Hi everyone, I've been lurking for a while but this is my first post. I'm in a situation and really don't have anyone to talk to, so I'm hoping the experienced poly people might be able to share some advice.
I've been with my husband for 5 years, married for one. We've always communicated well, and have a really trusting bond. Before we got married I expressed interest in opening up the relationship. He was hesitant but ultimately said keep him in the loop if any thing came up and we could see where it went. A few months later while on vacation I asked him about it again and his answer hadn't changed. So I was like, awesome! This is going to be great!
Fast forward to a year later I end up developing feelings for a man I see occasionally at work. We hang out, and I tell the guy that I'm interested but need to discuss it with my husband. I talk to my husband and an EPIC meltdown occurs... Tears, he's throwing up, just insanely jealous. This comes as a completed surprise to me, who has been waiting patiently for a decent potential partner to show up. My husband says he was never into it and I should have known that. Long story short, he doesn't want any part of this and this whole situation makes me confront that I don't want just sex outside my marriage but relationships and may actually be poly. After reading "More Than Two", everything (the being in love with two men at 19, the roommate situation where i lived with a man and woman couple and developed feelings for both of them, the serial monogamy) starts to make sense.
Things kept getting worse over the last few weeks. We started arguing about stupid shit and snapping at each other (which we never do). A week ago, I told him I may identify as poly. He didnt seem upset, but there next day he told me he was driving to California to get away for a little while. I asked him if it was because of ther poly thing and he said yes, but promised he would come back. He left and it seemed like things were okay, but he has barely responded to my texts, won't return phone calls and says he's figuring it out.
Im going through a lot of ups and downs. I feel like he won't come back. I'm angry. I just want a chance to figure this out together. I'll admit I'm not the best at talking about my feelings, but how can I even try? And I'll admit this all probably came on a bit quickly, but then again I did give him pretty fair warning that I wanted to explore this side of sexuality.
I sent him a text today saying I respect his space, and will answer his questions honestly. That I love him and care about him. After I got home from work I just laid on the couch and I haven't been able to move. I'm so sad. I was honest, yet I am in so much pain. Do people even really want the truth or do they just say they want the truth?
Is it possible to be poly and be in a monogamous relationship? Does it work out? Should I keep waiting for him to call like a depressed sack of shit? What do I do? All I want is a chance to spread love in the world... Why does it hurt so much?
-Nelly
I've been with my husband for 5 years, married for one. We've always communicated well, and have a really trusting bond. Before we got married I expressed interest in opening up the relationship. He was hesitant but ultimately said keep him in the loop if any thing came up and we could see where it went. A few months later while on vacation I asked him about it again and his answer hadn't changed. So I was like, awesome! This is going to be great!
Fast forward to a year later I end up developing feelings for a man I see occasionally at work. We hang out, and I tell the guy that I'm interested but need to discuss it with my husband. I talk to my husband and an EPIC meltdown occurs... Tears, he's throwing up, just insanely jealous. This comes as a completed surprise to me, who has been waiting patiently for a decent potential partner to show up. My husband says he was never into it and I should have known that. Long story short, he doesn't want any part of this and this whole situation makes me confront that I don't want just sex outside my marriage but relationships and may actually be poly. After reading "More Than Two", everything (the being in love with two men at 19, the roommate situation where i lived with a man and woman couple and developed feelings for both of them, the serial monogamy) starts to make sense.
Things kept getting worse over the last few weeks. We started arguing about stupid shit and snapping at each other (which we never do). A week ago, I told him I may identify as poly. He didnt seem upset, but there next day he told me he was driving to California to get away for a little while. I asked him if it was because of ther poly thing and he said yes, but promised he would come back. He left and it seemed like things were okay, but he has barely responded to my texts, won't return phone calls and says he's figuring it out.
Im going through a lot of ups and downs. I feel like he won't come back. I'm angry. I just want a chance to figure this out together. I'll admit I'm not the best at talking about my feelings, but how can I even try? And I'll admit this all probably came on a bit quickly, but then again I did give him pretty fair warning that I wanted to explore this side of sexuality.
I sent him a text today saying I respect his space, and will answer his questions honestly. That I love him and care about him. After I got home from work I just laid on the couch and I haven't been able to move. I'm so sad. I was honest, yet I am in so much pain. Do people even really want the truth or do they just say they want the truth?
Is it possible to be poly and be in a monogamous relationship? Does it work out? Should I keep waiting for him to call like a depressed sack of shit? What do I do? All I want is a chance to spread love in the world... Why does it hurt so much?
-Nelly
