So I am in a Polyam relationship with a woman. She has another boyfriend while my only partner is her. It's both our first shot at ENM, and we've been together for almost 3 months.
She is struggling with mental health issues and self body image, and wants to take action to work on those, which I'm glad to support her in. However, yesterday she asked of me that either for a year I do not date anybody else, or that we take a break. She explained that just the apprehension of feeling emotions such as jealousy is very draining for her, and that this would harm her attempt at healing, because she needs to put as much energy there as she can and with that apprehension that just wouldn't work.
I love her deeply and I really do want to do my best to help her in her healing, but I just can't help but feel uncomfortable about that agreement. I know she has no intention to overstep or fall into a landslide of control, but I still feel uneasy giving her that power of deciding when I can or cannot date other people, and do have a little light in the back of my head telling me that this is the kind of situation where it can degenerate and where from here she could ask more and more restrictions of me, since the door has already been opened.
The deal is that I'm not even interested in dating other people right now. We're in the heart of a pandemic and we've just recently been officially together, and I want to explore and learn more about my relationship with her. However, I don't know how I'll feel in 6, or even 9 months, and giving her the power of deciding when I can see other people just feels wrong.
To specify, I told her that this was making me uncomfortable, and that if we were to make such an agreement I would a) like to have to possibility to rediscuss it afterwards, rework the agreement and all, and b) that I'd feel more comfortable agreeing for 6 or 9 months. She was categorical in her answer, saying that she needs at least one year since those are big problems and those can't be fixed in months, and that if at any time I can just bring back the conversation to question the agreement, well then it's more or less the same as if there was no agreement but with an extra step. And like fair, I get her point, but then she still has the control over the whole situation and is making no concession.
Am I being selfish? Not wanting to give up something I didn't even really intend to use for a while, even tho it could help the woman I love to get better?
She is struggling with mental health issues and self body image, and wants to take action to work on those, which I'm glad to support her in. However, yesterday she asked of me that either for a year I do not date anybody else, or that we take a break. She explained that just the apprehension of feeling emotions such as jealousy is very draining for her, and that this would harm her attempt at healing, because she needs to put as much energy there as she can and with that apprehension that just wouldn't work.
I love her deeply and I really do want to do my best to help her in her healing, but I just can't help but feel uncomfortable about that agreement. I know she has no intention to overstep or fall into a landslide of control, but I still feel uneasy giving her that power of deciding when I can or cannot date other people, and do have a little light in the back of my head telling me that this is the kind of situation where it can degenerate and where from here she could ask more and more restrictions of me, since the door has already been opened.
The deal is that I'm not even interested in dating other people right now. We're in the heart of a pandemic and we've just recently been officially together, and I want to explore and learn more about my relationship with her. However, I don't know how I'll feel in 6, or even 9 months, and giving her the power of deciding when I can see other people just feels wrong.
To specify, I told her that this was making me uncomfortable, and that if we were to make such an agreement I would a) like to have to possibility to rediscuss it afterwards, rework the agreement and all, and b) that I'd feel more comfortable agreeing for 6 or 9 months. She was categorical in her answer, saying that she needs at least one year since those are big problems and those can't be fixed in months, and that if at any time I can just bring back the conversation to question the agreement, well then it's more or less the same as if there was no agreement but with an extra step. And like fair, I get her point, but then she still has the control over the whole situation and is making no concession.
Am I being selfish? Not wanting to give up something I didn't even really intend to use for a while, even tho it could help the woman I love to get better?