Personal Summaries

Hermes

New member
Hello, everyone. My name's Andy. I'm 24 at time of posting.

For a little over six months, I've been in a relationship with a woman I've known and liked for years, who is one corner of a triad. I get on well enough with her husband and their girlfriend, but am only romantically involved with her. I'm living about 80 miles away from where they're living at the moment, so I only see them at weekends. I'm looking into moving into the area they're soon to be moving to, so that will be a change.

I think I'm settling into poly quite well, though I do have my occasional wobble, but I think that's more to do with my own insecurities than with poly itself. They've been very supportive.

At the same time, I'm also experimenting with my sexuality. Although I know I like (and prefer) women, I have found myself thinking about men on occasion. I've dabbled a little in that regard, but not enough to content myself on where I am with it. A threesome between my girlfriend, her husband and I is somewhat vaguely on the cards, and I'm equally nervous and excited about that.

Before the relationship I'm in, I had two long-term mono relationships with women, from which I was never single for more than a month back to being about 13. So, yeah, I never really had a period of experimentation until now. And I am experimenting quite a lot. :D

I think that's it. Any questions/comments, feel free to message me. I also have a blog on LJ. My username is Vampire_Hermes.
 

Anachronism

New member
I am Anachronism, I'm 18, female, pansexual, and am located in the Midwest. Apologies for being vague in advanced.

I'm a very open minded, loving individual who has never seemed to 'fit', thus the handle Anachronism. I am young, but have surprised many once my age was revealed. I hope it doesn't cause issues here.

For almost the last year I have been seeing a man, I'm going to use E for his name, E and I from the very moment we met had this odd attraction to one another. It was about a month after meeting that we started dating. It was casual at first, but over the first few months we knew we'd be with each other for a while.

E is currently in a poly relationship with his wife, who until recently was in a relationship herself. In the past I never considered poly for myself, even when in the past had been offered to join a relationship. It was until I met E that I gave in, and am glad I did.

Recently I started a relationship with a girl, A will be her name as I am sure she'll be brought up here and there, and because of problems there E and my relationship got a bit strained, but it's better, and grows stronger everyday. Oh and my relationship with A was very short lived.
 

Zeibyasis

New member
Zei

Hello!

I'll introduce myself as Zei [pronounced like the letter Z alone]. I -do- have a normal birth given name, but I actually prefer Zei due to its very personal identification. =D I'll be 25 on July 4th.

I'm not religious so much as I am spiritual. I find spirituality very personal and unique to the individual. I'm an artist. There are many hobbies and things I enjoy to do. I love good conversation, good food, cooking, hiking, exploring the outdoors, geocaching, reading, tea...I do love tea [I have an entire cabinet dedicated to my tea], drawing, painting, crafting, music, concerts, the zoo, kitties, gaming, and I'm a huge movie buff. I'm actually quite the nerd.

I live with my boyfriend in Colorado. We are very new to this lifestyle choice. It's been a little over a month since I brought up the idea. I wasn't sure he'd be okay with it, but I knew he'd listen. Lucky for me he is quite excited about the idea himself!

I personally stumbled into the idea of being poly by being forced to evaluate my mental and emotional state in realizing I just feel my capacity for loving people is endless. My boy and I have had some rough spots where I thought I had fallen for someone else, and this meant I had to leave him because obviously in this society I was raised in it was not okay to have more than one person to intimately care for! I never actually did, he let me be stupid and held my hand [so to speak] the whole way. Sure we have our problems but what relationship doesn't?

Then, I had a friend mention how she and her boy have a tendency to coax people into bed with them...and realized that I was strangely comfortable with this idea. It all fell into place after that. I started to research the idea, I knew that people had non-monogamous relationships...but I never really looked into it to understand to what extent. The more I read and learned, the more I felt like I'd found a place to be comfortable. It was very liberating! Not too long after I approached my boy about it and we've been discussing it on and off ever since. We're both very happy and it has seemed to bring us even closer together.

I can't really say what I'm interested in finding at the moment. More or less just friends to talk to about it, people that are understanding and open as well. It's not exactly something to broadcast to the world in our society...nor do I feel it needs to be. :) I want to make new poly friends.

So, Hai!
 

lamnidae

New member
My name is Erin, and I am 27. My husband is 30 and we have been in relationship with an amazing woman (I think I will refer to her as L) for the past 3 months. My husband and L have known each other for 2 years, and in the past 6 months it became very evident that they shared a connection. She and I had never really spent time together, but once we started it was very evident that we shared a connection as well. The beginning was bumpy as my husband was slammed with a couple of jealousy issues that he didn't think were an issue. He has worked his behind off dealing with them, and I would venture to say things have reached a comfortable place. So, here I am!
 

Elliott

New member
I live in Yorkshire, my family in Lancashire. I'm 20 and at University.

I'm a trans man, living with my fiance H, a genderless person and loving also a trans woman E and a cis woman C.

I've never been in a monogamous relationship in my life. I love my three partners, all of whom are either open or searching for another partner themselves. I think people think that i'm the only poly person in our little group and that I just date any girl I want but that's not true.

I'm very much in love with my partners and we are long term, hopefully for life.
 

Sorcha17

New member
New to this site as a member although I have been a guest viewer on here for a couple of months. Very new to identifying as polyamorous. About 3 years ago I was made aware of the term and read a few of the books that have been mentioned on some threads here. Very happy to have found it- I literally thought there was something ethically wrong with me. I felt relief to know that yes there is a community of people just like me and I am not so odd. I have a lot to give and need to explore every worthy relationship in it's entirety. :)

I am divorced but currently in three relationships: a primary bf, a secondary gf and a secondary LDR-secondary, not tertiary because it has been an ongoing affair since 1989. I am bisexual but most of my life my primary relationships have been with men. My husband and I officially split up 6 months ago. He tried valiantly to deal with my poly lifestyle and as a monogamously identifying man it was quite a fete. I love him for his efforts. In the end, he could not handle it and the stress was zapping the energy out of our relationship-although he did try to have a secondary relationship with another lovely woman, he just isn't able to feel balance or juggle the relationships. He has moved on and so am I. I was crushed at first because after 10 years I thought we were in a place of openess and trust and understanding. Towards the end of my marriage I was already in a relationship with my now primary. My husband asked me to give him up and I struggled thru a brief breakup before I confessed to my husband that I could not give up my bf, that the love was deep and valued. It just wasn't possible for me to walk away from it.

My ex and I have two beautiful children (two girls- 10 and 7) and are doing everything to make this transition easy for them. We are the best of friends afterall and have loved eachother the majority of our adult lives. So- we have a common interest in seeing our children growup happy and healthy and have been very careful to not let our other relationships interfere with that. He is seeing a great woman now, I was a little jealous at first but now I see that they are so much better suited; as am I with my lifestyle. That is me in a nutshell.:D

I welcome and would love for anyone to suggest other sites or threads on here that I may find interesting in exploring opening up about my lifestyle. It is still quite secret to most people in my life: some family and friends and especially coworkers are unaware, although I would like to be a bit more open about it. I also need some suggestions as to how to really keep my kids happy and introduce them to poly in as natural a way as possible- no traumatic "outings" is of utmost importance! :eek:
 

Bicple16667

New member
Bedford Pa couple

Hello,
We are a married poly swinger couple from the Bedford Pa area, very bi fem, orally bi male. We are looking for friends, playmates, and possible LTR. We are both artists & musicians, long haired old hippys, love country living, very open minded, like to party, and are 420 friendly. Give us a shout if you think you'd like to get to know us.
Thanks :)
 

Astrid

New member
Astrid

I am in a long-term poly relationship which is starting to um.. grow complicated.:confused:

It is a f-m-f with a firm agreement of poly-fidelity, though recently is has gone from an equilateral triangle to a V with the boyfriend as the hinge. The falling out is not necessarily anyone's fault but a deepening relationship between (we'll call them Olivia and Peter) in which I, Astrid, have become the emotional fail-safe.
 

FormerUnicorn

New member
In hindsight, it's obvious...

I'm a married, 27 year old bisexual female living in Wasilla, Alaska, and I'd say I'm somewhat new to the concept of conscious, conscientious polyamory, though I'm no stranger to it in practice.

From my earliest relationships, I was saddened by the pressure to be a serial monogamist, and I made a nominal effort to conform to this largely because it was what was expected, and I had no idea that there could be anything else. I was constantly and consistently guilty of emotional affairs, though I never felt guilty about them, and I tried to be honest about my feelings to the people I was with. My candidness usually bought me a lot of forgiveness, but it wasn't an easy path by any means.

I usually found myself entangled in multiple ongoing relationships that from the outside must have seemed horribly complex, but from the inside seemed perfectly normal. I just assumed that I had loose morals, chalked it up to being young, and figured I'd be over it by the time I met someone I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It never really bothered me, since it seemed like I had the time, energy, and most importantly the love necessary to sustain these various relationships, and I didn't feel like I was lying to any of the people in them.

Over the next few years, I found myself as the unicorn in two different, loving marriages.

The first happened when I had just moved back to England, through an organization I met a woman who invited me to hang out some time. We really hit it off, and her husband was taciturn, but had a wicked sense of humor, and I was hooked and completely stoked that I made such a great pair of friends.

I was highly amused when I showed up at their house a few weeks later and they admitted to plotting to get me into their bed. I had wondered if this was the case, and when I indicated that I would be up for that, they laid out their ground rules (which mostly limited the quality of the alone time I had with the husband) and I agreed that it sounded like an interesting and fun arrangement. I was growing very close to the wife in any case, and what had begun as something jokingly physical, grew into something happy and honest and very fulfilling.

I viewed the next year and a half as a magically blissful time in my existence, but when the pair found out they were pregnant, I was shut out of their lives, with the explanation that they needed to focus on one another while they came to terms with this new and exciting change.

Needless to say, my head understood, but my heart did not, and I didn't want to admit to myself that I was hurt. In hindsight, it's clear that I went into mourning for what I had lost so abruptly. I didn't even see them again until the baby was born, and though we were still willing to offer our friendship and love, that closeness that made things special was gone.

I moved to California for a guy I fell for, and we made a damn good go of it, but I was reacting badly to some medication that made me an emotional train wreck and the relationship was not strong enough to survive this. I was propositioned by an adorable female coworker of mine, who made it clear from the get go that she liked me and she wanted me to meet her husband. I was too amused at her forwardness to turn her invitation down.

Thus began the most emotionally complete, stable, loving relationship that I'd ever been in. I had never expected the first triad, and the fact that I found love and happiness in the unusual arrangement felt like a happy accident. Finding this second one and knowing what could come of it truly felt like a miracle to me. From nearly the first moment I came to the house, I was welcomed with open arms by the young wife, the much older husband, and even his two mostly-grown boys. There weren't the restrictions that were placed on me in the first triad, and I reveled in the emotional connections that I built, together and separately.

I have never known so much love in a house before, and it was a wonderful place to put the pieces of myself back together. It became clear over the next six months that this beautiful relationship was the only thing keeping me in California, and despite their urging that I move into their spare room when my lease was up, I decided to move back to England. I don't know what I was afraid of, but the economy was terrible even before the country's economy tanked and when I was laid off of yet another job I could not in good conscience become a dependent of this wonderful family.

If I mourned the loss of the first relationship, I was truly adrift at the loss of this second one--and by my own hand--and to be honest I miss them to this day.

And then I met my husband. :)

(To be continued)
 

noisymother

New member
Once upon a time . . .

Gradually my husband and I realised that he needed to become 'she' - that was the solution to the problems we'd been experiencing for the past year or so. And that's the path we're embarking on. Part of this new life is me deciding that because I still want a relationship with my partner - albeit non-sexual - and I want to have some fun and see some other guys - I am polyamorous.

I don't want a big one on one romantic relationship - I have been there and done that. With my personal situation and rural location a few 'Friends with Benefits' would work perfectly. I've signed up with Ok Cupid and am chatting online to a few guys and am meeting up with one guy in particular - who lives across the water rather inconveniently - in a couple of months time.

Friendship, open-ness and honesty are paramount - without those there is nothing.
 

TruckerPete

New member
Our Evolution

I was temporarily monogamous with my fiancé, Indigo, for the first year and a half of our relationship. We have been gradually moving out of this phase since around Christmas (2009).

I've known I am poly for a long time, but didn't realize it until a few years ago. R is the first person I've been able to explore this with.

From the outset of our relationship, I made it clear to Indigo that I needed to be poly, but was willing and able to wait for him. He has not had many loves in his life, nor sex with someone he wasn't dating (until recently). He was burned badly serveral times in his past by cheaters, one of whom was a fiancée.

Before I'm corrected, I will say that I do understand the difference between poly and open. However, I tend to date ass-backwards and usually go from sex to love, not the other way around.

The concepts of an open relationship and poly were completely foreign to Indigo. He struggled for a long time with the idea that sex didn't have to mean love, love isn't necessarily the same kind of love we share, or that I could love someone else and still love him (still working on this one). He thought that any of those things meant he wasn't enough for me, was less of a man, and that I didn't love him completely.

I didn't push for opening our relationship, but we kept up a dialogue about it. When I started to get the familiar itch around Christmas to find someone else, I broke down in tears. I told Indigo that I didn't want to be a cheater, didn't want to break his heart and lose his trust, but knew it would happen if we couldn't open up soon.

I felt selfish.

I have since come to realize that I was not and am not selfish. Poly is a part of who I am. I cannot control it any more than I can control that I'm bisexual, or that I dislike cabbage! I have realized that as much as I love Indigo, we would have to go our seperate ways if open/poly was not an option. It's not an ultimatum; it's who I am. It is no more selfish than if he required monogamy and could not love AND live with my poly heart.

Luckily, Indigo saw my pain quite clearly. We started with a baby step. I was allowed to date women, because they were far less threatening to him. Obviously, there is no comparison physically between men and women, so in his mind, he was not threatened. Much to his surprise, our love and sex life exploded as I rejoiced when this piece of me was able to express itself again.

Fast forward about a month. On his own, Indigo came to the conclusion that since I am bisexual, I could very well run off with a woman if I loved her "more". But rather than panicking, he realized that if he could trust me to love women, it was rather close-minded on his part (with regards to my sexuality) not to trust me with men.

So naturally, I was thrilled. Men are easier to find, for me. And I perhaps (no definitely) took off from the gate too eagerly. I have since given a most heartfelt apology.

I have been keeping reasonable track of progress! Follow me here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3447
 
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gomugirl1656

New member
I am gomugirl from Arkansas. I am 41 and kink toward BDSM (though not currently practicing I have been both bottom and top) and am bi. I am currently in relationship with two mono men one for 14 years and one for 8. I live with #1 and we are legally married. #2 lives in another town (3 hours away) we have been doing the quarterly timeshare dance for many years and are looking at stepping up the intensity of our relationship. A challenge to say the least. I have had a third spice who is now sadly deceased but I am still in touch frequently with his widow and children who I love dearly. I am polyfi and enjoy the ride.
 

bettybaker

New member
Hi! I'm Betty. I'm a coffee-drinking piano teacher in the San Francisco Bay Area. I like to play blues piano and read how-to books and sci-fi in my spare time. Lately I've been watching The Dollhouse and 24 via Netflix.

I'm engaged to be married in September of 2010 to my long-time partner, Dr. Sweetheart. Four days after we marry we'll celebrate our 10th anniversary. I was in an intense relationship for more than two years with Mr. Magnetic, and I'm still kinda broken up about the end of that. I'm seeing Teh Grimster and Mr. Surrealist and I'm in full on happy-about-that mode.


Dr. Sweetheart and I have been poly for the vast majority of our time together; for essentially ten years. I was *not* a duck-to-water polyamorist, but this far in, it seems as natural as breathing to me. Most days. When my hormones and the stars are aligned.
 

AlmaMay

New member
Unicorn missing other Unicorns

I too know unicorns exist - since I am one.
was never able to find a couple to be with long term in my 20's.

Never had a long term monogamous relationship before my husband. Knew when I was younger, that if I ended up with a woman - would miss a man.
and with a man would miss the kiss of a woman.

I'm Married to an open man (more bi, than not) and still hoping to find a woman to be with.

Some of my best loving experiences were in my 20's in various three somes.
I love commitment and honesty of marriage, but miss the group dynamic
and of course loving women.

I'm 42 and a mom of two beautiful boys.

Dont' know if I'll ever find another unicorn to be with. But, I do no they exist, when I look in the mirror.

Alma from New Mexico
 

celtickitten

New member
I'm 34, married for two years to Hubby of Awesomeness.

Currently dipping our toes into the poly lifestyle. Mutual (mono) friend of ours is morphing in to my Boyfriend of Win. Still taking it nice and slow with lots of discussion amongst the group. Hurts that he's across the country, but that'll change in about a year or so when we move to his area (something we had planned to do before all of this anyway).

Happy as a clam that Hubby and myself have finally admitted to being of the same mindset when it comes to the ability to love more than one person at a time. But due to the newness of things, I'm sure we'll encounter some things that we need to work through.

Time will tell. So far, so good.
 

nymphs

New member
hello everyone

I want to say alittle about me and my husband. He is 43 years old and I'm 25 years old we have been married for 4 years now, we have 2 wonderful kids we have lived in missouri for awhile but movinG to iowa. We are on here to find a a woman to join us and our family. We probly would have found her if I wasn't shy :S. He says he won't find her because she more for me then him. He has heart problems and probly won't live as long as me and I decided when he does go I'm not going to date other men I'll be with a girl. So there our story and I don't mind friends either :)
 

Breathesgirl

New member
Hi all.

I'm currently 43, female & have two male partners. I live with Breathes who currently doesn't have another partner. I date Possibility who has a male & female primary.

Breathes and I have been together for 5 years.
 

Kiwibigluv

New member
G'day and Kia Ora, from New Zealand/Aotearoa. We are a fmf 'trouple'; Francis, Shirl, and Bfre (Be Free), and co-habit in a polyfidelitous relationship. We've been a trouple for four years, come this October! Woohoo!

Most of our friends and families know of our very special relationship and no one seems to be bothered by it. If anything, I think our friend and families are supportive 'cos they see our relationship as something very special.

A bit about us...

Francis - 52, male, works in social services, ruggedly good-looking *cough*, and a fairly good-natured kiwi bloke. Can tie a cherry stalk into a knot in his mouth. ;)

Shirl - 38, female, office manager, cute-as, and is the household's chief organisor of our social and daily/weekly/monthly activities. Luvs her cats. Is obsessed with "Shortland Street" (local medical soapy.)

Bfre - 38, female, artist, and also cute. Bfre has a fantastic gift for counselling and sorting our interpersonal problems. Luvs her cats, bunnies, two frogs, and would luv to add chickens, pukekos, and a Llama to our menagerie. (Francis sez 'no' - our local city council would have a fit!!)

We are also members of www.nzpoly.co.nz.
 

cruftnot

New member
Looking for some perspective

I'm Z, 38, and married to N for 9 years. We started out not quite monogamous -- but the unspoken premise was conventional monogamy.

We opened up the relationship multiple times, and I dated other women. Through this experimentation and the excruciatingly painful drama that followed, we're pretty certain that I'm as poly as they come, and I am out as such to friends and family. Unfortunately, N's self-discoveries lead in the opposite direction -- she's pretty certain she needs a conventional "closed" marriage for at least a few years.

So here we are in the dreaded monopoly minefield, and carrying our kids along for the ride. It is hard for both of us as there is almost no common ground. To add to the pain and pressure, one of my two long-distance girlfriends, K, recently left me, mostly because she was unable to handle the drama. The other, G, is showing growing signs of distress. Within a year G will either move closer with the expectation of having a normal secondary relationship, or break up with me as well.

It's getting high time to make some hard decisions, and I am hoping to glean some wisdom from the collective experience on this site.
 

gwendolenthefair

New member
(I moved this from the Life Stories/Blogs forum, decided it was more appropriate here.)

I am a recent arrival to this forum, although I have a fairly strong presence on the polymatchmaker forums.

Four years ago I read about polyamory online at a time when I was mildly unhappy with the intimacy (mostly the nonsexual kind) I had with my husband, Darren. (All first names have been changed, it's a small poly world, and how!) It really resonated with me. Darren and I had met when I was 19 and he was 20 and we had been monogamous for over 20 years, married for 18 of them. I felt that he was the love of my life, no question, but I wanted more closeness, excitement, connection, sex in my life. Polyamory seemed like the perfect way to get all those things and still remain an honest and ethical person.

Darren wasn't so sure poly was a good fit for us, but after I had a strong emotional connection with an online buddy (which never got physical), he gave me a green light to explore a bit. He himself hung back for a while, didn't attempt to date or meet anyone to date. Instead, he did a lot of research on how things worked in this lifestyle, which has proven invaluable to both of us.

I didn't know what I was doing at first. I believed that men would be emotionally available to me even if they didn't identify as poly. I was dead wrong on that. I was too trusting with people, had unrealistic expectations. I put up with crap from partners and potential partners that I would never put up with now. I learned the hard way.

About a year into our poly experience, I persuaded Darren to seek partners. I was feeling guilty because I'd had a lot of fun and excitement for a year, even if I hadn't managed to form any lasting and loving relationships.

Darren's brief foray on OKcupid (which I had happily discovered right around then) netted him Jessie, a married mother of two who was supposedly poly and lived about three hours away from us. They had an immediate online connection that she spent hours a day nurturing. Darren's inexperience with women in general, as well as his strong desire for more friendships in his life, caused him to take that online connection much more seriously than he should have so early on.

To make a long story short, Jessie turned out to be an emotionally unstable, pathologically needy woman in a bad marriage, who rocked our world with flattery, lies, manipulation, dragging him into bed on their first (and only) date, attempts to make Darren question our two decades-plus connection, and ultimately, a death threat (against me). They only ever met once in person, in the end. I have since learned that Jessie was a fairly classic example of a "cowgirl," a phenomenon I read about on a couple of other poly forums. One of the things I have tried to do since, as a poly person, is educate others about the pitfalls of these kinds of people, and how to identify them.

Darren and I were in pretty bad shape after I insisted he give Jessie the heave-ho. The situation had illuminated the fact that we really did not have the trust between us that we needed to be successfully poly. He had concealed something very serious from me (the death threat) that I absolutely should have been informed about. I hadn't had trust in him either, I found out about the death threat by snooping in his emails. He had a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that he couldn't have really known Jessie at all after five weeks of emails and one date, and had misjudged her character and emotional stability grievously. I had a very hard time with the pace of the relationship, and the fact that he knew a woman for a few weeks, slept with her once, and suddenly seemed to be giving her equal status with me. We took ourselves off to a poly-friendly counselor at that point, who helped put us back together as a couple and mend our trust.

While Darren was still involved with Jessie, I had met Fred, a recently separated man who was fairly new to poly, on OKcupid. We had an instant friendship connection. I was not really physically attracted to him, but he was romantic and sweet and seemed incredibly caring, and was always ready to offer advice and support on the Jessie situation. I think the trouble Darren and I were having made Fred and I get closer than we would have otherwise. I don't even know if I would have become Fred's lover had I not been under that massive stress. Fred might have ended up as just a friend. But I needed a shoulder to cry on, and I so wanted a boyfriend, love, romance, dating, after a year of casual sex flings.

Fred and I ended up dating for over two years. I fell in love with him, despite the fact that my physical attraction to him did not change and sex was usually more of a duty than a pleasure for me. I continued to seek other partners, mostly for this reason, but did not find anything much more compelling than the same sort of flings I had had before meeting Fred.

Fred started dating Erin, a female friend of mine, after I had been with him about six months. We "shared" him quite happily for a year. Then Erin's husband left her and she wanted a more substantial relationship with Fred. My relationship with Fred started hitting bumps the very month Erin's husband walked out on her. We spent the next seven months in increasing distress, mistrust, angst, etc., until Fred, almost certainly under Erin's influence, compromised my trust by weaving a whole web of lies designed to manipulate me into not doing something that Erin felt to be threatening. Ironically, what Erin objected to was me posting about her attempt to get Fred to dump me in an online forum, even though I did not, and would not, reveal any true first names or online profile IDs. Erin and I were no longer friends by that point. Our friendship had ended when she had told me, some months prior, that Fred was justified in ignoring my needs because SHE was the primary partner, not me (this was based on her spending one more night a week with him than I did). Since I saw Erin as an adversary, not a friend, because of that, I was very angry at Fred's attempted manipulation of me and control of my speech on Erin's behalf, especially when the reason I was posting on the online forum to begin with was because I was seeking advice to try to heal the relationship I had with him.

I insisted that Fred come clean about the lying. I never found out the extent of the lies, only that his story about what had initially happened changed twice. I expected he would do what was needed to mend our trust, since he loved me, or so he said. Instead, Fred dumped me as a friend and partner, and cut off contact completely, rather than come clean about what he had lied about. I believe that he felt he was protecting Erin, because had I found out with certainty that she had orchestrated his lying and attempted manipulation of me, I would have likely told mutual friends about it.

I believe that Fred's insecurities were a large part of why we didn't make it. He always questioned why I was with him, could never quite believe that I saw anything in him. acted like we were some sort of Beauty and the Beast situation. In actuality, I am probably somewhat more conventionally attractive than Fred, but not to the point where most people would even take note of it. I think Fred felt much more secure with Erin, who is massively overweight and considered homely by most.

I have been devastated by the loss of my much-loved partner for the past two months, but am finally starting to feel better. I realize now that Fred was dishonest, and disloyal to boot, since I was his partner too, as well as Erin, and did not deserve to have him take sides, against me, the way he did. Shortly before our relationship ended, Fred confessed to me that his history of cheating on his former wife in his pre-poly days was not one love affair as I had thought, it was eight years of casual flings with women he met on a sex site. Had I known that, I probably would never have gotten involved with him in the first place.

The relationship I have with Darren is probably the strongest it has ever been. We have a very deep level of closeness, caring, and honesty with each other. He has been tremendously supportive throughout my breakup with Fred. He lost friends there too, he was close with both Fred and Erin, they betrayed both of us. While I hate what has happened, I know that if I had to walk away from the situation with just one man in my life, I am so grateful that the man was Darren, the love of my life, the father of my children, the man I want to grow old with, rather than Fred, whom I now know to be weak, and not worthy of me.

I have also met someone new who is literally the first person I have met, in four years of being poly, who seems emotionally available AND is physically attractive to me. I don't know him well yet but he seems absolutely perfect except for him being 18 years my junior (gulp). I am really hoping that this relationship works out.

I would also like to find a couple that Darren and I could date together. We were in a quad for a few months this past winter together with another married couple, that did not work out. We really enjoyed the quad dynamic and would love to find another couple who might be more compatible than our first one. I realize that quads are tricky and finding a successful one is a long shot, but I'm hopeful.
 
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