I am in a relationship with D. He is a nice guy and he is my first poly relationship. I am a secondary in the relationship. His wife is primary and she has a bf that is her secondary.
Anyway, things are going okay. We are getting along, having fun, have things enough in common to make our time together very enjoyable. Both in and out of bed.
There is one hitch. Okay. Two.
One is his not communicating - text, calls, emails. It is like pulling teeth to get him to respond to me. I mentioned this about a month ago and it got better for a week or so. We are both on goggle chat and can chat a little at work. Even that little bit cheers me up.
I have mentioned this to a couple friends and they just said "oh that's the way guys are".
Not sure how to solve this one.
So the bigger hitch is availability and how I get wind of it.
In the middle of August D, his wife and I all sat down at the table after dinner and discussed various aspects. I felt good about this because of some of the thoughts that you all had helped me with. We also went thru the calendar and reviewed what days/weekend they were busy and which ones I was and figured out dates that way.
Now it has all gone for naught. He started a new job and needed to devote time to that. Had training classes and such. Okay. so we skipped a week and then the next week made up for it by having our first ever overnighter. Actually two nights. It was a great weekend and got the NRE revved up.
Then. Well. Then we were to get together and he got sick. Couldn't make it that night (thursday) and then they went away for the weekend and now I am looking at another quiet week and will see him on Saturday - which again is when he is "available" as he puts it. Saturday will be another overnight visit, but he will have to leave by noon to meet his wife to go fabric shopping for a costume they are making.
I am feeling a bit, well, I guess put out. Maybe I really don't get what being a secondary is all about. Maybe he is looking for more like a FWB or such. And wants to call it gf or secondary. I am also not looking to move in with them, or mess up their marriage or become his primary. No.
I am thinking that any dates he has with me has to be approved by wife. When she is on a date with her boyfriend, or is out doing something else, then it's okay. Well, that's not what I really signed on for. And I don't know for certain that it is that way, but it seems like it.
The thing is, I really enjoy his company when we are together. And all the stuff above aside, I don't want to risk messing up our relationship - at least not till I can give it time to work bumps out.
I gchatted with him briefly on tuesday and told him I wanted to talk a bit to 'process' some concerns. I want to hash out some time scheduling. Back when we first talked about it at the table, the wife pulled out her schedule book and gave information for the few weeks but then went on to say that her time changes and she can't plan more than a few days ahead.
I am actually wondering if maybe I need to find another person that could help fill a need that D is not -but I am not sure exactly what that is, other than a little more attention.
Anyway, things are going okay. We are getting along, having fun, have things enough in common to make our time together very enjoyable. Both in and out of bed.
There is one hitch. Okay. Two.
One is his not communicating - text, calls, emails. It is like pulling teeth to get him to respond to me. I mentioned this about a month ago and it got better for a week or so. We are both on goggle chat and can chat a little at work. Even that little bit cheers me up.
I have mentioned this to a couple friends and they just said "oh that's the way guys are".
Not sure how to solve this one.
So the bigger hitch is availability and how I get wind of it.
In the middle of August D, his wife and I all sat down at the table after dinner and discussed various aspects. I felt good about this because of some of the thoughts that you all had helped me with. We also went thru the calendar and reviewed what days/weekend they were busy and which ones I was and figured out dates that way.
Now it has all gone for naught. He started a new job and needed to devote time to that. Had training classes and such. Okay. so we skipped a week and then the next week made up for it by having our first ever overnighter. Actually two nights. It was a great weekend and got the NRE revved up.
Then. Well. Then we were to get together and he got sick. Couldn't make it that night (thursday) and then they went away for the weekend and now I am looking at another quiet week and will see him on Saturday - which again is when he is "available" as he puts it. Saturday will be another overnight visit, but he will have to leave by noon to meet his wife to go fabric shopping for a costume they are making.
I am feeling a bit, well, I guess put out. Maybe I really don't get what being a secondary is all about. Maybe he is looking for more like a FWB or such. And wants to call it gf or secondary. I am also not looking to move in with them, or mess up their marriage or become his primary. No.
I am thinking that any dates he has with me has to be approved by wife. When she is on a date with her boyfriend, or is out doing something else, then it's okay. Well, that's not what I really signed on for. And I don't know for certain that it is that way, but it seems like it.
The thing is, I really enjoy his company when we are together. And all the stuff above aside, I don't want to risk messing up our relationship - at least not till I can give it time to work bumps out.
I gchatted with him briefly on tuesday and told him I wanted to talk a bit to 'process' some concerns. I want to hash out some time scheduling. Back when we first talked about it at the table, the wife pulled out her schedule book and gave information for the few weeks but then went on to say that her time changes and she can't plan more than a few days ahead.
I am actually wondering if maybe I need to find another person that could help fill a need that D is not -but I am not sure exactly what that is, other than a little more attention.