time ever I feel like my dream could actually become a reality.
I'm 24 and still new the community. I have had 2 past poly relationships that failed due to rookie mistakes. I want to better myself before going into another relationship, knowing that I still will likely fall for multiple lovers again as I never felt more right than when I was with those two.
My name is Mags and I am a 39 year old mother of 3. I have been married to my bestfriend for 13 years. Throughout our marriage we have explored the swingers lifestyle, we even had a failed poly relationship with a couple early on in our marriage. We failed because we did not communicate and made poor choices. Over the years of ups and downs we both realized that our beliefs in polyamory were strong and that our desire to love and accept others into lives was truly where our hearts belonged.
My husband shares his love with Paola and from our conversations about their relationship my husband has shared that they both have a deep and strong love and desire for one another. Paola makes my husband very happy, which in turn makes me happy.
I am the significant other to my soulmate, Primalfear who is married to his bestfriend of 25 years. He is a father, a passionate and driven man who loves me unconditionally. We share a deep intimacy and love that I have never experienced in my life, until now.
Primalfear also has a girlfriend of 3 years, a women who he met through a common interest. I struggle with understanding and accepting this relationship although I have been aware of this relationship from the beginning. This girlfriend has difficulty accepting the fact that he is married and is unaware of my relationship with Primalfear. I struggle with feelings of being the "other women" and this confuses me as my relationship with Primalfear's wife is extraordinary. We share a closeness and appreciate each other and respect each other for the goodness that we both bring to each others lives. We have worked to bring our families together and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for Primalfear and his family.
I feel that I am in turmoil because of this "other" relationship that Primalfear has. It does not fall into our shared beliefs of polyamory and I question whether or not I can continue a relationship with my soulmate. I love him unconditionally but it pains me when he leaves me to spend time with this other women. I have realized that it is not jealousy that I am feeling but emptiness. Emptiness because for me it feels that our love is put on hold while he spends time her. My connection to my soulmate is put on pause.
I am hoping to connect with others who share the same struggles as I do, I am looking to build a network for myself.
I'm Ananas, solo poly and rather newly so. I'm in a rather amorphous relationship with NerfHerder (also solo poly), and actively looking for new partners. I'm divorced (we had so many issues that mono/poly never even made it on the list), and came to poly through my involvement in BDSM (I'm a submissive, currently looking for a dominant). NerfHerder is a dominant, and but not dominant to me outside of our sex/play life. I'm curious, whimsical, sincere, and highly analytical (sometimes, possibly often, to a fault). I'm incredibly fortunate in that my closest family members and friends (all pretty much hippies) are non-judgmental of my life choices. On the downside, I struggle with depression, which can be a complicating factor in my relationships. I am here to learn.
I'm 28 and have been married to my best friend for 8 years. Recently (for the past ~year) we've been talking about and have decided to open our relationship. We've both been on dates, but nothing more serious than that due to one overbearing factor that I'll bring up outside of my personal summary.
Being new to polyamory, we've already had our struggles while we try to figure out how to balance our existing relationship with any new ones that come along. To that end I'm glad I've finally found a mature place full of knowledgeable people who will no doubt support us and give us advice about any current and future issues we have.
Please call me Leigh. I am entirely new to the idea of Polyamory...I'm a widow (husband of 5 years passed in Jan '14) and single mom. I haven't been involved in any relationships since his passing. I recently have been approached by an old friend who recently stated he is in an open marriage and would like to explore a relationship with me, and I am interested in him as well. My husband and I have been in social situations with this man and his wife in the past, and I got along well with his wife. Before I get involved with him, I'd like to get to know them more as a couple, not in a sexual way, but as friends. I would like to explore a sexual relationship with him, but was hoping to get her perspective of their open relationship first. I am totally unsure of how I would even approach the subject with her, but he seems willing to take the step to involving me. Any suggestions, ideas, advice?
This (Personal Summaries) thread is intended for one post per person, and is not intended for getting/giving advice (or other replies). I recommend you post your situation and question on the Poly Relationships Corner.
I think if you spend some time building more friendship with this man and his wife, the subject of polyamory will eventually come up and you can ask her what she thinks about it. Patience and time are your go-to tools in this situation.
I am a 28 year old male and I have been in a monogamous relationship with a girl I love very much for 8 years now.
Ever since becoming sexually active I have felt that monogamy is not for me. I have been struggling with finding acceptance, understanding or even other people to have polyamorous relationships with ever since. Sadly I feel that I haven't been successful at all
I have come to this forum in order to seek advice on how to deal with my situation, because I feel that it is making me more and more miserable and adversely affecting my well-being, my relationship and even my health.
I always feel there should be a disclamier ahead of explaining my relationship.
I'm a nearing-30, NorCal-native, Atlanta transplant, freelance writer who has been in an over 4-year relationship with a young woman. She has a husband she has been with for over 8-years now. He and I have known each other since college, about a decade now. We get along as fine as two people can when one of those people basically opened up their previously monogamous relationship.
My SO has also been dating a woman for a year now, to much consternation of mine and some of hers. In fact my relationship with my SO has been rocky to tumultuous this period of time, for reasons relating to the new relationship of hers and from reasons relating to just changing life situations. For example, due to my unexpected change in living situations and her intense program of college study, I don't get nearly enough quality time with her.
It's recently gotten to a point where aspects of the relationship affect my mood in negative ways. I do love her, but there's lots of baggage to sort through and often it feels like I'm trying to sort through it on my own. I'm hoping that on this forum I can find some clarity to aid my efforts.
I'm a natively Dutch guy currently living in Germany with my German partner (6 years), who has another partner (1 year) who lives a few hours away.
We've opened our relationship three years ago but have become fully polyamorous last year. We are currently exploring the territory of having a full poly-family, since that is what she, her partner, and I all believe in.
I've come to this forum to exchange ideas, discuss potential pitfalls, seek advise and help reflecting on myself, my ideas and my actions.
I just joined Polyamory forums. I am 24 years old and married and am new to polyamory. My husband has always been interested in polyamory and open to the possibility. I have tended to be more traditional and cautious but am also interested in polyamory.
Right now I live with my husband(6 years) and have a poly boyfriend(1 year) who lives across the country (US) from me. He will be coming to visit in about a month.
My boyfriend and husband are friends and have a great friendship and I really feel like we are all happy and supportive of each other. I am nervous to meet him but also very excited.
I am 25 years old and living in Columbus, OH, with, currently, my 28yo male partner Y of nine months and my 24yo female partner L of three years. Together, we are a triad.
Y has a wife of eight years, A, and a soon-to-be 3yo son E with her. Seven months ago A decided that she wanted a divorce, and after only two months of knowing each other, Y moved in with us. That has since changed, and when economically able Y will be moving back in with A and E, and in a year or so after that the plan is for us all to move together. We are incredibly lucky that no relationship in the triad has fallen apart whatsoever due to forced early cohabitation; in fact, all have only become stronger, and we are very compatible roommates.
L and I opened our relationship a year ago after some discussions about polyamory, and feeling like we missed out on much life experience due to being each other's only sexual experiences. We opened with no real intentions, registering on OKC only looking for casual relationships. What we found was instead very swrious, and our goals and "rules" have significantly shifted as a result. We have no rules anymore, and I have since learned that I cannot do hierarchy.
Looking forward to many wonderful years with my people, my tiny tribe, and maybe one or two casual partners on the side someday. For now, my heart is full, and I am content.
Hi, I'm a 29 year old mom in a non monogamous relationship with a man who has made me feel comfortable pursuing a non traditional relationship.
We have always talked about an open relationship and over these past 18 months our perimeters have changed. I have never pursued a secondary relationship and to my knowledge neither has he. He has always only said he just wanted the freedom to. Right now we have a don't ask don't tell policy.
I'm not sure we are poly or open or what we are but information I have read on poly has been by far the most beneficial.
I'm looking for some insight and experience so as to avoid unnecessary mistakes. As we figure out what we are.