Personal Summaries

Woot, how come I haven't found this already?

I am BlackUnicorn, going on my 23rd year of life. I study Social Sciences but took a break from school in favor of full-time caring for my family, my mum, who has cancer, and my live-in girlie, who is bipolar.

I am a crazy dog lady and trying to adjust to life as a bunny co-parent, atm. I work with members of the learning-disabilities community. I identify as the kind of feminist your mum warned you about, and thus issues of sex work activism, violence against women and young women's issues are close to my heart, as well.

Lately I have absurd amounts of free time I don't know quite what to do with. I do experiment with yoga, rpgs and learning new languages as possible cushions to block me from the futility of my current existence. :p I am fluent, besides my native Finnish, in English and Swedish, and conversational in German and Estonian. All other languages I dabble with are in elementary stages as of yet. I am a born-again Christian Quaker and vote Environmental. Lately I've read a lot on Hindu/Buddhist philosophy.

I have a male sweetheart who is the hinge of a vee I hope will develop some point soon, and am in the first tentative stages of a FFM vee/possible triad, with kids. I adore children, btw, and am really psyched about a friend's baby project, hoping to be able to offer her support since she is atm a single mum.

Oh, and I am female, almost lesbian and 5'9'' to boot. I am always open to exploring new connections with whoever comes my way, but although not exactly shy, I am hard of hearing and prefer talking to people online, as opposed to in nightclubs or huge social gatherings.
 
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Stargazer23, female, bi-curious, live on the Gulf Coast in semi-large, conservative city. New to poly, I just came out to myself about four years ago with the help of a friend and mentor I call Rockstar.

I'm working my way out of a marriage to a man who can not accept me and with whom things have become abusive and mistrustful, despite my attempts at honesty. This is a complex and heart-wrenching divorce. I still love this man a lot and at one point, considered him my Best Friend. We had a good thing for a while, but the reality of my identity put me in the awful position of choosing between rocking the boat or cheating.

All of my needs simply can not be satisfied for life by one person. I don't even find that concept to be reasonable anymore.

I have a son not of this marriage and a need to be pragmatic, smart, clean and discreet.

I want to find a primary with whom I can have a secure, open, committed, safe relationship. I would like to eventually have another child or adopt with such person.

I am libertarian (lowercase L). I value respect for liberty above all else. I prefer honesty to lies, but lies to oppression. Don't make me choose.

I have enough love in my heart for the entire world and I don't think I could live with someone who didn't, as well.
 
The name's Stu.

Hailing from Parkville/Baltimore MD. 29, primarily straight (I guess I'm what the kids are calling "heteroflexible")

I'm completely new to poly, and am really just here to see if this is the right choice for me.

As far as what I'm all about...

I work in the repairs shop for Jarred's The Galleria of Jewelry. My passions include music (the heavier, the better), literature, film, and pretty much anything that can grab ahold of my attention span. I'm a devout (lmao) Atheist. I've got a bit of a morbid and sarcastic sense of humor, and I try not to take myself too seriously. Ya really can't laugh at anything until ya can laugh at yourself.
 
I'm MorningTwilight, a straight forty-something living in Texas with my wife of nearly two decades. Like so many, I was raised to believe in the fairy tale of "meet a girl and live happily ever after." I've had various crushes over that time period, and have repressed my feelings fiercely, not realizing that there was any other honorable alternative to beating myself up with guilt over my feelings, despite the fact that I have never so much as kissed another woman in the entire time my wife and I have been together. I've grown to resent the notion of monogamy, but I have thus far not had the courage to "come out" to my wife (and my, that sounds pretentious to me, but I think it's accurate) because the thought of dishing out the hurt and confusion that goes with that to someone whom I love so much, and who has been so very good to me, just crushes me.

Two years ago, I fell hard for a woman I work with. I've not told her about it, nor have I acted on it in any way (see "beating myself up with guilt," above), and I've not told my wife either (see "dishing out hurt and confusion," above). I realize that it's a messed-up emotional situation, and there's no guarantee of any kind that even if I successfully negotiate polyamory with my wife that my colleague would go for it. Still and all, I've come to the realization that I should stop beating myself up--one cannot control what one feels; one can only control what one does about it, and I think that I've not done anything dishonorable to date. I also think that I should stop living the lie that I can deal with monogamy for the rest of my life. The woman at work might not ever happen, but I'll certainly meet others as life progresses, and I hate, hate, hate the feeling of having to hold wonderful women at arm's length out of fear of having a friendship that "leads to something else."

I'm reading Tristan Taormino's book, Opening Up, in the hopes that seeing how others have succeeded might give me some courage. I'd be very grateful to be pointed to a thread about (formerly) monogamous couples who have faced the same fears I'm facing, and who have successfully had "the discussion" without it all going to pieces.

Anyway, it's good to be able to tell someone. Thank you.

(And no, I have no intention of an "OK for me but not for thee" arrangement, nor do I have any inclination to push her where she doesn't want to go, just in case anyone should get that impression. I don't want to lose my marriage, but I don't think I can pretend anymore, either.)
 
i'm from the united states, living in Finland for the past 6 years. in an open relationship which happens to be a marriage, but don't know anyone in this country who doesn't look down upon such arrangements and i'm not so good at meeting new people.

i'm a social scientist, both studying and working as a research assistant. just finished my master's degree and will start my PhD studies in august.

i'm 42 years old and have dated both women and men.

i am a music fanatic, obsessed with all sorts of styles but my background is in punk and rock. but i also listen to 'soft' music.

i am sweet and a good friend, but also introverted.

oh, and i'm female at least as far as my sex organs go. but androgynous as well.

currently bored and spend too much time online.
 
I'm fairly new to polyamory, maybe I could be considered poly-curious, so I'm here to learn. I've had little exposure to the polyamorous lifestyle - some experience among new friends and I've been reading a book called The Ethical Slut which has been making a lot of sense to me.

I'm 26, bi-sexual and living in New England.

I love art and music, though I have little talent to create my own. I also love learning, and often take any excuse to wax philosophical, though I've given up serious academic pursuits for the time being, until I can be certain what I want to do with my life. Sometimes I wonder if I've learned more in my time away from school. I'm just beginning to explore a new-found love of physical activity. As a child, I had no interest in sports, and I'm still not a competitive person, but I could easily get addicted to what some call a "runner's high". I'm looking forward to good weather for hiking this spring and summer. I feel most at peace in a natural setting.

Currently, I have one steady partner with whom I have a friends-with-benefits style relationship. I have occasional hook-ups with others as well, both outside of and with the aforementioned partner. I've enjoyed threesomes and am interested in group sex, though sometimes I prefer to focus my energies on just one person and vice-versa. I currently do not have any interest in being in a relationship with an established couple. I don't want to be anyone's side-dish, or have my needs be considered second-to or less-than that of anyone else. Maybe as I learn more about the polyamorous lifestyle, I'll change this stance, who knows?
 
New to the forum

Hello!

My name is Minxxa. I'm in my forties, married to my husband Raven. I've been non-monogamous in general for 15 years or so, though I've gone back and forth between just being "open" to being more "poly". My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 4. We've done a lot of work defining what we are to each other and are still working on management of other relationships, but communication is good and it's a process.

My husband currently has a longer term girlfriend who he sees once or twice a year (as time permits for them both), other relationships tend to be shorter term and infrequent as he's been gone for long periods of time over the past few years (he's in the military).

I haven't dated anyone else in quite a long time. For a few years I had declining health due to endocrine disorder issues, which made me exhausted and stressed-- not really conducive to dating! I've spent the last three years getting healthier (which I am and is still in progress), and going back to school for my Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology. So again, my time is pretty filled up and dating (or time to go places to meet people) is limited. Someday!

Anyway, I thought I'd better post some type of intro if I'm going to post on here occasionally. I like to read through threads to get other perspectives and ideas from other people.
 
West Yorkshire Bi Guy

Hi - my name's Dave I am in an open relationship with a guy, we celebrate 10 years this year. I have had a few casual sexual encounters with women over the last decade but I feel that I need more than just a brief encounter. I am bisexual, my partner understands but I can't seem to meet a woman that will understand that I am in a "Gay" relationship. I am wanting to meet a bi or straight woman for regular meets for fun, friendship and sex. Anyone out there? ( Ok not just anyone, someone that I am compatible with - see my profile) Leeds, UK.
 
Fascinated by the stories I've been reading here of other relationships...the forms they take vary so widely!

Anyway, I'm Seven, in my thirties, female, kinda pansexual I guess, although I identify as straight probably 90% of the time. Not really new to the concept of being poly as I was head over heels for the longest time over a guy who was poly. I was so willing to go there for him. It turned out that he wasn't willing to let me in, so I had to let him go.

These days, I'm actively poly as I'm dating two amazing men and exploring a same sex relationship with an incredible woman...who just happens to be the "primary" of one of my boyfriends, and is in a newish relationship with the other boyfriend. Whee! :D

I am also kinky, agnostic, and nerdy.
 
New to the forum and Poly-lifestyle

Hello to All,

I am a single 21yr old bi-sexual woman living in El Paso, TX, USA. I will soon be a university graduate!

I am currently dating, but haven’t had much luck meeting healthy good partners. I’ve recently decided that I would like to explore a poly lifestyle and I am in search of like minded individuals. Until now I’ve made poor choices in relationships and self-care but I am proud that I have made a change.

It has been 6mths of my self exploration journey and I am thrilled with the new people that have walked into my life, the new projects and new knowledge that I have acquired in such short time.
 
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Hi from me

Hi! I live in Brisbane, Australia. I am very new to the idea of polyamorous relationships. In fact, I really only started reading about it in the last 2 days, and it has been a revelation.

I was married for many years and have a couple of kids. Wife & I separated a couple of years ago. My first love (as a teenager) was “Vixen” and I have never got over her, although we did not contact each other for 25 years in the interim. I was always faithful in my marriage, and kept the “Vixen” part of my heart under lock and key . . . convincing myself that she was just a sweet childhood memory.

In early 2010 I tracked Vixen down and made contact with her again. I couldn’t bear living my life without at least knowing that Vixen was OK. It turns out that Vixen is (mostly) happily married to Michelangelo, and they have a son together.

As it happens . . . Vixen and I have started to share these intense feelings for each other . . . even after all these years. For the last couple of months, we have been emailing and / or calling each other almost every day, and have met a couple of times. We haven’t “done” anything to cheat on our partners but the thoughts are there, and so is the emotional connection. But is it a fantasy? Time will tell.

So Vixen & I are trying to explore these intense and confronting (and not wholly welcome) feelings we have for each other, and getting to know each other again as adults, and doing our best to do so ethically, in view of her love for Michelangelo, who I have not met yet. We haven’t acted on our feelings. Neither of us wants to hurt Michelangelo. The way I see it, if Vixen loves her husband (Michelangelo), then I do too (not sexually . . . I am straight). Neither of us wants to do anything to hurt Michelangelo. At this point, Michelangelo would definitely NOT be able to deal with Vixen’s & my feelings for each other.

I also have a girlfriend, Red, who I have been going out with for a couple of months – about the same time as I made contact with Vixen. I have started having feelings for Red as well as my feelings for Vixen. I don’t want to hurt Red either. Vixen knows everything that’s going on: Red and Michelangelo are still largely in the dark. Red might be a bit more flexible in the poly department than Michelangelo, but I don’t know that for sure.

I have never had a poly relationship but now that I’ve been reading about it, I think this may be worth exploring. Reading some of the posts here has been very comforting, and has given me hope that Vixen, Michelangelo, Red, and I might be able to work something out where we can all be happy together. Maybe not living together, but something!

My learning’s from this site so far: Vixen loves both me and Michelangelo. Once Vixen & I come to terms with exactly how we feel about each other, then we are going to have to explain this to Red and Michelangelo respectively. This will take time and patience and is fraught with risk.

So the options for Vixen & I seem to be:

(a) Walk away from each other and pursue “normal” lives with our Other Significant Others (“OSO” I believe is the terminology!) . . . neither of us feel we can do this and still be true to ourselves. We tried this and were miserable.

(b) Leave our OSO’s and try and have a normal “mono” life together (all these new terms!) . . . neither of us really want to do this – we each have feelings for our OSO’s and there would be other consequences (family law issues, loss of friends and family etc)

(c) Have a secret relationship behind the backs of our OSO’s . . . we don’t want to do this to each other, or to the OSO’s.

(d) Try and be “just friends” . . . this is heartbreaking, but in view of the wisdom from the other posts here, it seems the only rational and ethical thing to do is to keep our feelings in check until / if (e) happens. And perhaps to wait a while and see if those feelings continue.

(e) Eventually . . . come clean with Red & Michelangelo, about our feelings for each other, and try and negotiate something with them in the manner suggested by numerous posts on this site. I can’t believe people have been able to do it, but boy am I relieved they have, as it offers some hope to our breaking hearts. Of course, this would not be the end but the beginning of a whole new paradigm with its own difficulties. But we didn’t choose this . . . it just “is”.

Suggestions / comments / other options would be appreciated.
 
Found Myself

I'm a 28 year old mother to a little prince. His father is not at all in the picture.

I would define myself as heteroflexible. I also have recently found myself as a poly adult as well. I didn't go seeking it, but pretty much fell into a relationship with my friends K & P. My son adores them, and they love him. We took him out recently as a family... and it was amazing.

We don't live in the same household yet though.:(
 
Feeling liberated!

Hi all! :) I'm from Orlando, Florida. You may call me Marz on this forum.
I'm 20 years old and in college studying photography. I live with my boyfriend, J, and we've been going steady for three years. Today I expressed my feelings about Polyamory with him for the first time. He was surprisingly open minded and receptive about the whole thing. We set down boundaries to start with. Everything must be consensual, no unprotected sex, etc, etc. I'm so excited about this. I've always been emotionally and physically attracted to other people but kept my thoughts to myself in fear of hurting J's feelings. After letting him know how I truly feel, I feel liberated. I am no longer living a lie. :D
 
A little about how it is

Hi. Devlin is the name I had chosen back when I was going to be famous. I didn't end up famous, but the name stuck for online use.

From as far back as I can remember, I've always been polyamorous - I just didn't have a name for it until I became an adult and did some research. It took me a very long time to become comfortable not only with being poly, but also with being bisexual. My pendulum swung from women to men and back again. After one disastrous hetero marriage, I became involved with my now "unlegal" wife. (We live in a very anti-gay Red state.) We've been together for 13 years.

We have had many "playmates" and attempted a triad with a woman that was wrong from the start, and short-lived. Years later, through unbelievable circumstances, we had a chance at another one - this time with a man. It was a total life-changing experience for us - for me because I had "sworn off men" before my wife and I got together (I never thought I'd have feelings for another man again) - and for my wife because until he came into our hearts, she was 100% lesbian. It has been almost five years since we fell in love with him. And we still love him. But we cannot have a physical relationship with him for many difficult and complicated reasons. It is very hard for us to deal with that, but we're doing the best we can.

I would like to be able to make some poly friends here - talk about the aspects and share stories. It is very suffocating where we live - very right wing, religious, judgmental. We only know of one other poly couple who live around here. It would be nice to meet others - to feel less alone in the world.
 
About Me

I'm 19, I won't give you my name mostly because I don't like it. You can call my Lady Isobel, or Izzy if I like you enough. I'm young, but I have worldly experience. I'm bisexual, preferring women for the emotional bit and men for the physical. Not saying I don't like both parts with the same person, and I've actually never been with more than one at a time. All though I'm looking for a girl, I'm really picky (read "shallow"), and I recently dealt with a heartbreak from my first love. It was her fault, and I don't talk to or about her anymore.

I have a two year old son, he's the light of my life. I'm still with his father, who was my first as I was his. It's kind of like a fairy tale, because that stuff never happens. We've been together for 3 1/2 years. I would love to have a girl to throw into the mix (as previously mentioned), but if the right girl never comes along I could die happy just the way things are. He's a great guy, 5 months younger than me. We both graduated high school and will be heading to college in a year's time. He works graveyards at the local Walmart, I quit my job two weeks ago. It's killing me being at home all the time, but at least I get to spend all my time with my baby boy.

I write A LOT. I plan to attend college and gain a Masters in English Literature to go on to be a novelist. If you want a peak at my stuff, just let my know. I love showing off my work and getting it critiqued. It is the only aspect in which I take criticism well.

I'm a tad high-strung (HA! Just a tad?). I like things to go my way, and I'm super selfish in everything but my husband and son. I am an arrogant SOB, and I will never deny it. Actually, arrogance is my favorite character trait. You'd know that with one look at my dear Isobel.
 
My name is Proxy, I'm 22 years old and have gone through for me a weird path. I feel that I have been polyamorous since I was eighteen, when I started my first triad relationship with my girlfriend, her boyfriend and myself. I am pansexual, I have found over the years it doesn't matter what a person is but who a person is, is what makes you attracted to them. I don't have much experience in poly quite yet, all the relationships so far that I have found have failed. Usually from someone stabbing me/us in the back, or lack of open and honest communication.

I am currently getting a divorce from my ex husband. After leaving him I found there was no reason for me to try and hide who I really was, and this is me, and I'm coming out of my shell. Over the years I've become a very open, honest and blunt individual from what I once was. As for any career, or school life right now is a halt, I currently have a part time job, and saving money to pay off school fines.

I consider my self a diamond lost in a coal mine. I'm pretty easy going, laid back and very well like I said open. I look around and find women having these problems with their boyfriends, and I usually side with men. I have grown to have more male friends than females, its just the way my life has always worked out. Okay, thats enough about me before I start going on and on, trust me I will.
 
Hi there! I just got linked to this forum by a friend on IRC.

I'm Cayenne, a male-to-female transgender person that is (as of april 21) actually female! I'm 39, and hoping to eventually find the person or people that make my life complete.

I'm a bit of a geek, and probably too smart for my own good. I don't drink, don't smoke, and don't do drugs. I love to cook, talk philosophy, and play tabletop roleplaying games. I'm tired of being by myself.

I have an ex-wife, and a child I'll probably never see again. I'm ex-Mormon, and an atheist. I have an ex-family that is still Mormon. I try not to think about this much.

The future is brighter than the past, and is hopefully full of friends and fun.
 
Intro And New

Hi all I am James heterosexual, open minded guy of 46 who has met his first love after 19 years of separation. She is starting to come out of her shell and is opening up to her being bi-sexual. I am completely open to the situation but not in the whats in it for me kind of way, I searched for ways to agree with her how we can handle the situation best.

She wants me to be a part of it and only when I am there, this complicated things as I needed an engagement baseline to work from, so I started to look into various relationships and build an understanding and after much deliberation decided to venture into Polyamorous agreements and try to understand how this could help us. I drafted my first agreement attempt and I must say I think it is perfect for us to create an agreement that helps us both understand the guidelines without her being fearful of losing me to another woman........

Thats my little intro and look forward to discussing with intelligent and objective people on here..
 
Glad to find this forum! It's nice to be able to find like-minded people.

I'm a 24 year-old, pansexual female who's been in a relationship with my best friend, also a 24 year-old, pansexual female for several years now. We've had ups and downs as we've figured out what type of relationship we want, but have been looking for a male who'd be interested in a polyamory relationship with us (and possible BDSM associations in said relationships, but I won't go into that right now).

Let's see... What to say about me specifically? I'm a very creative person, with hobbies in the fiber arts (knitting, crocheting, etc) as well as an interest in writing. I love to read and like to consider myself an intelligent, sarcastically witty lady.

We'll soon be moving to Kentucky where I'll be pursuing my Master's in Biology. Eventually I hope to pursue a career in teaching Biology on the college level because I love to share my passion of ecology with others. Of course, that means I tend to geek out about Biology in my day to day life, especially about birds, lol. I love being around others who have their own passions to share, having someone share with me/teach me about something they love appeals deeply to me.

I look forward to having new people to have stimulating conversations with. :)
 
Opening up for first time - at 50 y/o

My husband (K) and I have been married for 10 years. We were both married previously for 15 years. My ex-husband (B) cheated with multiple women, and had an affair with one woman for 11 of the 15 years we were married. I cheated on him out of revenge but also closed my eyes to his infidelity due to my self-image issues. (K) had an affair while he was married to his first wife - and I knew about the woman prior to our marraige.
I had been pretty wild in college - having multiple partners, and while I didn't know it at that time, I guess I was "poly" way back then - I had one steady partner who was married to my sister's best friend, and several other partners that he was aware of, but okay with (ironically it was silently understood between us that I had other relationships openly to cover up our clandistine relationship) However, even though I was wild in college, once I married my first husband, I was committed to him - even up to a couple of months prior to our divorce.

During the 5 years I was single between my marraiges, I dated several men and had a committed relationship with one man for almost 2 years. He and I explored alot of things - but although we talked about threesomes, we never acted on it.
Fast forward to my current marraige to (K). I became aware prior to our wedding that (K) had been participating in swinging. He tried introducing me to a couple that he had played with, and it went over my head for several months that they were basically wanting to initiate me into the lifestyle. When it dawned on me what was going on - I explained to (K) that I was not interested in participating and I would not be agreeable to him continuing to play either. :eek: *Caveat here - that conversation was held prior to our marraige - and he never brought it up again* :eek:

Over the course of the first couple of years of our marraige (K) was transitioning from a military career to civilian life - went to school, started working and found himself unemployed for a period of time - Also during that time, my daughter became pregnant and I had major back surgery. So, there was "alot" going on - sex with (K) became non-exsistant - literally. I knew he was searching porn online, but he would deny having any other contact with people from his past life. I tried so many times to "initiate" sex with him - it actually became somewhat of a joke. He claimed that he didn't want to hurt me after my back surgery - so he was afraid to touch me. :(

Well, as you can guess - he got careless and I found evidence that he was continuing to swing. I confronted him in February and gave him the option to come clean, go to counselling with me and to try to fix our marraige - or we would become even more "platonic" - I had NO intention of divorcing him and going backward in station at this point in my life. I have to state - I DO LOVE him - I DO like him - and I DO enjoy being around him.

Last summer (K) and I built our forever home together. We met a wonderful man (M) when we toured the model home - who later became our realtor and now mutual friend. During the time that I discovered the evidence of (K) swinging again - I confided in (M) - he revealed to me that he was interested in me as a person/potential lover.

During our counselling session (K & Mine) - our therapist had us work individually on our emotions - I revealed to her that I had a male friend (M) whom I confided in about my situation with (K) - she chastized me and said I should not involve another man in the equation. However, my feelings for (M) were already too deep as "friends". I was flattered that he desired me - and after 8 1/2 years of celebacy basically - it felt to good to have someone flirt with me.
I finally decided that I had to tell (K) how I felt and asked him to consider open marraige - Now, he has given me his blessing to pursue this open forum with (M).
I'm confused - totally - on one hand I want to jump (M) right now - on the other hand I'm so scared that (K) is only telling me to go ahead so he can have his lifestyle. I have told him honestly that I do not know if I want to "swing" or not - and don't know if I would feel comfortable being with (M) in front of him - :confused: :confused: :confused:
(M) wants to come see me on Friday morning - to see how things go -
????? what do I do ?????
 
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