Personal Summaries


New member
Back to the Family

I've been away from the community for many years. I thought that patience and love would make the difference in my committed relationship, but clearly now, that wasn't going to be the case. :(

I've known that I am poly from the time (around 1995) that I first found the newsgroup and discovered Loving More.

I'm not currently (start of 2011) looking for a relationship. I want to take some time to process the end of my last relationship. But I do need the comfort of hearing from folks who are celebrating joyous and healthy relationships. Not having been around poly people for some time, \my doubts have begun to resurface.

I'm here to reconnect, and be inspired by the relationships and families that many of you have. If I can contribute a well-timed insight or point of view, then my time here will have been well spent.



New member
Hello all,

Been around here a while but haven't added to this topic...

I am Andy. I am 26. I am married and in a open relationship. My wife is not poly, but has been amazingly supportive of me finding someone to explore with.

We live in southern Minnesota, about 2 hours south of the Minneapolis area.

I am seeking a simple friends with benefits/casual girlfriends type V situation. Heavy emphasis on the emotional friends connection not on sex. My wife is interested in a possible friendship with whomever I would find, but is not bisexual.

Thats me in a a nutshell. If anyone is interested in talking to me more, PM me. I'm actively seeking both a partner and just like minded friends.


New member
Seeking Poly Relationship in Texas or Midwest

Hi, My name is Russ, and I live if Frisco (Dallas area). I have dabbled in 'swinging' relationships with women and couples, a few times in the past. It just seemed 'natural' to me, as my wife and I have had problems for years. She had a stroke a couple of years ago, and is very limited in many things that she does. I am simply seeking what I miss so much in a relationship - intimacy. So I am looking for a woman, couple, or group, for a "fun, friendly" intimate relalationship. I am caucasian, 55, 5' 10", 180, and in great shape. I call on customers across the DFW area, Texas, the sourrounding States, and the Central U.S. A long distance relationship would certainly be welcomed, but it would be great to find such a relationship in an area, where I get to frequently on business.


New member
Hello all I'm Francesca feel free to send me a message. I am eighteen and am bisexual with a preference way towards women.

I guess you all are wondering about me, what you are going to get out of reading this, and more.

First I am currently practicing monogamy for a couple months or more because a new partner is going through some rough times and I want to be there to support her.

I hope to start practicing polygamorous relationships once she gets her living arrangements settled and then relocate after college.

Got a question? Ask me.

Goodbye for now!


New member
Saturday, December 25, 2010 09:34 - 10:20 EST
. post #2

Hello, and Merry Christmas.

I recently discovered this forum after reading a Wikipedia article on "polyamory". Although I'd heard the word years before, I hadn't looked into it, assuming it was another word for "swinging."

Now I discover that it's more like non-monogamy with honesty and without guilt, which is an idea that makes perfect sense to me.

I have never felt that, nor understood why, strong feelings for one person "should" diminish or interfere with one's feelings for a second (or third, etc.) person. Whenever I have tried to explain this, however, I've received responses such as "You're weird," "You just want to eat your cake and have it too," or "You're afraid of commitment." Safely ensconced in the fortress of "conventional wisdom" and traditional morality, these remarks are usually accompanied by a certain air of smug self-righteousness.

But, this is about to change.

Because now, I realize I'm not "weird."
Because now, I realize that many others have beliefs similar to mine.
And because now, I have a WORD for my beliefs: Polyamory.

From now on, I'm gonna say it loud, and I'm gonna say it proud:

"I'm polyamorous!"
Last edited:


New member
I'm Zephyr. I'm 40ish, married for a couple decades. My husband is a shade older. We've just moved into a new place, along with our fiance. We are a closed MFF triad, dealing with all the bumps and bruises of a new relationship settling down.

I'm here because my other main source of poly support is a forum our fiance reads. I've established a profile name not known to either of them -- not because I want to hide things from them, but because I need a sounding board to bounce things off of and work through on my own, in my own time and space, before bringing things to her or him.

I'm looking forward to reading here.



New member
I'm 21, Canadian, and at the moment transient between different parts of Ontario. The city where I grew up and my parents still live at one end of the province, the place I'm studying at the other end, with family, friends and acquaintances strung in between.

I'm a full-time student for the next four months at least, and after that I'm not really sure where I'll be going or what I'll be doing.

I have been thinking about the practicalities of a number of different forms of poly for a few years now, including some initially mono relationships opened up at my request, which resulted in resounding failure for all involved.

To make a long story (which I'll likely elaborate on in another thread) short, I'm now a tentative secondary to a dude who has a girlfriend. So far it's working (mostly) and I almost feel like I'm looking for things to be wrong because it seems like it's working.

I have a motorcycle license, but no motorcycle, a driver's license, but no car, and possibly the worst case of the travel bug I've ever heard of.

I plan to die of exhaustion rather than boredom, and I love to talk about anything, everything, and whatever's in between, although philosophy and social theory are kinda my bag at the moment.

I'm (nearly) always up for a chat, and I'll likely be asking for directions on this little road trip of mine. After all, it would be boring if everything was already mapped out.


Active member
I live in NYC, work in an arts-related field, am in the process of getting a divorce, and currently investigating polyamory. Don't know if it's right for me yet, but it seems okay so far! Just started a new relationship with a man who is fully supportive of my being poly. Have another person I am interested in, an ex-bf, with whom I recently rekindled a relationship after many years of no contact. It may or may not become sexual with him, depending on what he's ready for. If we remain close friends, I'd be happy, too. Also corresponding with a married poly guy on OKC, whom I will probably meet next month. So, I'm just starting out on this poly journey. My ideal situation would be to be independent and solo, with several boyfriends. I am finding I enjoy living alone now.


New member
Who is Monolicious?

Hey there,
I'm monolicious.

I am a 42 year old monogamous woman in a wonderful 20 year marriage living in New Zealand. We also have two teenage children.

Two years ago, my husband came out as poly without having any infidelitious relationship. He just discovered the concept and knew it described who he was and how he wanted to live his life. At first, I honestly thought it was a passive way of beginning to prepare me for divorce.

But as we began to look into poly, I could see that it fit his outgoing, deeply relational, extroverted personality to a tee. We continued exploring what poly would mean together. We spent 18 months reading, processing, talking to poly folk and researching. There were times when I was utterly terrified. And other times when I was excited and enthused. One thing I was always sure of was that I loved my husband, that he loved me, and that we both wanted to remain together and fully who we have become.

At that point, we decided to include our children in the process, as they were old enough to sense that "big changes" were afoot, but we thought their guesses or imaginings about what that was would not include poly, but be much scarier than the truth.

My daughter struggled (and still struggles) much more than my son, but we have kept them in the loop and encourage then to share fears, thoughts, input and questions with us all along the way.

In July/August of 2010, my husband developed a relationship with another woman (also mono). We started as a V with me having very little contact with her except to navigate guidelines/expectations.

A couple months in, we experimented with a triad, but it quickly became apparent that I am primarily mono (and so is she) and poly doesn't work well between all of us. I pulled back and we resumed the V which is working very well now. Their relationship is probably beginning to wind down for other reasons (ie- she really wants a mono relationship with marriage and kids). Still, as our first foray into polyland it has been a good and educational experience.

My husband is very much enjoying a life where he can pursue every and any relationship that sparks his interest to its natural outcome.

I am growing in my understanding of my husband, poly, and my own monogamy. Yes, I am monogamous and my husband being poly doesn't negate that. I still get to choose how I do relationship. I do not consider myself "less evolved" for living a relational model that I excel at and has rewarded me throughout my life with good relationships. Nor do I consider poly less than monogamy. Each is a relational model with pros and cons, and each serves certain people better than the other.

I won't pretend it has or will be easy, but it certainly encourages personal and relational growth.


New member

I'm currently in a mono relationship. I tried for months to resist getting into it but my bf gave me an ultimatum and I wasn't ready to let go of him yet... so I gave it a shot and constantly go back and forth on whether I'm happy or not.

I've only tried to really be poly for a few months in my life... always been miserable in mono relationships, but tend to gravitate toward serious guys that want to get married.

I stumbled on the concept of polyamory when I lived in San Francisco, and found out that a good friend of mine is poly.

I guess ultimately I'm very confused about where I stand, and just know that mono isn't working. I'm here looking for answers.


I don't have much of a disguise.


I'm 31, a sculptor/blacksmith/teacher/stone mason/writer/etc.
Ohio born, but I've lived and worked in most regions of the U.S., except for New England...

Moved back to Ohio for family medical reasons about four months it were, I simultaneously left a tragically failing 3 year relationship with a dear friend in the Southwest. I breath easier these days.

Currently, I am the live-in caretaker for a beautiful historic home that I cut my remodeling teeth on when I started college years ago. Surrounded by art every day of my life. And then some...

Rarechild has been Friend to me in ways I will never be able to describe. I'm in love with my Friend. Her husband, Catfish, has been a Friend to me in ways I will also never be able to describe. I love my Friend. We three have been a Vee since I arrived back in town in October...Rarechild felt it proper to hit me in the chest with her big poly-love hammer before I could consider hittin' the road again. Wrang my bell, so to speak.

Uh, Rarechild and I got T-boned by a truck the other day while I was in town for some much needed family time. Everybody's OK, but the car's scrap metal. Made for some highly unexpected and blessed family time, and that ain't no joke.

There's my nutshell.


New member
New but excited

I am M, married 4 years to E, I am a 26 year old female, straight. I am a SAHM to two beautiful children who are 2 and 4. Recently we nearly divorced, due to me feeling something was missing. I have come to realize a lot of people feel like this after being married for a bit. We have talked a lot in the past about swinging, which made me see that I am looking for more in my life than just one love. I was so distraught at the decision of divorce as was he, so we finally opened up and talked about having an open marriage. We are happier than ever now, even though we haven't had any experiences yet. I am Moving about 9 hours away from him, I find myself drained by the place we live now. We will see eachother often, since its not horribly far. I have a friend who is interested in taking me out when I get home, I am definitely considering it. I am excited for our new life to begin.


New member
hi...brand new couple looking for info and advice

Hi there - we are a New Jersey couple in our 30's (straight male, 35; bi female, 39) that is looking to explore opening our relationship up to a new partner.

We've been married for 15 years, have kids and have been active as swingers for a few years. Since the summer of 2010, we've been looking more seriously at a poly arrangement to add to the strong relationship we already have.

This forum looked like a good place to get advice from experienced people and find our way in this uncharted territory in our lives...we look forward to chatting with you!


New member
So glad to be here!

Hey everybody!

I'm a 23 yr old bi-sensual female, and I guess I always new I was poly, even when I didn't have the words for it. I was always really aware of my sexuality, and sensuality, even from an early age. My mother likes to tell of the silky edged blanket that I would run between my fingers and toes for hours. Looking back, I realized I had intercourse probably earlier than "healthy" for most standards, but it was consensual and with a contemporary. This started the habit of having sex to make another happy, rather than as a way to grow closer with someone you care about. I've only recently, I feel, really come to grasp with my sexuality and reunite it with love, or at least, respect, communication, and honesty. I went from relationship to relationship, without really every asking myself what I wanted. Two years ago, after a year long relationship, I swore never again to be in a committed relationship with someone that I wasn't 100% about, and frankly I wasn't to hopeful about that happening any time soon. Yet, sooner than I thought possibly, I am in my first truly honest, open AND committed relationship.

I feel truly lucky to have met my partner. I'll call him Pookie, since he is pretty much like a teddy bear. Classically handsome, talented, dedicated, he basically won my heart by attrition, just by being himself. He was truly innocent when we started hanging out, in the way only previously deeply religious person can be. While he initially was very mono, through some personal experiences (and my truly excellent sexual training), he's recently become poly-minded. For both of us, it isn't about just fucking around, it's about being free to genuinely care for other people in our lives, and if we feel comfortable AND ARE SAFE, be close to them physically as well.

We're still very, very new to this. We talk a lot about the concept and how we're applying it, and have a full disclosure policy that we love to honor, because frankly it's hot. ;) I feel so lucky because I didn't have to dig through years of relationship issues with Pookie to get him to open up to the poly mindset. I have developed communication skills since I was a little girl, and honed them in sales, and those plus my own heart tell me I can trust him, and I want to build my future with him.

I came here to read other's stories, their mistakes and triumphs, and learn what I need to do to nurture this relationship and help it grow.


New member
Accidental Quad

Hello from Colorado! My husband and I (15 years) have been in a quad relationship with my best friend and her husband for the past year. It began when my friend, very nervously admitted to having a crush on me. I put her mind at ease and assured her the feeling was mutual! Both of our husbands had fantasies about watching a lesbian couple making out, so we arranged for an evening of experimentation. However, they were quickly included in the fun and for the past year we have had an amazing, rocky, deeply intimate, emotional roller coaster ride with them. We have not "outed" our relationship to anyone except our therapists. Both couples see (separate) marriage councilors who help us keep our primary relationships in proper and healthy working order. Both therapists are very supportive of the quad and very open minded. The men tend to struggle with jealousy of some level pretty much on a regular basis though. They also tend to get into an emotional funk when they have "performance" issues. That being said, we are a very solid group. Our paramount concern had always been that our individual marriages remain healthy, and our basic friendship remain in-tact. If the romantic piece ever needs to be put on the back burner, the friendship must remain. So far, so good. I sometime worry that we are playing with fire, but as time goes on, we seem to be getting better at it! :)


New member
Very Shy Hello...

Hello, everyone. I am a folk artist/awesome-vegan-cook who lives in FL with my beautiful and loving partner, M. We have been together for just over 3.5 years and have only just recently (within the last 1.5 months) began to have a dialogue about nonmonogamy.

It's been a very difficult few weeks, and I am unfortunately in a situation where I don't have folks my age that I can go to with my concerns, aside from my partner. She is more than willing to listen to my concerns but I feel that for her to be the only person I speak with about it is asking too much.

I have never been in a poly relationship; in fact I have only been in one other relationship previously, another mono one, which was rife with abuse and dysfunction, cheating, sexual power-play (NON-consensual, most of the time), and caused real deep scars for me. I tend to think of polyamory as some folks think of communism- it sounds good on paper, and I agree that monogamy can be seen for many reasons as inherently oppressive. Initially in our relationship we both agreed to monogamy. For me it seemed the "safest" thing to do, due to my mental issues (PTSD, severe depression, etc.) and issues I have that revolve around intimacy (which have resulted in us being on "different pages" when it comes to how frequently we would like to have sex.) M agreed to it because, (as has now come to light) it was what *I* wanted, and also because she had been in a previous relationship in which there was an attempt to incorporate a third person, and that had resulted in some emotional issues with her x-wife, and had been kind of the "beginning of the end" of their relationship. Recently, however, she has come to me and made it clear that she can no longer feel comfortable with us being a "monogamous couple." She wants to remain partnered with me, but wants to be able to express love for other people, and does not want that love to be limited to emotions. She says that currently she has no plans to find another lover, but she wants the option to be there if she meets someone for whom she cares deeply.

I've always been so secretly envious of stories I hear about folks who are able to love more than one person, I have just felt that for some reason I didn't deserve that much love or that I would fail and be jealous (I seem to have trauma-responses to situations that trigger my jealousy). I have been able to identify a lot of my fears

I want to learn about nonmonogamy, so that if nothing else, I can let go of this woman who has been such a wonderful person in my life without hurting her or having to feel as though our departure is due to my own failures. I want to truly love her. I am very interested in hearing the stories of others who have successfully gone from mono to poly- that would give me some hope. I have been very sad, and felt so very alone... I have social axiety issues also... I just would like to reach out to some folks. I want to be a good person who lives her principles. I want to learn how to love in a way that isn't selfish and controlling.

So hello, how is everyone, and it's very nice to meet the folks here.
Last edited:


New member
... and her partner in crime =-)

I am the loving partner, M (not sure about the beautiful part, seeing as how biased I know greeneyes to be). I am a less awesome Ⓥegan cook, but better than most because of my awesome cooking mentor :: bats eyes at greeneyes ::

Oh yeah, my only artistic inclination is toward the low-art known as the "clever remark" :: rimshot, followed by a disappointed sigh ::

I would go along with everything said above, so I'll try not to repeat. I am glad for greeneyes to have taken the time to find what she needed, and I hope it is in this forum. She invited me to join in, as well, and I appreciate the trust that her actions show =-x

We really are very passionately in love, even for a <4 year relationship. Although I have been the partner that has shown a greater interest in non-monogamy in this relationship, my interest has not been for lack of interest in greeneyes either romantically or sexually. I think the one thing I would really want to add to someone trying to understand where the two of us come from is to say that we are very dedicated to Ⓐnarchism and radical thinking. Also, we spend too much time thinking and discussing for most people's interest (which is why we're so good together, lolz). I say this because I have been in a relationship before where everything sexual was about "kicks," and if I had tried to tell you that intellectualism had anything to do with it, I'd have been lying, lolz!

As greeneyes said, I am not pursuing any romantic or sexual relationships outside our partnership right now. The point for me is not to pursue *anything*, but that also includes chastity. I have a better gauge for what would or wouldn't hurt greeneyes than any set of "rules" that can be spelled out. The important thing for me is not to hurt this womon I love so much <3


New member
Curious couple in Colorado, looking to learn

Hello folks! I am brainfreezy (31 M) and my wife of 4 years is periwinklesunset (34 F), here in glorious Littleton, CO.

We've both lived relatively heterosexual monogamous lives. I experimented a bit and have come to the realization that I am also attracted to transgendered females, and she's had girl crushes before on very close friends, but has not acted on them. These feelings came up again recently, leaving us both feeling guilty, awkward, and afraid of the other person's reaction. :( Fast-forward a few months of disconnection and marital frustration; we finally talked...

We outed our curiosities to each other, and found that while we both thought that something was indeed missing from our marriage, we didn't want to actually lose each other or what we have. Imagine our relief to find that we were actually on the same page all along, but too scared to bring it up with the other! :eek: We talked quite a bit about it, and everything really opened up. We're very happy now, and excited to try something new together as a couple - but where to begin? :confused: We thought about swinging, but that doesn't seem to ring our bell (admittedly, we haven't tried it). We actually like the idea of having emotional attachments involved, so long as everything is couched in heavy communication and an atmosphere of love and trust.

So we hit the internet and found this site. We read through many threads and talked about it, and both thought, "hey, yeah... this feels like what's missing." We're aware of the unicorn myth, and we've seen the HBB flowchart (to our humor and slight dismay), but we want to go ahead anyway and explore this side of ourselves. We're not even all that sure of what we want at this point. Its as if a huge door has been opened, and our eyes are still adjusting...

(For now we'll have to stick to our forum handles, as she and I have a unique pair of names, and we obviously haven't outed ourselves to our family and friends yet, especially as we are just figuring this out right now).:cool:

Okay, I've proofread this 50 times and it is what it is...

Thanks for your time! We look forward to getting to know you...
Last edited:


New member

It's always great to know there are local people who are like-minded. It seemed like when my husband and I had our "awakening" and realized that we are not monogomous that so many people started coming out of the woodworks... we are not as crazy as we thought!!

We are also pretty new to the game, we've had one relationship with a woman but we are definitely on the exploring page right now as well.

Always great to have like minded folk around! Glad you're here!