Hello all. I am pretty new in poly relationships and a bit confused about it.
I am 40 yrs old woman married. I love my husband.
The fact is that last January I met online a man due to professional reasons. We had a very nice connection and I totally fell in love with him. We are into a Daddy/lg long distance relationship, as I live in Europe and he lives in the US. We would like to meet but during this pandemic it is something impossible right now.
K., let's call him so, is not married, in his 50. I know he has a relationship with another married woman there in the US and this is ok to me. We have a good communication, we text each other every day. But... but sometimes this communication breaks down, when he has other women around. I know that he has other connections because I see them in one of the platforms we use. Once I asked him about the others and he told me a half-truth, like "you are the only full time relationship I am into", meaning that he has other non full time relationships ongoing. Which should be totally fine to me. I don't want a life with him, I don't want to leave my family for him and I cannot expect that he just stay there waiting for me or that I am the only one in his life.
If on one hand I accept his other woman, it seems to me that I am not able to accepts the other ones. I get jealous. I get jealous when I see he replies to the others maybe ignoring me for some hours. But am I not doing the same when I focus on my husband instead of reply to him?
I need to change my perspective and stop to see him like I used to see the other men with whom I had in the past a relationship. I know it. But it seems like something that I am not able to do. I should stop to look at which time he has been online, trying to understand with who he was speaking, if she is better or more interesting than me. I should only take the beautiful part of this story. I should think that if I am able to love more than one man at a time, he can do it as well. I should stop to put myself in a competition with the others. But I feel bad. I felt bad for example when he sent to me a song that it was not supposed to be for me, because I think he send the wrong message to me. He sent to me (but was for one of the others) a song that was like "waiting patiently for a sign" and he added "not always patient". I asked him which kind of sign he was waiting for (pretending that the message was for me) and he didn't reply. I felt jealous that he was impatient to have a sign from another woman.
How can I change my point of view to stop suffering?
I am 40 yrs old woman married. I love my husband.
The fact is that last January I met online a man due to professional reasons. We had a very nice connection and I totally fell in love with him. We are into a Daddy/lg long distance relationship, as I live in Europe and he lives in the US. We would like to meet but during this pandemic it is something impossible right now.
K., let's call him so, is not married, in his 50. I know he has a relationship with another married woman there in the US and this is ok to me. We have a good communication, we text each other every day. But... but sometimes this communication breaks down, when he has other women around. I know that he has other connections because I see them in one of the platforms we use. Once I asked him about the others and he told me a half-truth, like "you are the only full time relationship I am into", meaning that he has other non full time relationships ongoing. Which should be totally fine to me. I don't want a life with him, I don't want to leave my family for him and I cannot expect that he just stay there waiting for me or that I am the only one in his life.
If on one hand I accept his other woman, it seems to me that I am not able to accepts the other ones. I get jealous. I get jealous when I see he replies to the others maybe ignoring me for some hours. But am I not doing the same when I focus on my husband instead of reply to him?
I need to change my perspective and stop to see him like I used to see the other men with whom I had in the past a relationship. I know it. But it seems like something that I am not able to do. I should stop to look at which time he has been online, trying to understand with who he was speaking, if she is better or more interesting than me. I should only take the beautiful part of this story. I should think that if I am able to love more than one man at a time, he can do it as well. I should stop to put myself in a competition with the others. But I feel bad. I felt bad for example when he sent to me a song that it was not supposed to be for me, because I think he send the wrong message to me. He sent to me (but was for one of the others) a song that was like "waiting patiently for a sign" and he added "not always patient". I asked him which kind of sign he was waiting for (pretending that the message was for me) and he didn't reply. I felt jealous that he was impatient to have a sign from another woman.
How can I change my point of view to stop suffering?