Somegeezer
New member
Same here, but you have to be sure it is what you want. I'm way too young to be thinking about that, though. Other than the fact I do actually want a child one day.
Pregnant girlfriend. WTF now?
- Thread starter TheBlackSwede
- Start date
Same here, but you have to be sure it is what you want. I'm way too young to be thinking about that, though. Other than the fact I do actually want a child one day.
IndieSolo
Active member
SG, in your blog you talk about the fact that Cherry is very jealous and has problems with you having had past relationships. She also doesn't want to face what it means for you to be polyamorous, which is very important to you. Huge relationship issues to cope with. Please don't be so fucking easygoing about bringing another life into this world when your relationship isn't even solid enough for the two of you to stand on.
*thwack* (that's me smacking you upside the head)
Last edited:
Somegeezer
New member
That's my point. We don't want to bring another child into this world. I'm easygoing about life in general. Shouldn't have to stress, just because something is important. Stressing just makes things more difficult and will make you miss a lot of things. Take it easy, lay back and have a good think. I know my best thoughts come up whilst listening to music, playing computer games, or just reading up on something I enjoy. No time for stress in my life.
How did you arrange that? Do you have a trust fund? Your own oil well? You sound pretty sure of this.
Somegeezer
New member
Something along those lines, yes.
IndieSolo
Active member
Well, you know that old story about the Arabic trader who believed that his camel wouldn't run away if he trusted in Allah. So he went to sleep at night trusting in Allah, but in the morning his camel was gone. A friend said to him, "Trust in Allah, but tie your camel."
Tie up your camel, SG!
redpepper
Active member
And get tested!
SvartSvensk, way back before the condom discussion, your situation was developing. I think its like post #22. I've been reading with interest in your sitation.. Did you ever share how this all turned out?
I have to say that with me pursuing other relationships, I am happily snipped. It's part of our agreement for safe sex always, so I'll be using condoms, but even then, I know I won't be a father again. I've had my procedure tested about every three years or so. Definitely shooting blanks!
I have to say that with me pursuing other relationships, I am happily snipped. It's part of our agreement for safe sex always, so I'll be using condoms, but even then, I know I won't be a father again. I've had my procedure tested about every three years or so. Definitely shooting blanks!
transitapparent
New member
SvartSvensk, way back before the condom discussion, your situation was developing. I think its like post #22. Ive been reading with interest in your sitation.... Did you ever share how this all turned out?
I have to say that with me pursuing other relationships, I am happily snipped. Its part of our agreement for safe sex always, so I'll be using condoms, but even then I know I wont be a father again. Ive had my procedure tested about every three years or so. Definately shooting blanks!
I'm also shooting blanks. me and mama decided from the beginning that condoms would be used with anyone outside of our marriage.
sagency
New member
You can add me to the stable of blank shooters. *pew! pew!*
I had an unplanned kid when I was 19 who was given up for adoption. Seventeen years later, K and I had a son together. Her pregnancy was fine up until fully dilated, and then his heart rate crashed, and they did an emergency c-section. K had DIC and nearly bled out. (7.5 units of blood to get her back to stable in the first 24 hours. Three days in ICU with kidney failure, etc. A week in the hospital. So in case you or someone you know is pondering birth outside of a hospital, hit them with a brick.)
We were only planning on the one (K turned 40 a month later, so we were working under a deadline of sorts). Meanwhile, the only other woman I'd consider a child with had just gotten done with a pregnancy that put her on bedrest for six months. (Not my child, but K and I have offered our home if life situations allows her to relocate--we're currently on opposite coasts. I'd raise her daughter as my own in a heartbeat.) So we made the call that I should get snipped rather than poking around inside either of them.
The procedure:
I had what's called a needleless procedure. Basically, a few minor sting to numb you up, and then doc makes a 1/8" incision. He pulls each vas out, snips it, cauterizes it, flips a flap over and sews that, too, and tucks the bits back in. Repeat. Fascinating to watch until you remember that's your nuts he's chopping on.
All in all, the actual procedure took 10 minutes, and the visit from start to finish was a little under an hour. Sore for two days. Tender for two more. Tested after six weeks to verify no swimmers. (And my doctor offers free retests at any time for life.)
I had an unplanned kid when I was 19 who was given up for adoption. Seventeen years later, K and I had a son together. Her pregnancy was fine up until fully dilated, and then his heart rate crashed, and they did an emergency c-section. K had DIC and nearly bled out. (7.5 units of blood to get her back to stable in the first 24 hours. Three days in ICU with kidney failure, etc. A week in the hospital. So in case you or someone you know is pondering birth outside of a hospital, hit them with a brick.)
We were only planning on the one (K turned 40 a month later, so we were working under a deadline of sorts). Meanwhile, the only other woman I'd consider a child with had just gotten done with a pregnancy that put her on bedrest for six months. (Not my child, but K and I have offered our home if life situations allows her to relocate--we're currently on opposite coasts. I'd raise her daughter as my own in a heartbeat.) So we made the call that I should get snipped rather than poking around inside either of them.
The procedure:
I had what's called a needleless procedure. Basically, a few minor sting to numb you up, and then doc makes a 1/8" incision. He pulls each vas out, snips it, cauterizes it, flips a flap over and sews that, too, and tucks the bits back in. Repeat. Fascinating to watch until you remember that's your nuts he's chopping on.
All in all, the actual procedure took 10 minutes, and the visit from start to finish was a little under an hour. Sore for two days. Tender for two more. Tested after six weeks to verify no swimmers. (And my doctor offers free retests at any time for life.)
I've had two planned homebirths after a stupid hospital birth ending in an unnecessary cesarean. Most of my friends have also had homebirths. Guess I'll need to stock up on bricks.
sageac
New member
I've had two planned homebirths after a stupid hospital birth ending in an unnecessary cesarean. Most of my friends have also had homebirths. Guess I'll need to stock up on bricks.
Me too. I had DS1 vaginally with no problems in a birth center, but the expense was a deterrent with my second. We stayed home, alone, and delivered our second one ourselves (and survived with no issues for anyone). I guess that would require two bricks? one for my DH and one for me?
AnnabelMore
Active member
Gonna throw my comment in about home births. My gf has social anxiety and going to the hospital is a nightmare for her for that reason. Being stressed and scared make it harder to have an uncomplicated birth. She chose a home birth and it was very smooth, just 6 hours. The midwife was very experienced and well trained and had stuff like an oxygen tank on hand. I would say it was definitely the right decision for her and her baby.
sagency
New member
While I understand that there are successful homebirths, if there are complications, the results go bad fast. If we were not minutes from an OR with a doctor and team ready (and then an ICU--K's DOC has 10-50% mortality), K would likely be dead and my son would be brain damaged or dead, as well.
I'm glad y'all were okay, but K and I will take unplanned c-section (we were planning as natural as possible) over dead wife, retarded son, and destroyed husband.
I'm glad y'all were okay, but K and I will take unplanned c-section (we were planning as natural as possible) over dead wife, retarded son, and destroyed husband.
transitapparent
New member
Sounds about like my surgery. I had to wear an athletic supporter for two weeks to keep my boys from bouncing around. I wore a cup too, because my kids are insane lol.
Both of my kids were born in a hospital. I liked the hospital in Maine a lot better because it was a "civilian" hospital. They catered more to mama and the boy, very personable. The Navy hospital in Virginia felt more like an assembly line.
I'm sorry for your traumatic hospital birth. In my state midwives won't attend a homebirth unless an ambulance can be at the house in 5 minutes.
sagency
New member
I'm sorry for your traumatic hospital birth. In my state midwives won't attend a homebirth unless an ambulance can be at the house in 5 minutes.
That's understandable. K and I are supportive of trying to make the process as natural as possible. Her actual plan was to be as natural as possible but in a birth center (attached to a hospital) setting.
The issue is simply this: in order to realize there's a problem, realize it's bad enough to admit help is needed, and then get an ambulance, that's a lot of time. If we take only 5 minute for ambulance, 7 for the ride to the hospital (nearby--closer than many others would be), getting in and handing off to staff, you're looking at 15 to 20 minutes. Then the actual procedure starts.
In our case, those 20 minutes were the time it took to walk less than 50 yards. K had reacted badly to the low-key drug, so we relented for an epidural some time before. That saved time numbing her. The doctor moved fast, and our boy was out in less than 15 minutes. Even then, his first APGAR was 2 (bad). The second was 8 (okay). And his oxygen level was 717. 720 is normal, and 700 is guaranteed brain damage. If we didn't make the call to go get him (even in the hospital the doctor gave us the option of pushing or cutting, and K decided he was to big to putz around if his heartrate was under 60), then ambulance and other extra time would have meant added time with his oxygen levels depressed. More time with low oxygen means ever-increasing chance at damage. Let's not even worry about how close to dead K herself was.
In the end, we are glad we handled things as we did. We tried for the most natural options we could (the center is very much a nature-oriented place--it is the Pacific Northwest after all; I think that would have beaten us with flannel and Birkenstocks if K wasn't going to breastfeed) but with the full weight of science and technology immediately available if there was a problem. The downside is so tragic that we couldn't accept any other option, no matter how warm and fluffy the upside.
To be fair though, we have friends who had bad hospital experiences, so I'd have to say that selecting a hospital that is responsive to and supportive of the mother is very important. I wouldn't ever claim that all hospitals would be as good for others as ours was for us. As for the expense involved, it's probably best not to get me started on just how !@#$%ed up our medical system is in the U.S.
You don't need to tell me about the risks and benefits of hospital versus homebirth, sagency. I've been in the alternative parenting/birthing biz for over 25 years, as a La Leche League Leader. I've worked with hundreds of mothers who have had homebirths. Rest assured most homebirth outcomes are equal to, if not better than, hospital births. Bad things can happen in hospitals too. Doctors fuck up all the time.
I am glad your wife and child survived.
I am glad your wife and child survived.
Yes, hospital birth can have many complications, mostly because the doctors tend to do what's most practical for them, not the baby or mom. For instance, giving birth on your back, against gravity. It's best for the mom to pick the position herself, even walking if it's what works for her, and while in some cases the best position might be on the back, it's rarely the case.
Add to that that in the hospital they do a bunch of things that are usually not needed, just in case, but can have complications worse than what they're supposed to prevent.
It wouldn't be wise to give birth away from a place where you can get emergency treatment if needed. But hospitals are for that, emergencies, complications. Not the status quo. The mortality rate is actually higher in the hospital in part because they do needless procedures (for instance C-sections in many cases that don't call for them).
This being said, it's good to pick what the mother is most comfortable with. The environment plays a great part and one needs to feel safe. If that means hospital birth, it means hospital birth. If it means home birth, it means home birth. I wouldn't tell anyone that they're not allowed one of the two.
Add to that that in the hospital they do a bunch of things that are usually not needed, just in case, but can have complications worse than what they're supposed to prevent.
It wouldn't be wise to give birth away from a place where you can get emergency treatment if needed. But hospitals are for that, emergencies, complications. Not the status quo. The mortality rate is actually higher in the hospital in part because they do needless procedures (for instance C-sections in many cases that don't call for them).
This being said, it's good to pick what the mother is most comfortable with. The environment plays a great part and one needs to feel safe. If that means hospital birth, it means hospital birth. If it means home birth, it means home birth. I wouldn't tell anyone that they're not allowed one of the two.