Hi everyone,
I have been around this forum for some time now, and I figure people are really helpful, and I would use few tips now.
Thing is, I am really inexperienced when it comes to early dating or just having a crush on someone, I have had three partners throughout my life and in each case they picked me rather than me picking them.
So, in autumn me and Idealist were attending regular tantra evenings. There I met this man (I'll call him Joker for the purpose of this post) I am kind of attracted to. He is somewhat older then me, like 10-15 years, I don't know. As these evening contain various forms of intimacy, from talking to erotic touch (going as far as all people involved are comfortable with), we have been close on several occasions, two of them I would even call short bdsm-sessions. At some point we exchanged contact info and connected on facebook, and chatted a bit.
I finished school on Fryday and Joker is asking me out for diner to "celebrate", and I accepted. I think this might be a date, although I am really not sure what goes on in his mind. Maybe he is just as unsure about me, after all he knows about Idealist, and he knows that we are open, and he probably has no experience with polyamory
I am kind of unsure about my own thoughts and intentions with Joker. In the big picture, I am looking for a primary partner. (Idealist lives with Meta and it is hardly possible to get more entwined there, although we are pretty close.) In the mid-scale I might be leaving for phd abroad in summer, so then I might be leaving all this behind. In the small scale, I really am intrigued to get to know Joker better, he is an interesting man, and I am physically attracted to him. I am afraid I might be on the verge of falling in love though, and I am not sure I want that. Last time I fell into NRE (with Idealist) it was kind of an unstoppable emotional force, and it seems to have lasted nearly two years, so I might want to choose wisely early on. Large part of what concerns me is the age difference. I think I would like to find a lifelong relationship if possible, and I figured I would like someone closer to my age for that. Or... should I just let relationships take whatever path they wish?
I know I cannot discern a crush from something with a potential to become more serious. I guess I am over stressing here. I fear that if I don't resolve the conflict, I will just get dragged along into other peoples ideas about life. Any tips on how to get more clarity?
I have been around this forum for some time now, and I figure people are really helpful, and I would use few tips now.
Thing is, I am really inexperienced when it comes to early dating or just having a crush on someone, I have had three partners throughout my life and in each case they picked me rather than me picking them.
So, in autumn me and Idealist were attending regular tantra evenings. There I met this man (I'll call him Joker for the purpose of this post) I am kind of attracted to. He is somewhat older then me, like 10-15 years, I don't know. As these evening contain various forms of intimacy, from talking to erotic touch (going as far as all people involved are comfortable with), we have been close on several occasions, two of them I would even call short bdsm-sessions. At some point we exchanged contact info and connected on facebook, and chatted a bit.
I finished school on Fryday and Joker is asking me out for diner to "celebrate", and I accepted. I think this might be a date, although I am really not sure what goes on in his mind. Maybe he is just as unsure about me, after all he knows about Idealist, and he knows that we are open, and he probably has no experience with polyamory
I am kind of unsure about my own thoughts and intentions with Joker. In the big picture, I am looking for a primary partner. (Idealist lives with Meta and it is hardly possible to get more entwined there, although we are pretty close.) In the mid-scale I might be leaving for phd abroad in summer, so then I might be leaving all this behind. In the small scale, I really am intrigued to get to know Joker better, he is an interesting man, and I am physically attracted to him. I am afraid I might be on the verge of falling in love though, and I am not sure I want that. Last time I fell into NRE (with Idealist) it was kind of an unstoppable emotional force, and it seems to have lasted nearly two years, so I might want to choose wisely early on. Large part of what concerns me is the age difference. I think I would like to find a lifelong relationship if possible, and I figured I would like someone closer to my age for that. Or... should I just let relationships take whatever path they wish?
I know I cannot discern a crush from something with a potential to become more serious. I guess I am over stressing here. I fear that if I don't resolve the conflict, I will just get dragged along into other peoples ideas about life. Any tips on how to get more clarity?