Polyamory and asexuality

I believe the emotion I am experiencing is called anger. Hmm... interesting. Shall I pull out a dictionary to analyze that? Nope, just simple fucking anger. Must be a mono thing, like jealousy and possessiveness. Fuck it. I'll bathe in it for a while, I think.
 
redpepper said:
You posted at the same time as me, love. This word definition thing is near and dear to us, isn't it?
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I must have hit post the same time you did! LOL It wasn't in response to your comment, just so you know. Although I do believe this is more my thing than yours. I can't understand why this bothers me so much, but it makes me irate and just want to forget about the word poly and the forums. Weird, huh? What a trigger!
 
I'm cooling down again. LOL I actually thought of deleting my last couple of posts, but they were from somewhere real, so they are staying.

Peace and love, everyone. Zen, zen...
 
MonoVCPHG said:
I'm cooling down again I actually thought of deleting my last couple of posts, but they were from somewhere real so they are staying.
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Isn't that the way of friends? One of the things I value most is having the freedom to speak my mind, especially with things that come from deep places. And afterwards I am able to reconsider and evaluate and come to a better understanding. So much of that depends on the people that I am with, people that love me.
 
redpepper said:
Is it possible for polyamory to fit a group of people who love each other and don't have sex with each other, or at all with anyone for that matter.... a kind of asexual poly family?
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Since the word polyamory is rooted in the Greek as "many loves" the answer is yes. It is possible.
 
Mark1npt said:
Having many loves implies many lovers, implying not being asexual. Having many friends you love does not.
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I hope you get the little blue pill when you're 70. Otherwise you'll have to leave the club. :p
(Please take this with the humor it was meant, as we've had this debate before.)
 
Fidelia said:
Since the word polyamory is rooted in the Greek as "many loves" the answer is yes. It is possible.
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Nit Pick Warning!

"Multiple" is as good a definition of the Greek "poly" as any, and since the word "many" implies or evokes more than just two..., and because some polyfolk have two loves (or three, but less than "many"), I prefer to define polyamory in terms of multiple loves.

Having MANY "romantic" loves can be dauntingly challenging, and defining polyamory in terms of "many" is probably a bad PR strategy! Folks may find it easier to believe in our capacity to love "several" ... but MANY?!
 
MonoVCPHG said:
I believe the emotion I am experiencing is called anger. Hmm... interesting. Shall I pull out a dictionary to analyze that? Nope. Just simple fucking anger. Must be a mono thing, like jealousy and possessiveness. Fuck it... I'll bathe in it for a while, I think.
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Mono,

If some of your anger was provoked by me, I'm sorry. While your buttons may be so arranged that they are triggered by vocabulary sticklers, mine are so arranged as to be provoked by dictionary indifference or indifference to conventional usage. It is quite another thing from indifference to be creative and playful in word use -- and doing so needn't disregard conventional usages. And I'm happiest in that sort of atmosphere. (See, here I'm using "atmosphere" as a metaphor.)

I hope that you'll be willing to talk with me about it when we are in disagreement, rather than to stew in anger.
 
redpepper said:
What is the difference then between a romantic relationship, an intimate friendship that involves sex?
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Oy, that is a vexing question, isn't it?

I don't think sex is necessary for a romantic attachment. I've had attachments that I thought were highly intimate and romantic, yet without any sex involved.

I've also had friends-with-benefits ties, where the friendship also included intimacy, yet I wouldn't term it a romantic tie.

I can feel the difference. I'm not certain I can describe the difference as yet.

For I have no words and I must speak!
 
MonoVCPHG said:
I can't believe so much of this thread was directed towards debating a word used to conceptualize the difference between friends and the poly concept of close deep friends you want to fuck. Why don't we define the word "love" with the dictionary, as well? I see it thrown around like a cheap shirt all the time in the poly community. Words are used in different ways all the time to achieve individual goals and results. Sometimes they are just lame justifications to produce a higher sense of morality. Not all the time, just some of the time.
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English lacks a vocabulary to express properly the variety of human relations. Odd that such a huge language that has mugged so many other languages for words should come up short when dealing with a topic of such affect.
 
JRiverMartin said:
I hope that you'll be willing to talk with me about it when we are in disagreement, rather than to stew in anger.
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Yes, I definitely can go on a tangent and vent, at times. A lot of this has to do with a major shift in the world I live in and the one I am leaving behind. I'm saying goodbye to a life that was safe and comfortable, and had lots of black and white, while trying to retain who I am, in a lot of ways. Sometimes my frustration is directed in intolerance and confrontational dialogue with other people, both in my old world and my new one.

There are definitely times when I think it would be more positive for me to withdraw completely from forums and discussion groups, and focus completely on my relationship. That might be a path in the future. But for now, I am holding on, while working my way through my "sense of belonging" issues.

Luckily I am quite comfortable being a community of one with a small family and circle of friends.

Thanks for the sobering words.
 
SeventhCrow said:
English lacks a vocabulary to express properly the variety of human relations. Odd that such a huge language that has mugged so many other languages for words should come up short when dealing with a topic of such affect.
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Indeed!
 
MonoVCPHG said:
I just realized that I do feel very alone, in some ways. Good thing I'm comfy in that...
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You are not alone, love. I'm sure others go through the same stuff, otherwise why would we bother writing on here or even read it? No one entirely "fits in." I certainly don't think I do. The joy of it, though, is that we all have a common thread that holds us here, which is to understand.

I, for one, think that when people go off on issues it helps to make me think about my own stance and where my values and morals fit in. There is nothing wrong with that.

I can't believe how far you have come in your own self-discovery, Mono. It is very impressive! If people on here could only see how much self-learning you have done, for real. I am so proud of you and to be with you. I know that you are going through a huge transition. Thanks for letting everyone know, so that we can be supportive and understand what is going on for you.

Many kisses to you, baby.

(I felt like I could hijack my own thread, as I started it. :) )
 
redpepper said:
I know that you are going through a huge transition. Thanks for letting everyone know so that we can be supportive and understand what is going on for you.
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Thanks, Lilo. I should have said something earlier. Other friends of ours have gotten a little of that anger too, as we both know. :eek:
 
Can one be asexual and poly?

If not, I'll leave. Feel free to delete this thread.

It seems that the majority of poly people are interested in a shared sexual relationship with some, if not all, of their lovers. I'm not even sure if I qualify as poly. The idea of having more than one steady is a bit interesting to me. I'm panromantic asexual. Do I even belong here?
 
Why not?

Poly=many
Amory=loves

Nowhere in there does it specify sexual. Just because it's COMMON doesn't mean it HAS to be sexual.
 
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