PolyNurse
New member
Hi there!
I am currently involved in what started out as an excellent Quad relationship. My husband (P) and myself (L) have been married for 27 years and we became best friends with (B) & (S) who have been together for 25 years. When we all met (B) & (S) were sleeping in separate bedrooms but had a good relationship. We have known each other since 2014. Neither couple was poly before this….we were all just really bored with our spouses. I decided last year to go to nurse practitioner school full time and needed to quit my nursing job and because my husband is in maintenance and we would have to live on his salary, we decided to move into our travel camper for two years while I completed school. We told our friends about it and they insisted we come and live with them in their 4 bedroom house as roommates. We decided to give the poly lifestyle a try around 2 months in. My husband (P) initiated the relationship and wanted us all to have another sex partner with absolutely no strings attached and stated that from the very beginning.
Unfortunately 9 months later, the following has occurred:
(L) and (S) are both madly in love with each other (we are twin flame soul mates). We are intellectuals with a love for body building, quiet conversations at coffee shops, event planning, shopping, etc. We both sit all day long at a desk so we like to work out in the evenings together (1-2 hours) and then spend the entire day together on Saturday’s, running around until exhausted. He truly is the one I should have been with all along.
(B) wants to be in love with (P), but (P) won’t allow it. (B) and (P) both have very active jobs and basically come home every night and hit the couch. Saturday’s are more resting for them, watching movies, football games and lots of sex.
Now…..
(P) loves (L) because we have been together for so long and has decided that even though he enjoys quiet times with (B) and sex with her (sometimes twice daily), he has become very jealous of (S) & (L) because we have developed a very special mental connection and would rather sit and talk for hours, than have sex. (P) does not like this relationship and says that I can f#ck (S), but I can’t talk to him about deep matters. Wth?
Although they have been married for 25 years, (B) and (S) are basically married roommates and do not have a sexual relationship so their focus is on us.
We all spend evenings together watching TV, Saturday's with our secondaries and Sunday’s together hiking, bowling, house cleaning, etc. We spend every other night with our Primary spouses (sleeping). We do not have any children in the house to complicate things.
At this point (P) has threatened to leave several times and has spent a few nights alone in the camper in an effort to control how emotionally deep we become involved in each others lives…..mainly (L) and (S). We are basically afraid to show each other affection in front of (P) because he holds it against us when we get into petty arguments. He tells everyone in the house that he does not have a problem with our affection and has lots of sex with (B), but likes to “exercise” control over the others. (P) has demanded that I leave the situation and live alone with him, resorting to tears and angry outbursts. He says that he regrets our poly relationship and wishes that we could go back to the old days when it was just him and I. I have told him no on numerous occasions that I am not interested in leaving. (B) and (S) have both told me that they want me to stay in school and live with them if (P) decides to leave. Every time (P) gets mad and threatens to leave because I am getting too close to (S) or (B) gets to close to him, (B) and I both get upset with horrible stomach aches and spend literally days crying. I recently told (P) that if he threatens to leave again, he should have his bag packed and be ready to walk out the door.
The three of us…..(B), (S) & (L) believe that this can all work out and have said from the beginning that (P) is just stubborn and wants control. He shuts down at the drop of a hat and won’t openly communicate with us. The tension is really bad at this point and no one really knows what is going to happen to our union. (P) has said some horrible things to me (he loves me but doesn't like me much), that I don’t even feel like being intimate with him, which is ok with (B) since they have sex a lot and she is not intimate with her husband.
Although my relationship with (P) was tolerable in the past (non affectionate) and based solely on sex, my relationship with (S) completes me in so many ways. I used to think it was NRE but there are too many things that just click with us. We finish each others sentences, we think identically, we like the same things, we text each other at the same exact time, we feel each others pain. We have the same exact autoimmune condition, which I manage (for both of us) homeopathically. I could easily live alone with him but I know that his wife needs him financially and he feels obligated to provide for her. She is very supportive of our relationship and just wants to be taken care of and I want to take care of her. She has no attraction to him at all and we have talked about us all buying a house together after school is finished. She puts no limitations on us. She has no rules for us to follow. We are completely free…..until my husband comes home and then we ALL walk on eggshells.
So at this point in my life, I am thinking that “I am a grown ass woman” and should be able to make my own decisions about whom I love and want to spend my time with. I am resentful of a man who shows me very little attention and then tries to control the affections of a man who I desperately need and want.
Thoughts?
I am currently involved in what started out as an excellent Quad relationship. My husband (P) and myself (L) have been married for 27 years and we became best friends with (B) & (S) who have been together for 25 years. When we all met (B) & (S) were sleeping in separate bedrooms but had a good relationship. We have known each other since 2014. Neither couple was poly before this….we were all just really bored with our spouses. I decided last year to go to nurse practitioner school full time and needed to quit my nursing job and because my husband is in maintenance and we would have to live on his salary, we decided to move into our travel camper for two years while I completed school. We told our friends about it and they insisted we come and live with them in their 4 bedroom house as roommates. We decided to give the poly lifestyle a try around 2 months in. My husband (P) initiated the relationship and wanted us all to have another sex partner with absolutely no strings attached and stated that from the very beginning.
Unfortunately 9 months later, the following has occurred:
(L) and (S) are both madly in love with each other (we are twin flame soul mates). We are intellectuals with a love for body building, quiet conversations at coffee shops, event planning, shopping, etc. We both sit all day long at a desk so we like to work out in the evenings together (1-2 hours) and then spend the entire day together on Saturday’s, running around until exhausted. He truly is the one I should have been with all along.
(B) wants to be in love with (P), but (P) won’t allow it. (B) and (P) both have very active jobs and basically come home every night and hit the couch. Saturday’s are more resting for them, watching movies, football games and lots of sex.
Now…..
(P) loves (L) because we have been together for so long and has decided that even though he enjoys quiet times with (B) and sex with her (sometimes twice daily), he has become very jealous of (S) & (L) because we have developed a very special mental connection and would rather sit and talk for hours, than have sex. (P) does not like this relationship and says that I can f#ck (S), but I can’t talk to him about deep matters. Wth?
Although they have been married for 25 years, (B) and (S) are basically married roommates and do not have a sexual relationship so their focus is on us.
We all spend evenings together watching TV, Saturday's with our secondaries and Sunday’s together hiking, bowling, house cleaning, etc. We spend every other night with our Primary spouses (sleeping). We do not have any children in the house to complicate things.
At this point (P) has threatened to leave several times and has spent a few nights alone in the camper in an effort to control how emotionally deep we become involved in each others lives…..mainly (L) and (S). We are basically afraid to show each other affection in front of (P) because he holds it against us when we get into petty arguments. He tells everyone in the house that he does not have a problem with our affection and has lots of sex with (B), but likes to “exercise” control over the others. (P) has demanded that I leave the situation and live alone with him, resorting to tears and angry outbursts. He says that he regrets our poly relationship and wishes that we could go back to the old days when it was just him and I. I have told him no on numerous occasions that I am not interested in leaving. (B) and (S) have both told me that they want me to stay in school and live with them if (P) decides to leave. Every time (P) gets mad and threatens to leave because I am getting too close to (S) or (B) gets to close to him, (B) and I both get upset with horrible stomach aches and spend literally days crying. I recently told (P) that if he threatens to leave again, he should have his bag packed and be ready to walk out the door.
The three of us…..(B), (S) & (L) believe that this can all work out and have said from the beginning that (P) is just stubborn and wants control. He shuts down at the drop of a hat and won’t openly communicate with us. The tension is really bad at this point and no one really knows what is going to happen to our union. (P) has said some horrible things to me (he loves me but doesn't like me much), that I don’t even feel like being intimate with him, which is ok with (B) since they have sex a lot and she is not intimate with her husband.
Although my relationship with (P) was tolerable in the past (non affectionate) and based solely on sex, my relationship with (S) completes me in so many ways. I used to think it was NRE but there are too many things that just click with us. We finish each others sentences, we think identically, we like the same things, we text each other at the same exact time, we feel each others pain. We have the same exact autoimmune condition, which I manage (for both of us) homeopathically. I could easily live alone with him but I know that his wife needs him financially and he feels obligated to provide for her. She is very supportive of our relationship and just wants to be taken care of and I want to take care of her. She has no attraction to him at all and we have talked about us all buying a house together after school is finished. She puts no limitations on us. She has no rules for us to follow. We are completely free…..until my husband comes home and then we ALL walk on eggshells.
So at this point in my life, I am thinking that “I am a grown ass woman” and should be able to make my own decisions about whom I love and want to spend my time with. I am resentful of a man who shows me very little attention and then tries to control the affections of a man who I desperately need and want.
Thoughts?
