Poly-Friendly Christians?

I will amend this last post by adding that the link to the UU site (for poly awareness) is now archived and that their original site is closed. However, they do have an active FB group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/122615047774023/
 
Christianity is a patriarchal religion. In Genesis it is laid down that a woman shall NOT desire more than one "husband." This is meant to control women's sexuality, obviously, to preserve a patrilineal line. It's just put in Yahweh's mouth.

Later, in a pericope appended to the book of John, Jesus is made to forgive the woman who has had sex with multiple men.

You pays your money and you takes your choice.
That part of Christianity I call Churchianity. People who usually get their spirituality from an inherited source and perspective and are culturally brainwashed into believing it as "normal". In Genesis it also says Abraham had at least 3 paramori (at the request of Sarah no less), and Jacob had 4 simultaneously...(there are more examples); however how would the parishioners of your church respond to Abraham and/or Jacob showing up with their spice at Sunday service? Patriarchal? The problem is far more parochial than that when they wouldn't be able handle, accept or feel comfortable among the founders of their own Judeo-Christian faith, like.....from what Bible are they reading to possess such a twisted doctrine they live by? If they can't do that, they would certainly look at both you and me as Pharisees would, and Jesus only spoke to those guys in parables. Only Jesus/ Yeshua,....God with us, would "know" the true story here. (Like, who is to say that her husband wasn't a cuckold? Well it could happen. ) What ever was going on here, she was Jewish and would "know" her maker WAS her husband, Isaiah 54: 5, and if a Christian like me sees via John 1 "by whom and through whom all things were made" (IE. the creator, her maker), ( then add to that John 15: 5 and what that implies. Well, that's what I see, and the story I know anyway.) It was here that Yeshua used her accusers stick to confront them with it. ( Spiritual Aikido! I love it; take your opponents weapon and use it against them, and do so nicely no less. Nice.) ( Except for a Catholic version of the story I heard at one time, where out from the back of the pack came a stone; zing splat, killing the woman cold junk. And searching for the person who threw that stone within the crowd, upon finding that person, said, "Sometimes mother, you really piss me off." <g> Have a good day.<g>) (PS. Don't worry. Only Catholics will get the joke.)
 
As a Christian and teacher of the Word, I find myself at odds with polygamy and polyamory. Biblically speaking there is precident of multiple wives. Understanding the reason of why is important. As a previous commenter stated, there is a tradition of patriarchy and we need to remember that the patriarchy of Israel allowed the multiple wives.

One of the "in-between-the-lines" laws of the levirate marriage implies that multiple wives is accepted and allowed. Here, this law states that if a woman's husband dies, she is to remarry the other brother in order that she is protected and cared for, also providing an heir to the dead husband.

As seemingly archaic as this is, today, in actuality, the second brother could very well have been already married. This means that the second brother would have been in a polygamous relationship as a result of the law.

David was given the wives of Saul. Why? Again, to protect and care for them. While the practice wasn't common place, as it would take wealth to marry multiple wives and care for the children, it was a practice.

Even in Jesus' time, the sadducees came to Jesus to trap him in an argument, but used the levirate marriage as their source of entrapment. Jesus did not, as he should have if the law was wrong, refute the law itself, but the understanding of marriage in the post-resurrection world.

Here, I am making an argument about the ability of a man to have multiple wives and yet I do not have more than one. I truly believe that the Bible does NOT forbid this practice. And several pastors skirt the issue or argue the Pauline argument of a leader of the church being married to one wife. However, even then, the argument in the Greek would be the man of his first wife. In other words, a man married to his first wife (not divorced) could also be married to a second wife and this would allow the leader to serve as a leader.

But now it gets sticky and people make the argument of Adam and Eve - one plus one, not one plus two. Here, again, we find that Adam married again, and had more sons with the second wife.

Patriarchal or not, the idea is the same - the care and treatment of the second wife as equal in value and rights as the first. Just be a use she was a second wife does not mean that she should be given second class status.

And here is my belief, although I do not currently practice it because of the law - a man may have multiple wives and it is not a sin. The legality of it in our current system is that it is not allowed and punishable by fines and prison terms. So, we take one step backward into a polyamorous relationship. Those who value a poly relationship and are Christians should consider the equal love and care of the second "wife" as no better or worse than the first.

Here, the Bible does NOT contradict this relationship except that in the eyes of God, the man is married to both women. Human laws can consider the rights and loss of rights based on registered domestic partnerships, marriages, etc, but even if the relationship were held among the three or the blended family (kids) of the three, the fact that the man treats his wives well and equally loving and care is the purpose of the relationship - modeling Christ's love for the church. Because the legal system in many countries sees this as a bad practice and most of those also have laws against polygamy, the response really is that the Church should step up and, if they accept the poly relationship, the Church should not only encourage that the proper care and love and protections of the second "wife" is foremost in the poly relationship, they should also work diligently in the case of difficulty in the relationship.

So, from a Christian perspective, as poly is termed and how we understand the polyamorous relationships, religious legality isn't in the eyes man, but God and God does not forbid such a relationship, but the Church should not ignore or turn their heads against the practice, but should do everything in their power to protect t such fragile relationships and offer counseling to assist.
 
Last edited:
I was brought up Christian, became an atheist as a teenager, but then as an adult, when I was feeling empty, sad, lonely and lost, I felt the Spirit enter my heart and call me back. I went back to church, met the woman of my dreams there, married her there, and was happier than I thought I could ever be.
Then we had a child that required us to sacrifice ourselves to care for her. It ruined our relationship and nearly ended our marriage. Faith was the only thing that let me go on living. I thought maybe this is penance for the debauchery of late teens. I'll serve my penance, I thought, but why must my wife suffer? She doesn't deserve this.
Under the stress, I forgot to be a good husband. I was just the provider. My wife was left alone emotionally. Her friend moved in to support her and help around the house. They supported each other, and it became love. They offered to live as my wives, and me their husband. After much talking and sleepless nights, two months later, I accepted.
I have broken my marriage vows to love only one and forsake all others and I worry what this means for my soul. But I chose happiness. Not lust, but love - love for my wife who loves her friend. I pray for guidance, but I haven't felt it. I know what the word of man says, but I was hoping to feel the True Word in my heart. Perhaps I was tested like Job and I have failed.
We three attend church. There are whispers, but no one has said anything. It is no secret that we all live together, but we are not 'out' that we are intimate.
I still try to live a life of kindness, and giving.
Someday I will be judged by my Creator. I hope that I'm worthy.
 
Hi SquishyHusk,

If there is/are (a) Creator/s, I think he/she/it/they will judge us (if they judge at all) on whether we were kind and considerate towards the people (and animals) in our lives -- and on whether we tried our honest best based on the information we had. Your decision to welcome your wife's friend into your life and marriage was (and is) a kind and considerate decision for both women (and for yourself). It is the best decision you could make based on the information you had/have. All this I guess is a roundabout way of saying that I think you're doing the right thing.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I was brought up Christian, became an atheist as a teenager, but then as an adult, when I was feeling empty, sad, lonely and lost, I felt the Spirit enter my heart and call me back. I went back to church, met the woman of my dreams there, married her there, and was happier than I thought I could ever be.
Then we had a child that required us to sacrifice ourselves to care for her. It ruined our relationship and nearly ended our marriage. Faith was the only thing that let me go on living. I thought maybe this is penance for the debauchery of late teens. I'll serve my penance, I thought, but why must my wife suffer? She doesn't deserve this.
God doesn't punish us for our sins. If we repent, he forgives us. Sure, there is lots of talk about God destroying Jerusalem (with the help of Babylon) for the sin of Israel's and Judah's various political ties with Egypt and other areas. That, to me, was just written by men to try and explain how God could destroy his people, his children. This was 2600 years ago. I do not believe it is relevant to being punished for a little bit of partying as a young dumb teen.

God would not give your beloved daughter handicaps to punish you. Even the Bible evolved over the years from "God will visit the sins of the father on his future descendants." This was denied by later writers.
Under the stress, I forgot to be a good husband. I was just the provider. My wife was left alone emotionally. Her friend moved in to support her and help around the house. They supported each other, and it became love. They offered to live as my wives, and me their husband. After much talking and sleepless nights, two months later, I accepted. I have broken my marriage vows to love only one and forsake all others, and I worry what this means for my soul.
Lucky for you, there are no rules in the Bible against polygyny or lesbianism. The vow you made to be monogamous is irrelevant, and man-made. God never asked for this.
But I chose happiness. Not lust, but love - love for my wife who loves her friend. I pray for guidance, but I haven't felt it. I know what the word of man says, but I was hoping to feel the True Word in my heart. Perhaps I was tested like Job and I have failed.
Try not to be so dramatic. You're fine. If you reread the Bible, the laws on marriage are pretty lax. The words husband and wife actually don't exist in Hebrew. It's all "man," and "woman." There is no word for marriage. If a man and woman decide to cohabitate (for love OR for social connections between families or countries) they have sex and boom, they're one. The man owns the woman once he has sex with her. It's that simple.
We three attend church. There are whispers, but no one has said anything. It is no secret that we all live together, but we are not 'out' that we are intimate.
Good.
I still try to live a life of kindness, and giving.
Excellent.
Someday I will be judged by my Creator. I hope that I'm worthy.
You are. She's fine with you. ;) You've made mistakes, but you're doing your best.

This is the word.
 
Back
Top