But you’re right. I too would have like to hear some the answers to my questions.
Hi dingedheart,
One thing I wanted to say, but was hesitating to do, because it might derail this thread in a different direction: when you asked ninjin if she reported her date rape, that might have come across as an off-putting judgmental question.
There are so many, many reasons why a woman might not want to report being raped that it's really not a question you should ever ask, especially in a context where the answer can't possibly make any difference to the discussion.
Just for some examples: once, on a second date, I felt unsafe and uncomfortable in a man's apartment. Luckily, he accepted my "no" and let me leave abruptly. It honestly would have been within his power to prevent me leaving if he chose. And if I'd been assaulted, I wouldn't have reported it, because the only "evidence" would have been me eagerly sexting the guy for a week and then driving two hours to his apartment.
Another example: some years ago, my friend was mugged by a stranger (no sexual assault). The policeman who took her statement harassed her and made repeated comments about her breasts. The whole experience was so traumatizing, it took her years to recognize that she was NOT at fault for wearing a low-cut top. And of course she should have made an official complaint about the cop, but she was young and couldn't deal with that, and frankly just wanted to never deal with the cops again. And so, a few years later when she did experience a sexual assault on a date, she did not bother reporting it to the police in the same jurisdiction.
It's definitely very common that when women try to talk about their experiences with sexual assault, they are immediately asked "Well, did you report it?" as if not reporting it means that it didn't really happen or wasn't really assault. Unless the context of the discussion is specifically about reporting assault, and people's experiences with reporting, it's not a question that needs to be asked.
The main thing about date rape is that lack of consent usually can't be proved, and that the survivor might feel like it was their own fault because they chose to go on a date with the person.
I know you are referring to the other questions you asked her, though.