Poly-Friendly Christians?

MistressSapiosexual

MistressSapiosexual

New member
I am curious, are there any poly-friendly Christians out there? If so, I have to ask, what have your experiences been if you're "out" about being in a poly relationship to others Christians that you know? And, how have you handled the reactions where many in return say this type of relationship is a sin, not allowed, etc.? As my husband and I have met far too many Christians who are strongly against accepting the bdsm community, poly communities, swinger communities, etc., as they always fall back to the whole "the Bible says it's a sin", and then starts quoting scripture, which most of the time they are misinterpreting. Just curious, as my husband and I are Christian, and beginning to explore this type of relationship and lifestyle, and any tips would be awesome. And to further give you an idea, my husband is Roman Catholic, and I am ordained as non-denominational Christian, but more inter-faith, since I am pursuing chaplaincy, and have been exposed to other religions/spiritualities/cultures since I could crawl. :).. it would just be nice to know some similar minded Christians for once:ROFLMAO::).
 
Raised Christian, but did not go into that faith as an adult.

I am curious, are there any poly-friendly Christians out there?
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I'm sure people are out there, but they aren't gonna advertise.

If so, I have to ask, what have your experiences been if you're "out" about being in a poly relationship to others Christians that you know? And, how have you handled the reactions where many in return say this type of relationship is a sin, not allowed, etc.?
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I started to laugh when I read that. BTDT. But what is there to handle really? It's their baggage, not yours.

DH and I lived together first. My parents were horrified at the time. One of my siblings told me they were worried about me going to hell.

I calmly told sibling "God made me as I am, so it's not a secret to God. (to comfort sibling) As for going to hell? I don't believe in hell, but if I end up there? I'm prepared to take the heat and be responsible for my own actions. (to set a boundary, because it isn't sibling's biz)"

I actually didn't and still don't believe in "God" the way this siblings did back then, but to save time? I used language they know.

Later when my siblings also lived with partners before marriage (INCLUDING the going to hell one) it wasn't a big deal any more. Because nothing doom happened to me.

A lot of is was shaking off whatever THEY were brought up with and not just going on auto-pilot believing "whatever" just because. And me accepting that whoever it is? They are going to be at whatever point in their faith development in that moment.

Sometimes I've just said "Thank you. In this situation, you need not concern yourself for my sake." Which is a nice way to say "Mind your own business."

Or "Thank you. I will take that on board and give it more consideration when I get home." They don't have to know I already considered it and threw it in my mental trash can.

Or I say "Thank you. This topic is not up for discussion. If you keep bringing it up, I have to leave." And then I just count. They bring it up? I leave.

At that point in my life I was the weird one "Doing things you aren't supposed to do." My mother wigged out when I told her I was bi, so I never got around to telling her I was poly. When we got married, a guest told us she was glad we weren't "living in sin" any more. I just said "Thanks" while thinking "We've been doing fine. Didn't know you have been sitting on pins and needles about it. And what kind of thing is that to say at a wedding? Whatever."

At this point in my life? Whenever I do things? My family just goes "Oh, there she goes again. Doing things." but nobody bats an eye any more.

Since you are ordained and seeking chaplaincy you have probably read James Fowler. According to Fowler, a lot of adults stop in Stage 3 -- Synthetic Conventional. And if I'm honest, it's easier to deal with a congregation of Stage 3 people. They don't question things. A stage 4 Individuative Reflective person? They DO questions things.

They are transitioning out of doing things because of the "external authority" saying so -- the parents, the minister, the teachers, the sacred text, etc. They are moving into becoming their own "internal authority. While people may have told them some things to start, they have tried the thing out and find it holds for them. They actively and thoughtfully choose to retain this or that value, belief, idea etc. Other ones? They have discarded because it doesn't hold true for them or work for them.

For some of the stage 3 people, it seems like they are "backsliders" because of the questioning, but really? They are engaging more deeply with their faith and trying to gain a deeper understanding, a personal understanding, a meaningful understanding.

It's not like people walk around with a name tag that says "Hi, I'm Bob, I'm stage X" or something. So if people tell you that you are a sinner for doing whatever?

Just accept that they are reacting. Their reaction belongs to them, and their reaction is couched in their current understanding (or misunderstanding) of whatever faith they happen to be.

Doesn't really have anything to do with you.

Galagirl
 
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Christianity is a patriarchal religion. In Genesis it is laid down that a woman shall NOT desire more than one "husband." This is meant to control women's sexuality, obviously, to preserve a patrilineal line. It's just put in Yahweh's mouth.

Later, in a pericope appended to the book of John, Jesus is made to forgive the woman who has had sex with multiple men.

You pays your money and you takes your choice.
 
Hi MistressSapiosexual,

I can think of at least one poly-friendly Christian that we have, but I can't remember his username. He is trying to get his wife to let him be nonsexual poly, but she is having none of it.

Ah, I found the person I was thinking of. His username is 3908, some of his recent posts are in Poly awareness, about a year later....thoughts and observations.

We probably have other Christian members too, you can do a search for "Christian" or "Christianity," and see what comes up. I used to be Christian, but now I am atheist and I just don't take a lot of stock in what judgmental Christians say.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Catholics here. We are public but not "out" if that makes sense. We attend all functions and family affairs and don't hide anything per say. The topic of interpersonal dynamics, relationships or sex lives never ever has come up. Maybe the possibility of more doesn't occur to anyone or they have enough tact to not ask?
 
Hi Mistresssapiosexual - I haven't been active on this forum lately (mostly due to pandemic related logistic issues), but I did write a "brief essay" on poly friendly churches and posted it here sometime back (I believe that I saw your "like" by it so you are probably familiar with it) Essentially almost all Nicene-based Christians would view poly as theologically incompatible with that belief system - Roman Catholics and Evangelical Fundamentalists especially so. Mainstream liberal Christians in liberal geopolitical areas would likely be more tolerant, but without going so far as to endorse poly - especially at the "official level".

Poly folks who identify as Christian and wish to openly practice poly and be accepted as such by their church, will probably need to consider such "outlier" churches as the MCC, the UU Church, or the Unity (New Thought) Church. Or - perhaps attend a mainstream liberal Christian church and just avoid the subject of poly. :)

Al
 
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MistressSapiosexual said:
I am curious, are there any poly-friendly Christians out there? If so, I have to ask, what have your experiences been if you're "out" about being in a poly relationship to others Christians that you know? And, how have you handled the reactions where many in return say this type of relationship is a sin, not allowed, etc.? As my husband and I have met far too many Christians who are strongly against accepting the bdsm community, poly communities, swinger communities, etc., as they always fall back to the whole "the Bible says it's a sin", and then starts quoting scripture, which most of the time they are misinterpreting. Just curious, as my husband and I are Christian, and beginning to explore this type of relationship and lifestyle, and any tips would be awesome. And to further give you an idea, my husband is Roman Catholic, and I am ordained as non-denominational Christian, but more inter-faith, since I am pursuing chaplaincy, and have been exposed to other religions/spiritualities/cultures since I could crawl. :).. it would just be nice to know some similar minded Christians for once:ROFLMAO::).
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There are lots of out poly Christians discoverable on the internet, and a lot of talk by and about them. I did a big roundup on Polyamory in the News not too long ago: Poly & Christian: A Huge and Diverse Field. [https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2019/10/poly-christian-huge-and-diverse-field.html]
 
Hi, my husband and I are christians (not currently connected to a church, partially due to covid and partially due to rampant conservatism) and we are venturing into poly. It's been interesting to unpack a lot of the toxic monogamous values and separate them from our faith. And I'm sure it'll be even more interesting (read explosive and likely painful) when the time comes to share who we are with the rest of our families. But I don't believe that two are mutually exclusive.
 
You might find the article that I wrote sometime back on poly friendly churches helpful as well.

Poly-friendly Churches

I recently wrote the following in response to a podcast that invited responses from Christian polyamorists. I've touched on this subject in a couple of threads here already, but thought I might as well as share these more complete thoughts here as well. ------------------- While there are...
polyamory.com
 
MistressSapiosexual said:
I am curious, are there any poly-friendly Christians out there? If so, I have to ask, what have your experiences been if you're "out" about being in a poly relationship to others Christians that you know? And, how have you handled the reactions where many in return say this type of relationship is a sin, not allowed, etc.? As my husband and I have met far too many Christians who are strongly against accepting the bdsm community, poly communities, swinger communities, etc., as they always fall back to the whole "the Bible says it's a sin", and then starts quoting scripture, which most of the time they are misinterpreting. Just curious, as my husband and I are Christian, and beginning to explore this type of relationship and lifestyle, and any tips would be awesome. And to further give you an idea, my husband is Roman Catholic, and I am ordained as non-denominational Christian, but more inter-faith, since I am pursuing chaplaincy, and have been exposed to other religions/spiritualities/cultures since I could crawl. :).. it would just be nice to know some similar minded Christians for once:ROFLMAO::).
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It's a great question. I am an ex christian but I know that there was a christian couple that were very popular here in NYC. Its been a few years tho so I am not sure what they are up to. OK Cupid was actually a good place to look for poly and christian but they changed their search algo a long time ago and now it sucks. I met a few christian poly people there but never in real life as they were far away. There are great resources for christians I can give you. Check out this website with great articles

Liberated Christians site

also this book is a must have if you are a christian.
Divine Sex

I tell my Poly story here
 
I think it's great that you have been exposed to other religions and spiritualities and have been able to take something positive away from that. While I don't personally support a poly relationship, I understand that this is my opinion, and others may have different views. I encourage you to visit [link removed by moderator] to find out the opinions of other believers and get a spiritual support. I'm sure there are other poly-friendly Christians out there. I hope you can find a supportive community that accepts your relationship, regardless of whether or not it is seen as "acceptable" in the eyes of the church.
 
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RosesAreRainbow said:
I think gay-trans-etc affirming Christian churches would also be accepting of poly.
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You'd think so. But it seems that is not the case, according to this article. The United Church of Christ seems to be onboard with accepting polyamorists, but the Unitarian Universalists, not so much.

Polyamory in the News: Liberal churches face up to polyamory... or don't

Tracking the coverage of polyamory in the media since 2005, and ongoing news of the poly movement. New stuff frequently. Archive of thousands. No ads.
polyinthemedia.blogspot.com polyinthemedia.blogspot.com
 
Magdlyn said:
You'd think so. But it seems that is not the case, according to this article. The United Church of Christ seems to be onboard with accepting polyamorists, but the Unitarian Universalists, not so much.

Polyamory in the News: Liberal churches face up to polyamory... or don't

Tracking the coverage of polyamory in the media since 2005, and ongoing news of the poly movement. New stuff frequently. Archive of thousands. No ads.
polyinthemedia.blogspot.com polyinthemedia.blogspot.com
Click to expand...
Oh how interesting! Wow! We belong to a church called The Well that does indeed embrace everyone in love. It's a very small church that meets in a school auditorium. They have sermons on-line too. The bigger churches may feel that they can't endorse because of donations. I'm going to read the article now.
https://wellchurch.org/about-us/ (scroll down to see the values)
 
UUs are not inherently Christian, although plenty of Christians attend. There are also pagans, Jews, atheists, Bahai (maybe Muslims, I don't know) and others in UU congregations. That's why it seems odd that the officials in the UU church don't accept poly families as devoutly as they accept people from the LBGTA+ community. Here are the Seven Principles of UU.

  1. 1st Principle: The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
  2. 2nd Principle: Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
  3. 3rd Principle: Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
  4. 4th Principle: A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
  5. 5th Principle: The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
  6. 6th Principle: The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
  7. 7th Principle: Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part...

All this, especially the first 3 principles, sounds well in line with supporting people outside of the monogamist mainstream.

The article I posted above is annoying because it mentions walking into church as a triad or quad. Pfft. Most poly relationships are networks composed of Vs. Triads and quads are extremely rare, at least those that last longer than a few months to 2 years!
 
I did some research on poly-friendly churches a few years back - and posted a brief article here in the spirituality forum. There is a link earlier in this thread.

As to the UU church, I did find that there is a poly contingent in UU - "Universalist Unitarians for Polyamorous Awareness". They have a website here:

The MCC church, more traditionally Christian, and formed expressly to minister to the LGBQT community, expressly states that poly is a legitimate as traditional mono relationships. And the New Thought metaphysical churches, such as Unity, would not object to poly relationships due to their basic belief systems.

During my research, I did find that mainstream churches who may endorse gay marriage and LGBTQ rights - such as the Episcopal Church in the US - still do officially endorse poly relationships. Poly folks would still likely be welcome at mainstream churches, but their poly relationship style would not be endorsed. I found the news about the UCC seeing a need to endorse poly encouraging. Here was their summary:

"The Canadian report [from the UCC] concluded that “affirming the validity of polyamory and welcoming polyamorous people is both a justice issue and a religious duty.”

“Whatever form it takes, ethical polyamory is fundamentally grounded in covenant and in mutual respect among all partners,” Green said. “Ethical polyamory is not the same thing as cheating, it’s not the same thing as promiscuity, it’s not the same thing as authoritarian, patriarchal polygamy. And, obviously, not every polyam relationship lives up to the ideals of ethical polyamory, any more than every monogamous relationship lives up to the ideals of ethical monogamy.

“But every intimate relationship has the potential to bring joy, spiritual growth, and mutual support in daily living.”


(It should be noted the mainstream UCC - United Church of Christ - is very different than the Bible Belt based Church of Christ that is extremely fundamentalist. They make the Southern Baptists look liberal.)
 
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