Poly tiktok


Staff member
OK, I did it out of curiosity. I joined tiktok (for work reasons) but then looked up #polyamory after coming across something else* that made me dare to brave the polyamory search. I fairly quickly realized it was probably a very large contributor to the themes in a lot of the new profiles we have here.

The vast majority of tiktoks I saw were FMF triads in their 20s. There were a lot of very attractive young people cohabiting in very nice apartments. I can't help but wonder if there is a media company behind more than one of the accounts...(Am I that cynical?) Probably the most positive message I saw was the Q&A where people ask, "do you get jealous" with the reply "yes, but we talk about it straight away" - so at least there is advocacy for communication.

I saw positive messages about NOT inserting yourself into the other dyad's sexy times but I also saw some unhealthy messages about basically being a completely enmeshed triad rather than simply an enmeshed couple. Polyfi triads generally seemed to reign supreme.

So, you can have a look at tiktok without having an account. You can download the app (then delete it again) for morbid curiosity sake. If anyone already has tiktok or wants to have a peek, please join in this discussion with your impressions of what you see, or if you are a veteran, what you've discovered and if it goes much deeper than what I've seen so far. For me, it was rather eye opening.

*that "something else" was that I was watching a heap of Māori content and there was a GenX Māori woman (who creates cultural education tiktoks) talking about how before colonisation (200 years ago) that Māori were polygamous and polyandrous both for romantic and political reasons.
I had tiktok for a while (I no longer do) and I never searched the tag #polyamory but I ended up in a lot of sex positive spaces, a lot of lgbtq+ spaces, mental health advocacy spaces, and even saw good communication/mediation tips. So I saw some ENM and poly tiktoks regardless. What you watch and follow colors most of what you are viewing. Because of that, I think it's a good thing. People who aren't just viewing thirst traps will see the good side of poly. More people having some exposure and some information is a good thing! I found a Tristan Taormino book via tiktok this past summer.

Like anything else run by algorithms though, some of the more 'shocking' ones get engagement (there was a "poly" cult-like commune in the South in the US getting a lot of attention) and proliferate. This includes anything with attractive people. I can't speak to whether those accounts are real or produced fabrications though. Could definitely be a media company using poly as clickbait.

Of course, there is definitely misinformation and bad advice on there too, but generally I've seen that it gets corrected in the stitches or in the comments which is good....Overall my experience was positive.

Also I'm new on this forum, but tiktok didn't send me! hahah
#polyam seems to be more everyday oriented tiktok from what I've seen. Normal looking humans in various configurements. Nerdy all guy triad. MFM vee with two burly guys and a tiny woman. FMF vee where guy was ripped and gals were overweight (they did a few about his reaction to people seeming surprised at his "type" - like dating overweight women was more shocking to many than the polyamory aspect). I saw one quad at one point.

Of course tiktok can change overnight so YMMV.
I don't know much about tiktok but what little I've heard suggests that it would not be my cup of tea. As for polyamory, it does not get enough publicity in my opinion, so I am actually in favor of a skewed picture of poly being out there where people can see it. I think we're going to have to put up with more "unicorn triad" hype before the public at large is ready to consider realistic poly. Right now they're just digesting a morsel of specialized exposure to poly, and I don't even think they want to do that much.
That's interesting about the Maori being polygamous and polyandrous pre-colonization.
That's interesting about the Maori being polygamous and polyandrous pre-colonization.
Yes, that intrigues me more than the actual thrust of the post haha. It goes along with my research into pre-patriarchal, non-Abrahamic "uncivilized" cultures.