DifferentIsGood
New member
I met my partner almost a year ago. We clicked instantly and it’s been an amazing ride. Neither were really looking for serious commitment type of thing and here we are.
I’m struggling with how to navigate with his nesting partner (spouse). I also have one of my own but our dynamic is very free flowing and ultra supportive. We make it easy for one another to have the love we desire, no matter if that comes from each other, or someone else. If I’d know I was waltzing into a very hierarchical situation I wouldn’t have gotten involved. Now that feelings are what they are, it’s a little late for that.
His nesting partner made it clear over the holidays he wasn’t to see me. Despite having availability that wouldn’t interfere with either of our family’s events - it was not negotiable. Not even late morning grabbing coffee Christmas Eve while he was at work. She did not, however, bat an eye when he wanted to go out with friends Christmas night, after all family stuff was concluded. I took it as, you can do stuff, but you won’t see her because it’s a “special day”. Special days aren’t to be shared.
Now there’s discussion regarding a trip happening this fall. She’s uncomfortable with the idea of he and I possibly having a couple of days together, despite that it doesn’t affect her time at all. She would have already had to returned home and could not stay the whole time. Again, this is in conjunction with a holiday. There is discomfort with memories being made around a holiday if it is me involved with it.
It’s up to him to navigate this conversation. We are parallel and it’s not my place to tell her how to feel. That said, I’m hurt and sad. I don’t want to leave this relationship, but I also want the opportunity to build our connection. This feels stifling and horribly unfair. I’m very very uncomfortable with not being able to do things with my partner. Given that I’d allow my nesting partner (spouse) to enjoy the day with his partner if he wanted time with them, it’s exceptionally challenging. I know it’s a very different dynamic but I just don’t know what to do, or say.
I’m struggling with how to navigate with his nesting partner (spouse). I also have one of my own but our dynamic is very free flowing and ultra supportive. We make it easy for one another to have the love we desire, no matter if that comes from each other, or someone else. If I’d know I was waltzing into a very hierarchical situation I wouldn’t have gotten involved. Now that feelings are what they are, it’s a little late for that.
His nesting partner made it clear over the holidays he wasn’t to see me. Despite having availability that wouldn’t interfere with either of our family’s events - it was not negotiable. Not even late morning grabbing coffee Christmas Eve while he was at work. She did not, however, bat an eye when he wanted to go out with friends Christmas night, after all family stuff was concluded. I took it as, you can do stuff, but you won’t see her because it’s a “special day”. Special days aren’t to be shared.

Now there’s discussion regarding a trip happening this fall. She’s uncomfortable with the idea of he and I possibly having a couple of days together, despite that it doesn’t affect her time at all. She would have already had to returned home and could not stay the whole time. Again, this is in conjunction with a holiday. There is discomfort with memories being made around a holiday if it is me involved with it.
It’s up to him to navigate this conversation. We are parallel and it’s not my place to tell her how to feel. That said, I’m hurt and sad. I don’t want to leave this relationship, but I also want the opportunity to build our connection. This feels stifling and horribly unfair. I’m very very uncomfortable with not being able to do things with my partner. Given that I’d allow my nesting partner (spouse) to enjoy the day with his partner if he wanted time with them, it’s exceptionally challenging. I know it’s a very different dynamic but I just don’t know what to do, or say.