Hello people!
As I told in my introductory post, I've been living with my fiance now for over 10 years and most of that time, I've known that I am poly. My fiance did not get that at first, but suddenly the tables have turned in ways that I couldn't even imagine happening.
We had a mono relationship for the first 10 years of our shared life, in which time I continually talked about polyamorous turns for our life. I myself had a couple of girlfriend of which my fiance knew about. I never had sex with other women, as that is not really what I'm looking for in polyamory. In fact, I've never slept with anyone else except my fiance.
A little over year ago things started to happen. My fiance started getting more into bdsm-scene, which she had nearly forgotten about after her first relationship with a dominant male. Me, wanting to give the love of my life the experiences she wanted, gave permission to everything at hand. So she had a few sexual adventures in the world of bdsm, one of which nearly tore me apart and almost led to a disastrous break-up.
So then, I started my adventure into myself and my bdsm-side. By some freak accident, this lead to a night last december when I met a bdsm-woman, who became very interested in me. The woman was in a relationship with a mono man, but according to her, she had strong feelings for me also. The meeting led to a great friendship without benefits (okay, it nearly happened twice...) but the girl also developed sexual interest to my fiance.
So, not so long ago I decided to give the girls the space they wanted and the most beautiful thing on earth happened. Me, on the other hand am trying to kill the feelings for the woman. I see how my feelings hurts his boyfriend and I am definitely no relationship-breaker. But I just can't get over this. I had a really hard time after my fiances experiences last year and this woman helped me over the hard times big time. I owe her a lot. The friendship must not end.
But at the same time, my fiance is having a poly-relationship with the woman. And I, well I really do love them both very much. I just can't help the feeling that I am in the way somehow. The woman knows I am poly and she also knows that I regard her as a poly-girlfriend without sex. But I can't continue hurting her boyfriend, who is actually very much into the relationship between the girls. He just wishes that I would vanish into thin air, which I understand.
I really, really want to keep her in my life, but at the same time I know that the right thing to do would be keeping some distance. The problem is that she doesn't want that. Whenever I try to get out, she pulls me back in. My fiance knows about my feelings towards the woman and accepts them fully. She understand who I am and what I'm going through right now.
My situation is beautiful and horrible at the same time. I know I should stay away and let the girls have their thing, that's allowed and alright from all viewpoints.
As I told in my introductory post, I've been living with my fiance now for over 10 years and most of that time, I've known that I am poly. My fiance did not get that at first, but suddenly the tables have turned in ways that I couldn't even imagine happening.
We had a mono relationship for the first 10 years of our shared life, in which time I continually talked about polyamorous turns for our life. I myself had a couple of girlfriend of which my fiance knew about. I never had sex with other women, as that is not really what I'm looking for in polyamory. In fact, I've never slept with anyone else except my fiance.
A little over year ago things started to happen. My fiance started getting more into bdsm-scene, which she had nearly forgotten about after her first relationship with a dominant male. Me, wanting to give the love of my life the experiences she wanted, gave permission to everything at hand. So she had a few sexual adventures in the world of bdsm, one of which nearly tore me apart and almost led to a disastrous break-up.
So then, I started my adventure into myself and my bdsm-side. By some freak accident, this lead to a night last december when I met a bdsm-woman, who became very interested in me. The woman was in a relationship with a mono man, but according to her, she had strong feelings for me also. The meeting led to a great friendship without benefits (okay, it nearly happened twice...) but the girl also developed sexual interest to my fiance.
So, not so long ago I decided to give the girls the space they wanted and the most beautiful thing on earth happened. Me, on the other hand am trying to kill the feelings for the woman. I see how my feelings hurts his boyfriend and I am definitely no relationship-breaker. But I just can't get over this. I had a really hard time after my fiances experiences last year and this woman helped me over the hard times big time. I owe her a lot. The friendship must not end.
But at the same time, my fiance is having a poly-relationship with the woman. And I, well I really do love them both very much. I just can't help the feeling that I am in the way somehow. The woman knows I am poly and she also knows that I regard her as a poly-girlfriend without sex. But I can't continue hurting her boyfriend, who is actually very much into the relationship between the girls. He just wishes that I would vanish into thin air, which I understand.
I really, really want to keep her in my life, but at the same time I know that the right thing to do would be keeping some distance. The problem is that she doesn't want that. Whenever I try to get out, she pulls me back in. My fiance knows about my feelings towards the woman and accepts them fully. She understand who I am and what I'm going through right now.
My situation is beautiful and horrible at the same time. I know I should stay away and let the girls have their thing, that's allowed and alright from all viewpoints.