Pregnant girlfriend. WTF now?

SvartSvensk said:
Magnum size, though, no problems.
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Oh, now you're just boasting. ;) :p

redpepper said:
You're makin' me worry about you ;) I thought your generation knew this stuff.
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I know! I was under the impression that young people are just used to using condoms all the time, since they don't look back like us old people do on the days before AIDS and HIV when sticky, messy sex was the norm.
 
nycindie said:
Oh, now you're just boasting. ;) :p

I know! I was under the impression that young people are just used to using condoms all the time, since they don't look back like us old people do on the days before AIDS and HIV when sticky, messy sex was the norm.
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I find that some of my students are amazingly knowledgeable about this stuff, while others have no clue, or get their info from their peers, and it's often wrong. The interwebs do not make up for the sex ed that still doesn't exist in many many places in the US (and large parts of the world).

One change is that the stigma of teenage pregnancy has diminished some, making this generation less "afraid" (or so I've been told). And for some folks, they just don't care, or the risk-taking is a thrill. Barebacking is becoming more common in the gay community, too.

It's just not cool to put others at risk, even if you're willing to take risks yourself. Get tested, use protection, and if condoms aren't your thing, then be inventive, move away from penetration-fixation.
 
nycindie said:
Oh, now you're just boasting. ;) :p

I know! I was under the impression that young people are just used to using condoms all the time, since they don't look back like us old people do on the days before AIDS and HIV when sticky, messy sex was the norm.
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Sticky, messy sex is still the norm in most erotica, which is a lot of folks' first exposure to sex. Well, mine, anyway. 🤷

ETA: I think for myself, part of the reason I don't have condom usage drilled into my head is the way I was raised. I was homeschooled, so sex ed came from my mom and whatever I could get from Encyclopedia Britannica. I tended to look up things like "reproduction" rather than "chlamydia", so I learned more about sperm-meets-egg=pregnancy than STDs. I was aware of the existence of STDs, but it's always been sort of a peripheral knowledge rather than internalized awareness. That, and the fact that when I was a teen, my life goal was to find a husband and make as many babies as God would give me. This was the values system I was raised with, in my very conservative family. So I never envisioned using condoms. That was something for promiscuous people, who were always "other" people, not me. Now that it's me, I'm having to change the way I think about things, and it's not as easy as it sounds.
 
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Somegeezer said:
Some guys are lucky and it doesn't affect them.
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Condoms definitely have a negative affect on me. I have used them in the past for safety, but never found them to be a very efficient thing for spontaneous sex, or back and forth acts during sex. I like wet sex, simple and plain. I'll agree partially about sex with a condom not being worth it. Casual sex with a condom wouldn't be worth it for me, but sex with a partner I cared about would, and has been, plenty passionate and satisfying. And we're only talking penis protection here. Once you take in the bigger picture of fluids, such as those exchanged through oral sex, then the idea of protection totally kills it. I'd pretty much pick celibacy over a dental dam.
 
I'm with Mono here.

For me, sex with a condom is terribly inconvenient. From breaking it out, to opening it, to putting it on, to removing it, to disposal. It's inconvenient. Plain and simple.

Do I still wear condoms with women other than my wife? Absolutely! I don't want any kind of STDs. None! period!

Now, if I were with a woman for an extended period of time (which is not defined), and they were exclusive with me, and possibly their spouse, then maybe I would forego the condom with them. But I have only come close to being that serious with two women other than my wife. And I was with them for 3 years and 4 years.

Oral and a condom or dental dam? Not a chance. Sorry. Just ain't happening.
 
This just came across my desk today, there is now an antibiotic-resistant form of gonorrhea out there. It's been found more often in people's throats than in their genitals (currently only in Japan, but the world being the global village it is...). Just some food for thought for those of you opposed to protection during oral sex. If you are using a condom to protect you against disease with a partner it might be a good idea to protect yourself orally with the same partner.
 
I have to agree that sex with condoms is not as fun, which is actually one of the reasons I don't have casual sex and one of the reasons I prefer my tribe being in a position right now of no one else coming and going from it. That being said, condoms should be a must. It's just standard knowledge, and stupidity to not follow something that is proven, to me.

This is reminding me that I need to get tested again. Thanks for the reminder. I have an appointment for a blood test on Thursday. I will be asking to add some stuff to that test. :)
 
The thing is, when you're that young, you feel invincible; you feel as if you can take these chances and that the odds are you won't be the one who gets caught. That's how I felt when I was in my teens and early 20's. Then when I started getting cats and later when I became "serious" with my husband, I realized how extremely fortunate I was to have dodged those bullets (and I did once catch gonorrhea when I was 15), and it isn't something worth risking all I have going for me now especially now that I'm starting to enjoy my life again after the death of my mother 10 years ago and my hysterectomy last winter. But I digress. When you're younger you don't really have as much perspective of what you have to lose. If you die, you'll be dead, but what if you have to LIVE with something for a LONG TIME? Just saying...
 
nycindie said:
This is simply unreasonable, with so many diseases and infections you can get and pass on to others. It's bullshit, actually -- you only convinced yourself that you can't keep it up with one on. It's a mindgame, and you can undo that. Maybe you're just not used to it, but if you want to be poly and have multiple partners at some point, you can't go around having bareback sex with everyone. You can use a little lube inside the condom, and on the outside. Practice getting yourself off wearing one. Don't wait until the moment you are entering her to put it on. And condoms come in a variety of shapes and sizes for a variety of penises! Try a bunch of different ones and make note of which fit best.

Also look into Cherry wearing a female condom. They are supposed to be more pleasurable for the guy. It's really stupid to refuse to get used to them -- your health and that of your partners are at risk. No one should be so cavalier about not making an effort.
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SvartSvensk said:
Try some different kinds of condoms. The regular ones suffocate me. I can stay erect for a little while, but nowhere near as long as normal with most condoms. Magnum size, though, no problems.
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redpepper said:
Practice, practice, practice. Go buy some different sizes, ask your friends what they use, go on line and get some info about uoir particular needs. Work it, work with her. I thought your generation knew this stuff!?
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Sorry, I'm a bit far back in this conversation right now.

Of course I know about all that stuff. But the comments about my generation certainly aren't wrong. There really are people that stupid around me.

I have no disease, she has no disease, we have no other partners. It's just me and her. Of course, I would always use a condom with a new partner, or just wait until they were tested. I've used pretty much every kind of condom I can get my hands on. The thinner ones certainly feel slightly better, but it still hinders me useless. I could count on one hand the amount of times I've actually climaxed using a condom. All of those times with my own right hand (to put it bluntly).

The same problem would come with the female ones for Cherry. She said she has used them before and they did nothing for her. She is immune to quite a few contraceptives. And/or they just end up messing her body up. She has been pregnant on both the pill and the implant, the latter of which she has in for about a year and a half. They are a three year contraceptive.

I feel the only option right now would be surgery [which ain't happening], or abortion. I don't like the idea of her going through with the abortion for her own sake. I know if she were to go through with it, she would be very upset, possibly depressed.
 
So hormonal birth control doesn't work for her and condoms don't work for you. There are still a whole host of birth control options out there (other than surgery). Some of the options that immediately spring to mind are an IUD and the diaphragm. If you are both disease-free, either of these would be a good option (and they're both pretty effective at preventing pregnancy too).
 
I used a diaphragm for 20 years. They don't seem very popular now, but they work great. There's the same break in the action as for a condom... stop, get out device, open package, add spermicide, insert. I know some women just put one in every night before bed, just in case sex is gonna happen. My ex and I didn't have sex every night, though, so I'd just put it in when the action was already happening.
 
I didnt have a problem with the spontaneity aspect of the diaphragm; at least women dont need to have an erection to put one on or worry about losing their erection or whether it will interfere with sensation.

But i had to stop using it because it made me get UTI's.
 
Magdlyn said:
I used a diaphragm for 20 years. They don't seem very popular, but they work great. There's the same break in the action as for a condom... stop, get out device, open pkg, add spermacide, insert. I know some women just put one in every night before bed just in case sex is gonna happen. My ex and i didn't have sex every night though, so I'd just put it in when the action was already happening.
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I used a diaphragm before I had my IUDs, and in between, when I wanted a break. They can be put in about six hours in advance. Back when I was young, and used to go out club-hopping, I put one in before going out, just in case I met anyone. ;)
 
Allow me to make another plug for the withdrawal method. I'll admit I've used it before, with a guy I was essentially fluid bonded with and who I knew I could trust to pull out in time, and, well, we never got pregnant! At the very least, if you feel like you've got no other option, it's *got* to be a lot better than nothing. Don't put her or yourself through the sadness and expense of an abortion if you don't need to. And hell, she might even decide to keep the child... that change of heart does happen to some women, even if they think they know for sure that they wouldn't want a child. And then you've got no say any longer, you're a dad like it or not. You may think that couldn't happen with this girl, but two friends of mine went through that exact scenario and it shocked everyone who knew them.
 
Somegeezer: diaphragm, copper IUD, spermicides and non-reproductive sex (outercourse but not to completion, oral sex, manual sex, anal sex, mammary sex, axillary sex, whatever you guys are into).

To reduce your rate of fertility there are methods for guys such as suspensories and external heat. Both basically work by making it too hot for the sperms to be fertile. They need to be used daily, so it can be a pain, but they are effective.

I strongly suggest you read up on everything you can do and try combining several, preferably one on her end and one on yours, for instance, so that it strongly reduces the chances.

I don't know how you can do it. I already get freaked out with my IUD and infertile partner because I feel surgery would be safer. So doing nothing at all? Man, I wouldn't be able to get in the mood, ever.
 
AnnabelMore said:
Don't put her or yourself through the sadness and expense of an abortion if you don't need to. And hell, she might even decide to keep the child. That change of heart does happen to some women, even if they think they know for sure that they wouldn't want a child. And then you've got no say any longer, you're a dad, like it or not.
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SomeGeezer's only 18! I doubt he or his gf want to be parents just yet.
 
19, but close enough.

Yes, Cherry already has a child, too.

I think I'll certainly have a look at spermicide and the heat thing, but I really don't see them being all that effective compared to an actual barrier. Like I said, Cherry has already used pretty much every contraception other than surgery.

As far as actually having a child though, the only problem I feel is that I'm just not ready. I don't feel I've hit that level of maturity to have that responsibility. But if it were to happen, I'm sure Cherry could cope in helping me out. Money is never going to be a problem either.
 
When I was 26, and my daughter had just turned three, I made a bee line for a vasectomy. Now that I think back, it was kind of humorous when we made that decision. My then wife asked me if I felt we should have another child. I said we could, but I wouldn't love it as much. How's that for mono?

If a guy is sure he either doesn't want kids, or anymore kids, I am a huge fan of getting snipped.
 
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