Just for the record, when Mono posted last on here it was after a phone call to me. I told him that in my opinion there was really no point in continuing to chat about what people think he said. We have things to take care of in our real lives... could you concentrate on that please.... he agreed with me and we went on to deal with other issues in real life.
It's all so verbal on here. Really, where there is no body language and context to a persons real life, no one fully knows for certain the nature in which someone says something.
Mono was simply saying he was off now as he found that he couldn't get into anything right now and was unable to go on for post after post at the moment. It was more of a, "okay then, well, that's it for me.... talk to you later..." thing, rather than... a "I have a hidden agenda to be passive aggressive towards anyone who disagrees with me."
We all have other issues in real life. However, when I post something on this forum that has bothered or offended someone and they make that known to me, I at least extend that person the courtesy of engaging that issue with the person. It may be just to defend that point, but I will never dismiss their issue and/or accuse them of "creating negativity" for having problems with what I've said. Mono has often dismissed such issues in that very way, which is why it was easy to assume that he was doing the very same thing in the post in question. I often see that courtesy demanded but not extended. Everyone's free to respond or not respond however they like. And I'm free to have my opinion of that.
I really think it comes down to the fact that I need people to have an open mind about others on here and realizing they are on a path to self discovery. Also that we don't all have time or energy to wade through other peoples emotional stuff. We all have lives and are all finding where we fit in the world...
Yep. Yet when a persons hard earned point of view and experience challenges or clashes with the popular opinion, my experience has been that that person gets accused of creating too much friction and discussions quickly degenerate. And that person is often viewed as the reason for the degeneration. (at least that's been my own personal experience)
Really, the only thing Joreth got points for- (not banned, first time she ever got points) is for saying "fuck you". That happened to fall under a category. It was not written for this instance. We have no "you said fuck you" category. It falls under unnecessary hostile behavior.
Joreth never made any claim of being banned. She did speak of her post being blocked. In the letter addressed to her from ImaginaryIllusion, the following was stated:
You have been warned in the past for similar behavior.
As such, I am issuing a 6-pt Infraction for Flaming & Creating a Hostile Atmosphere.
This is half the allowable amount for infraction points, and will result in the staff asking you to leave the board if this occurs again.
This infraction is also a warning that is not limited to direct cases of flaming, but also other behaviors such as running roughshod over other discussions or argumentum ad nauseam.
That last bit I bolded is quite a bit more vague than the reason her post was actually moderated and suggests an issue of style more than anything else. Especially since she was responding to the same things being brought up over and over in that particular thread. And it's fair enough that her post was moderated for hostile language, however, it might have been a bit more of a balanced approach if the repeated insult that she was responding to was at least acknowledged. I don't know and I don't presume to tell anyone how to moderate. I'm just giving my perspective in that case.
That being said, a group of people from all over the world who have volunteered to spend time on this forum making it a safe place for everyone talked at length about the situation and made a judgement call in light of the forum rules. Also synchronized our schedules for an international conference call to further discuss this and other issues.
That's fantastic that you choose to do that...but it is indeed your choice. I've moderated on other forums and it's a thankless job most of the time. But the fact that I did it didn't lend me any more moral weight because it was my choice to do so.
We moderate for identifiable content that violates forum rules. Passive-aggressiveness and oppression can not be clearly identified as we all know that text leaves much to the imagination, and you can read it over and over and form almost any opinion of intent.
Which is why I've repeatedly stated that this is a culture issue, not a moderator issue.
I'm offended now, personally, because I have been personally attacked- for real now-there are only just us specific people that everyone is aware of-as one of the moderators. But I am not going to cut out posts because of it. I'm offended because I feel like this is what some are implying about all of the time we take and work we do to make this forum a special place, which I believe it is, unlike LJ, FB, bleh.
In making this forum a "special place" it has become an unwelcome place for many people. I'm sorry you feel personally offended by the issues brought up, though I'm not sure what you think people are implying about moderators here.
The suggestion that the moderators here (myself, rarechild, redpepper, and Imaginary Illusion) are a bunch of dictators who go around bullying the weak and "squelching" those who dare to disagree with us or our "clique" on the issues that are being discussed/argued is patently untrue.
Suggesting that there is an unclear standard and that
the community tends to apply double standards based on what's popular and what isn't even close to the same as suggesting that moderators are a bunch of dictators on some power trip. If that's what you're reading from what's been discussed on this thread then it's clear that the point is going to be lost.
Now personally, I kind of assumed it was to help each other out, share success and failure stories that can be enlightening, and to have that all serve as a resource for new folks who are just discovering polyamory and trying to get some feel for what it might be like in practice rather than theory.
For that reason I feel it's important to stay away from personal conflict, ideologies, agendas etc, ESPECIALLY in a thread that is started with a particular topic.
It really has little value in most cases, is distracting, discouraging (especially to new members or visitors).
If a person is going to insert personal conflict into what someone writes, they're just going to. There is a difference between holding someone accountable and personal conflict. When things are written here that contain inaccurate assumptions about an identity I share or claim, I will most definitely call that out. I usually make it a point to point out (and as Joreth also pointed out) that the offense may not have been intended, but it is there nonetheless. The atmosphere of this forum makes that a difficult thing to do indeed.
Somehow I just can't get my head around how allowing a Jerry Springer flavor to the whole board benefits it (the board) or anyone stopping by.
But maybe that's the "culture". All about entertainment value.
What is your entertainment is someone else's hard-earned experience. The Jerry Springer atmosphere tends to come from lack of respect for that and a tendency to take things people write here WAAAY too personally (which tends to be where discussions degenerate into a "he said she said" game)
But if that's the course it takes I will expect the board to lose relevancy and soon disappear. And that to me is sad.
This board has already lost relevancy to a lot of people because of this constant pattern.
I'm really to the point of pondering the relevancy it has for me.