Solo Poly Mid TN

Lala29

New member
My wife and I have been married for almost five years. I came out to her as poly a year ago. She is monogamous. It's not been easy, but she has come to terms with it, and our relationship is stronger than ever, now. I do find that I don't really fit into the traditional "poly" box. I'm not vanilla, but I'm not into master/slave/leather/blood play sex. Never watched a second of Harry Potter. Not into LARPing or anime. Nothing wrong with it, just not my thing. I am demisexual, and only looking for like-minded female friends at the moment. Like-minded would be another woman that is in the middle TN area, already married (preferably to a man), is mindful of their health and is physically active, likes traveling, has an amazing sense of adventure, likes being outside, and can respect my marriage and my relationship boundaries, should the friendship ever progress into something more. Not looking to swing. Not into men. Only interested in friendship with the possibility of a solo poly relationship down the road if we vibe like that, but even if we don't, I'm one of those amazing ride or die kinda friends that everyone should have, and I love my people fiercely. If you fit this description, please don't hesitate to say hello!
 
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Greetings Lala29,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I'm glad you were able to work things out with your wife, and now you are looking for the right poly match for you. Such a woman might take some time to find, but if you are patient, she will eventually come into your life. In the meantime, if you have any thoughts or questions for us, please don't hesitate to share. I'm glad you are with us!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Greetings Lala29,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I'm glad you were able to work things out with your wife, and now you are looking for the right poly match for you. Such a woman might take some time to find, but if you are patient, she will eventually come into your life. In the meantime, if you have any thoughts or questions for us, please don't hesitate to share. I'm glad you are with us!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Thank you for the warm greeting! I know what I'm looking for is a unicorn (Not that kind of unicorn. Lol.) I'm in no rush, but it would be so amazing to find. Thanks again for the kind words!
 
No problem; I wish you the best in your search.
 
My wife and I have been married for almost five years. I came out to her as poly a year ago. She is monogamous. It's not been easy, but she has come to terms with it, and our relationship is stronger than ever, now. I do find that I don't really fit into the traditional "poly" box. I'm not vanilla, but I'm not into master/slave/leather/blood play sex. Never watched a second of Harry Potter. Not into LARPing or anime. Nothing wrong with it, just not my thing. I am demisexual, and only looking for like-minded female friends at the moment. Like-minded would be another woman that is in the middle TN area, already married (preferably to a man), is mindful of their health and is physically active, likes traveling, has an amazing sense of adventure, likes being outside, and can respect my marriage and my relationship boundaries, should the friendship ever progress into something more. Not looking to swing. Not into men. Only interested in friendship with the possibility of a solo poly relationship down the road if we vibe like that, but even if we don't, I'm one of those amazing ride or die kinda friends that everyone should have, and I love my people fiercely. If you fit this description, please don't hesitate to say hello!
I don't think there is a "traditional poly box." We come from all walks of life, we all have different hobbies. Maybe we're a bit rebellious, since we go against the grain of hetero-mono-normativity, but otherwise, poly is just a lovestyle, not a lifestyle. Saying there is some kind of poly norm is like saying there is some kind of gay norm, or even agenda. We're all different! Some gays are sporty and some are into fashion and tea parties lol
 
Welcome to the forum, and good luck in your search!

I am curious how you define "solo poly" for yourself?

Also curious, why do you have a preference for your ideal female friend to be married to a man? You're a woman, right?

Not trying to be judgmental, just feel like I'm missing some info or not quite getting what you mean.
 
Hello! Thanks for the questions. I define solo poly as a one on one relationship framework. I don't want to bring my spouse into another relationship with me, nor am I interested in dating someone AND their spouse. Yes, I am a woman. As far as why I prefer to date a woman married to a man... I don't know that I fully understand that myself, honestly. However, the last two women I've been interested in had husbands, and I definitely do feel more comfortable in that dynamic for some reason. It's something I'm still trying to understand. Sorry I can't answer that more definitively.
 
.. As far as why I prefer to date a woman married to a man... I don't know that I fully understand that myself, honestly. However, the last two women I've been interested in had husbands, and I definitely do feel more comfortable in that dynamic for some reason. It's something I'm still trying to understand. Sorry I can't answer that more definitively.

I think that I may understand some pieces of this.

My Ex-Dude would say that he only wanted to date Happily Married Women. They already knew how to be in a relationship and it seemed less likely they would want to ride the relationship escalator further than he wanted to go.

Since you know that you want to date one-on-one it may feel safer to have a metamour that you are less likely to be attracted to (a man), thus removing a potential complicating factor from the start.

Some men feel more comfortable with their female partners dating a woman than dating another man. They may find this less threatening and less of a "competition". (Not saying this is logical, just that it is a common enough sentiment that it comes up fairly commonly in bi-female conversations.)

Just some thoughts.
 
Thanks for clarifying! Just want to say, regarding "solo poly," I don't think you're using the term the way most poly people understand it.

Solo poly means someone who is deliberately choosing to be poly without having a primary partner, live-in/nesting partner, or marriage partner. Deliberately creating a life where you are free to have multiple relationships without any of them being hierarchical, without merging finances, without living with someone. Where autonomy, independence, freedom are the main values you pursue and the main reasons for seeking to be poly in the first place.

It's kind of a minority within poly circles (which I know because I'm solo poly). A lot of poly people do not resonate with solo poly ideals. In my opinion, it's a very specific sub-type of poly for people who are very specific about remaining more autonomous than most people in romantic relationships.

You sound like you are just regular poly! Despite popular misperceptions, polyamory is not just dating couples. Yes, you will encounter a lot of couples looking to date "together" or "add a third." It is perfectly reasonable to not want to do that, but to still be poly. It makes sense to clarify in your dating profile, etc, that you date individually / separately from your wife and are not looking for couples.

But I think you will be creating a lot of confusing by using the term "solo poly" when that's not what you mean.
 
Thanks for clarifying! Just want to say, regarding "solo poly," I don't think you're using the term the way most poly people understand it.

Solo poly means someone who is deliberately choosing to be poly without having a primary partner, live-in/nesting partner, or marriage partner. Deliberately creating a life where you are free to have multiple relationships without any of them being hierarchical, without merging finances, without living with someone. Where autonomy, independence, freedom are the main values you pursue and the main reasons for seeking to be poly in the first place.

It's kind of a minority within poly circles (which I know because I'm solo poly). A lot of poly people do not resonate with solo poly ideals. In my opinion, it's a very specific sub-type of poly for people who are very specific about remaining more autonomous than most people in romantic relationships.

You sound like you are just regular poly! Despite popular misperceptions, polyamory is not just dating couples. Yes, you will encounter a lot of couples looking to date "together" or "add a third." It is perfectly reasonable to not want to do that, but to still be poly. It makes sense to clarify in your dating profile, etc, that you date individually / separately from your wife and are not looking for couples.

But I think you will be creating a lot of confusing by using the term "solo poly" when that's not what you mean.
Thank you for the clarification! I will update my intro.
 
I think that I may understand some pieces of this.

My Ex-Dude would say that he only wanted to date Happily Married Women. They already knew how to be in a relationship and it seemed less likely they would want to ride the relationship escalator further than he wanted to go.

Since you know that you want to date one-on-one it may feel safer to have a metamour that you are less likely to be attracted to (a man), thus removing a potential complicating factor from the start.

Some men feel more comfortable with their female partners dating a woman than dating another man. They may find this less threatening and less of a "competition". (Not saying this is logical, just that it is a common enough sentiment that it comes up fairly commonly in bi-female conversations.)

Just some thoughts.
This all makes perfect sense! You may be exactly right!
 
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