Talking it out

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Ugh.

H is amazing. Listening to my stuff and chiming in or just supporting me at the perfect times. Our sex life has been better, so my relationship with him has improved again by leaps and bounds when it felt great to begin with.

Things with D are complicated. I'm fairly certain Z dislikes me. I know for a fact she doesn't like D seeing me, and she tries to interrupt or end our time together as much as possible. It's irritating, and it's hurtful. I've tried reaching out to her multiple times and gotten little to no response.

My friendship with B is kind of complex, as well. We act pretty much the same as we did when we were dating - do the same activities together and stuff - without the little intimacies. No random kisses (we kiss hello, goodbye, and during sex now), no cuddling, no handholding. I like it. It's fun and I don't worry about it when I don't see/hear from him for days. Everyone else finds it a little weird.

I've been talking to a new guy from OKCupid for a couple of weeks. We've tried to plan to get together a few times, but his wife was extremely ill then I got sick and now Thanksgiving... Eventually it should happen! He's nice, fun, a little nerdier than I normally am interested in (or nerdy about different things).

Other than that... Life is good. I'm starting to look for a new job to get better hours and potentially better pay rate. Not sure how feasible that is, but a girl can dream! :rolleyes:
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Sooo much has happened lately!

H is now officially dating one of his good friends! They've both been interested in seeing the relationship become more intimate and romantic for a few months, but the timing has just now seemed to work out. Go H! He's all shy and nervous to talk about her too much, and I just love it.

D and I are possibly in the midst of breaking up. Z has said a slew of hurtful things to me to make it painfully clear she does not like, does not like D seeing me, and will not tolerate me affecting her life in any way that she has control over. D doesn't want to break up, but I don't see much alternative unless he wants to have an unhappy home life for the foreseeable future.

B and I are still chugging along as FWB. We talk a few times a week, see each other once a week or every other. It's fun, it's familiar, it's not stressful. Oddly enough, the relationship everyone else calls unhealthy is the one that is functioning as it's supposed to!

I still haven't met OKC guy. He's been sick and his wife has been sick as well, so maybe this weekend? We'll see. Another guy has also contacted me and asked if I'd like to meet for coffee. I'm nervous to start meeting new people, though, because I don't want to get into any kind of rebound relationship if D and I do end up calling it quits.

Y has been amazing through it all. H and I spent a few days with her and her family over the holiday and it was great. Cuddling and catching up on everything. She cooked, I cleaned. Felt like home and family. Wonderful. :)
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Breakups are seriously the worst. Especially when there is no reason inside the actual relationship to cause it.

I'm going on a first date tonight, too. Seriously awful timing, but I don't want to cancel because it's so hard to actually find time to meet people. Oddly enough, it's not even the guy I've been trying hard to meet! It's someone else who has been friendly off and on for months, and we started talking a lot the last week or so. His wife has actually been on a few dates with B, which has the potential for some awkwardness, but I don't really see it mattering at all.

I have no idea where my personal life is going anymore. I'm not sure if I even want to think about it. I'm feeling like I need to give up on the idea of finding a serious relationship and enjoy moments as they come with no expectations of a future. Whenever I do that, I end up hurt.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
"We accept the love we think we deserve." (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

Why was I so willing to accept love when it as selfish? When I was rarely allowed to actually feel any benefit from it?

Or maybe the real question is... Why do I still miss it? Why do I still cry at random, when I thought I was done with that a few days ago? Why does my heart leap to my throat whenever my phone goes off because I think it might be him saying he misses me, too? Why do I still want to check in to make sure he's okay, that he's happy, that he's moving on when really the last thing I want to think about is him forgetting me?

I know not being with D is better for me in the long run. It still hurts so damn much, though. The first time since high school that I have fallen in love with someone who fell in love with me, too, and it apparently wasn't meant to be. I hate feeling like this. Weak. Vulnerable. Rejected.

I ended up going on two first dates this week. One with a guy that seems extremely interested but isn't someone I am particularly interested in. The other with a guy who I could actually see myself with. Which sucks, because I am nowhere near ready to actually be with someone. He gets that, though, and we've agreed to limit our physical relationship and be more friendly instead of relationshippy. Whenever I've returned to baseline, we can re-evaluate to see what we are interested in.

I'm a mess, and I'm not entirely how to shake it off. I'm hoping that just giving it time will work.

H and I have a fantastic weekend planned. Hopefully that will keep me distracted enough that I will go a few days without crying again. ;)
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I was pretty darn down last time I posted.

D and I have since talked. Once. I realized that I don't miss his negativity when he is down - which is often due to low self esteem and a fucked up primary relationship. Pretty sure I'm on the road to over that one.

H and I did have a great weekend, and I got to hang out with the woman he recently started dating (as in going on dates, not relationship) which was really nice and funner than I expected. He is still kind of frustrated that I can have sex with other people when he and I have such a hard time coordinating a time to be sexual. A lot of that has to do with our schedules, though.

B and I have been talking more and are reading the same book right now which made me laugh. H is afraid B is starting to associate more to the connection that I am, but I don't see it. I've been wrong before, though. I did stay the night there one night last week, since it was late and I was tired and didn't want to drive home. I guess I don't really care what we do, as long as I don't get to the point where I expect anything from B or feel like I NEED time with him. FWB, dating, whatever... As long as we're having fun and nobody is getting hurt, it shouldn't matter.

The one guy who agreed to patient turned out to be the exact opposite. Almost every statement was about future plans or goals, and way too many of them included me. I cut off all contact when he didn't stop that stuff when I told him it made me uncomfortable.

The other guy (henceforth R) and I have hung out a few times. More sexual than I expected, but also no pressure. He is very much a "just see how it goes" kind of person which is nice. His wife and I have also hung out and talked a bit. She is an interesting person, too, although I don't see us really making too much of an effort to hang out except for group situations. She has some health limitations, and I am fairly busy, so the effort is going to be lacking on both fronts. We do get along well so far, though.

That's about it. It's not feeling like the holidays at all to me since H and I can't really afford gifts this year. Hopefully going to Y's house on Christmas Day to hang out with her family. Not sure if we'll make it or not, but we shall see!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
The letters are starting to feel to vague to me... H = Hubby (obvious relationship), B = Boy (ex-boyfriend/FWB), D = Doomed (ex-boyfriend), Y= Yarn (friend/self proclaimed platonic girlfriend), R = Radio, and introducing Lady (hubby's now official girlfriend!) and Brave (Radio's wife).

Christmas ended up being wonderful. Hubby and I were together the entire day with other people coming and going at random.

Boy spent a few hours with us, which was fun and nice. I have missed the rhythm that the three of us have - which mostly involves them being playful and ganging up to tease me then me pretending to have my feelings hurt so they have to come hug me and make me feel better. It's silly and comfortable and nice. On that front, I am realizing I probably have more emotion left for Boy than I thought, but it still hasn't been a problem. I have no desire to have an actual relationship with him. I don't expect anything from him, nor do I want to. Hubby is seeming more comfortable with the whole situation, too, which is really nice.

Lady came over in the afternoon and helped cook and ate dinner with us. It was relaxing and also surprisingly comfortable. Hubby made a joke one time about how we were being nicer to him than expected (we both tease him much like he and boy tease me) but that changed as we got more comfortable with the new dynamic. She is going to be staying with us for a few days next week as she starts moving out of the house she is currently sharing with her ex-partner. THAT will be an interesting test so early in her and hubby's relationship, I think.

Radio and Brave came over later in the evening after Lady had left. We just relaxed, chatted, and listened to music. Radio and I are going to have an entire day together tomorrow, which should be interesting. Brave kind of pushed for it, because she hasn't been feeling well and really needs to focus on getting stuff done - which means Radio needs to be out of the house. :) It should be fun. We're trying to plan something active, that Brave wouldn't be able to do for health reasons. I think the three of us may go on a group date sometime next week, if timing works out. I don't think she and I will really click romantically, but we get along well as friends and there could be some sexual attraction there if we spend more time together. Either way, I think the date itself will be fun.

Doomed also contacted me on Christmas. He seemed both glad that I am well and enjoying life and rather disappointed that he is no longer a part of it. More than once he told me how fantastic/amazing/wonderful/etc I am with a sad face included... While I enjoy the banter we get going every once in a while during these conversations, they don't really seem to affect me the way they affect him. In other words, they don't really affect me strongly at all while he always seems down for at least a portion of the time. I don't know if it is good for him or not, but I figure it's his decision and his well-being is not my responsibility at all so I'm just going with the flow there.

Yarn and I are going to try to get together soon. She is going to start teaching me to knit! :p Our interactions are noticeably different, more distant somehow, when we haven't seen each other for a few weeks. Time to make the guys play games so we can catch up, I guess... Not that they'll mind either. haha

So, life feels good again. Getting out of my funk, and really preparing to get out and see more of the world this winter. Last winter was NOT easy on me for a few reasons, so I want to make this one memorable for a much better reason. Wish me luck! :rolleyes:
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
So, life feels good again. Getting out of my funk, and really preparing to get out and see more of the world this winter. Last winter was NOT easy on me for a few reasons, so I want to make this one memorable for a much better reason. Wish me luck! :rolleyes:

Here's to love, health and HAPPINESS in the New Year!

Good Luck!:D
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Here's to love, health and HAPPINESS in the New Year!

Good Luck!:D

Than you so much, Jane. So far 2014 has been pretty much as expected (in a good way!). :)

I worked NYE. I got home about a half hour before midnight, Lady was here with Hubby, and we just ate dinner and relaxed and I got to see the love of my life get all giddy as he kissed me then his girlfriend at midnight. It was adorable and relaxing and fun. I'm enjoying getting to know Lady more, which is interesting because I have known her for over a year and never really felt like we clicked well. Maybe we have more incentive now.

Hubby and I also hung out with Yarn and her husband last weekend. It was nice to eat, drink, play games, then cuddle up on the couch with her and watch a movie while the guys continued playing. Fell asleep on the couch, actually.

Boy and I have been talking more seriously the last week or so. The end of the year approaching had us both a bit contemplative, which led to some interesting discussions. He feels like he has gotten a bit jaded about life in general and doesn't try as hard. Which leads to guilt because something he would have fought for in the past gets given up on now. Like his relationship with me. I found that interesting. I reiterated that I knew in the beginning that he was going through a lot of stuff, the timing was NOT good when we were dating, and that he needs to figure himself out before he's going to be able to dedicate himself to someone(s) like he wants to. I'm really glad we're friends again - I forgot how well Boy understands me, and he has said more than once that he missed being able to talk to me and really appreciates my feedback and advice and general acceptance/helpfulness.

Dinner with Radio and Brave this weekend, I hope. Hubby is slightly nervous that they may be interested in a FWB type relationship with the two of us, which he would be interested in but isn't sure how it would affect his budding sexual relationship with Lady. Radio is wanting to get more serious about dedicating time for the two of us to hang out, as well, which would be fun although I don't think I will ever "fall in love" with him or anything too serious.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Doomed contacted me today. I kind of thought we were just done talking. Apparently not. Somehow the conversation ALWAYS gets negative. What happened, what could have been, etc. I was over it, and made a comment about how he needs to stop wallowing since it was his choice to end things. He apparently did NOT like that, and the conversation deteriorated. It ended with me basically telling him that I had no desire whatsoever to have anything to do with him if he can't even take responsibility for his actions.

Don't get me wrong, I KNOW his fiancee is the one who told him he had to choose, but he's the one who let it get to that point. Who gave her the power to dictate who can and can't be in his life. That was HIS choice. So... Yeah. Bye bye, Doomed. A friendship's never going to work with all the shit that's between us.

On the bright side... Boy and I have noticed how much nicer we are to each other these days! We have all the good stuff and none of the bad. We're both loving the lack of love or expectation of it. haha

Hubby wants to get more into the casual sex arena again - for me, though. H really enjoys group sex and seeing me with other men, so he wants to focus on making that happen. I'm all for it, but I'm not really interested in having random sex partners so we're actually going to have to take the time to get to know some guys together. I'm hoping it'll work out.

Yarn and I haven't been meshing well lately. Different priorities and experiences, I think. We've also both been kind of hormonal and off. It doesn't help that she has had zero dates and very little fun time (outside of what she and her hubby do together or with the kids) the last few months. She's expressed jealousy/envy towards me and my dating and having multiple guys striving to have sex with me. Not sure what to do there, other than to continue telling her to put herself out there and MAKE time to get out to events she's interested in.

I'm feeling less interested in Radio. Brave wigged out a bit the last time Radio and I went out which gave me a not so great sense of deja vu. He seems very self-centered, and while he's understanding of my crazy schedule and we have fun when together, I have a hard time remaining interested in anything he really enjoys discussing when I don't get to SEE the passion on his face and in his voice as he talks about it. And since we have little to no overlapping interests... I'm just not feeling it at all.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
There was a death in hubby's family. We traveled back to our home state for the funeral and to be with family for a week. It was stressful, it was busy, and it re-affirmed that we truly do love living where we do. It was also fantastic to see the kids (5 nieces and 2 nephews) as well as our parents, siblings, and, of course, all of hubby's extended family. While it was a sad reason that got us there, the visit was lovely, and everyone was able to reminisce and grieve together while we sat and played games and caught up.

So, back to reality!

We got back today. Changing time zones as well as lack of solid rest while we were gone made a nap necessary for me. Hubby had plans with Lady tonight, and I was going to go out with Boy. Well, Boy cancelled (family stuff), and hubby asked me while I was still mostly asleep if he could have the car since I wasn't going out (normally he takes public transit since he is more comfortable doing the mile walk from the bus stop alone in the dark - or I go pick him up when we get the timing down right). So, I am trapped at home (literally trapped - feet are blistered from walking in some BAD shoes this morning so going a mile to the bus stop isn't really doable). I really do not like feeling trapped. Trying to enjoy getting caught up in some shows and enjoying the fact that I don't have to wear pants while home!

We did some talking while we were out of town, and hubby and I THINK we've come up with a decent enough plan for time management for a bit. Whenever he wants to begin having overnights with Lady, we will have to make some changes (and she has invited him to spend the night this weekend, so it is hubby that is waiting to take that step - which I am incredibly grateful for and have told him such), but I love structure so even having a short term idea of how things will go makes me feel tons better.

Radio didn't contact me AT ALL during the week. I had plans with him the day before we flew out, but I needed the time to pack and get things ready so I asked him if he wanted to come over instead of going out as we'd planned - he said no, he'd feel in the way and it wasn't worth the hour or so each way that it takes on public transit. Fine. Then I text him when we land and ask some random questions about stuff he has going on. No response. All week. We get back today, and I get a text about how it was a crazy week for him. Well, me, too. I just lost someone who has been a part of my life and family to me for a decade. Some support or a "thinking of you" at some point would have been nice. His seeming utter lack of interest in being a support for me is enough for me to just be done with him as a person. I don't need any more selfish people in my life.

I did start talking to a guy from OKC right before we got the news about the death, and we'd tentatively made plans for this week. That obviously didn't happen, but he continued chatting with me via text all week and was very kind and sweet. I'm not sure that I'll have time to have coffee with him this week, but I'm hoping that we can make that happen. We've actually crossed paths at some events before, so it's interesting that we've never REALLY met just seen each other from a distance. :) We're both just looking for friends, with the potential for more down the road, so it's nice to have a no pressure person around to talk about nonsense with.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Stress consumes me. It makes me physically ill, short-tempered, and generally unable to function until I have my life under control.

I need a break from thinking about a year from now, five years from now, retirement, etc. I need to figure out the next month, sleep for about a week, then maybe my brain can start thinking about what I want long term again. Maybe.

Boy is asking more of me time-wise which surprises me in a not altogether unwelcome way. He is being so much more open about his feelings than he used to be, and he's been so supportive and a great sounding board for my life lately. Neither of us are ready for a real romantic relationship, and I am hoping that the great connection that we've built doesn't lessen when one (or both) of us starts dating seriously again.
Lady has threatened/discussed not dating Hubby for the time being because of my inability to say exactly what I want my private/family life to be like in a year (or five years or a decade).
Yarn and I feel distant and weird. We haven't seen each other in far too long. I hate it, and I would really like life to settle so I can travel the 50 miles to see the family.
Radio is out of the picture. I thought he was going to be a good friend/potential FWB, but he really is one of the most self-centered people I've ever met.
Still talking to a few people from OKC, so we'll see how that goes. I'm kind of tired of unsolicited sexual comments/innuendo/information and may just become antisocial for a while.

Work sucks. I need to find a new job.
My apartment sucks. I need to find a new place to live.

My hubby is awesome. I think I'll keep him. :)
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
Stress consumes me. It makes me physically ill, short-tempered, and generally unable to function until I have my life under control.

....

My hubby is awesome. I think I'll keep him. :)

Hear, hear!:D
I know this feeling.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Well, I've checked one thing of the list - Hubby and I found a rental house we both actually like, and we were actually able to submit applications together and get it! Woohoo! Now the packing begins, which I absolutely despise but have been oddly motivated to get done.

I've gone through all my clothes and gotten rid of a mini-mountain of things that didn't fit or just don't get worn often enough to make them worth keeping around. I had a friend come over and try on a few things that she liked, so they already found a good home, but I will need to donate the rest next time I'm out.

I've been baking and cooking up a storm to get rid of some of the random food stuffs we had around. Boy has taken home a pan of brownies, some cookies, and a bunch of leftovers dished into single servings for his lunch all week. I warned him that I'm going to be all cooked out, and he's going to have to cook for me a few times after all this. :)

No Valentine's plans for me although I did have a guy ask me to go out tonight; I don't really believe in it. If you love someone, show/tell them every single day, not just some random holiday. I thought it was weird that someone wanted to go out on a first date (we've met briefly, but this would have been the first official date) on Valentine's Day. Isn't that kind of weird? Hubby and I ran some errands before he went to work, and Boy stopped by to pick up some things he forgot here the other day. Yarn sent me some ridiculous, pervy V-day cards via text. Cracked me up all day. :p

I've had Pandora on most of the day while piddling around the house. It amazes me how much music can affect my mood! Something peppy and I'm smiling, dancing, and having a great time then something comes on that reminds me of Doomed or is just generally sad, and I'm bawling. It's fantastic and horrifying at the same time.

Now I think I will take a relaxing shower and be lazy for a bit before going to bed. Sweet dreams, world.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Well, it's official. Hubby and Lady are "just friends" again. He has been less sad about it than I expected, probably because it was ultimately his choice. She and I both offered up suggestions on how to tweak things to make it more doable with our crazy lives, but he decided it wasn't fair to anyone or anything (meaning his schooling) to continue at this time. They're leaving the door open for a future do-over, but unless I somehow manage to get my dream of the future to match their dream of the future, it probably won't happen. Apparently they don't feel like they are capable of anything less than a fully integrated, life-sharing, potentially baby-making, cohabiting relationship being the "goal."

Work has been insane. People getting fired, injured, or being away for some other reason. I'm working over 50 hours this week. Add in moving and I am exhausted, but I think we'll manage it. At least the big paycheck coming my way in a couple of weeks has helped me justify paying movers to do the big stuff and whatever I can have packed and ready by the weekend.

Hubby has decided he'd like to go to a swing club again. We haven't been since... New year's 2013? I went a couple of times over the year with someone else (no sex with others, just the person I was there with), but he didn't. Boy also wants to go sometime (alone or with me or with someone I set him up with, he doesn't care... lol), and hubby thinks it'd be fun to get him to go on a night we're planning to go, too. We've had a couple of threesomes before, and I think going on a kink night or something like that would be really interesting. Hopefully I can make it happen.

I suppose I should get a little bit done before heading to work later. One of these days I WILL get all the sleep I am missing out on this month! :rolleyes:
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Finally feeling rested and relaxed after a month of craziness.

Lady and I are hanging out tonight. I think Hubby has pretty much let go of the idea of being with her in the future (at least in the way he wanted to be), however I know she still has that goal in mind. We'll see if my feelings about it change as I get to know her more without the pressure of my reservations being the only thing holding them back.

I've been talking to someone from OKC for what feels like forever. A couple of months. Every time we make plans to actually meet, one of us ends up working or being sick or something. We're very friendly still, and I think if we ever actually do hang out we could be great friends, but I think I'm tired of neither of us making it a priority. Obviously something is lacking if we can't turn down work and stuff.

Going to my first roller derby bout today! Super excited. :) That's about all I have going on. haha
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Roller derby was amazing. It was a bit uneven of a match, so I'm eager to return for some better competition.

I'm sickly and working too much, as usual (well, I'm not usually sickly :p ).

Boy is getting on my nerves. All needy one day then aloof the next. Much the same pattern as when we were in a relationship. He had guests last week and barely spoke to me the entire time, then as soon as they're gone he's texting asking if I have any time for him, that he wants to see me, etc. etc.

The two friends I feel the closest to (Yarn and a friend from childhood who actually knows relatively little about my personal life) talk to me daily. We're in near constant contact with silly little things or the mundane (Hubby and I are as well). It would be way too much for many, but we enjoy it and I have found that that is pretty much what I need to really continue caring about the ins and outs of someone else's life. Boy knows this, yet he continues to push for super closeness at times and then just want to disappear at others. It doesn't work for me, and just makes me irritated at him for the lack of stability in expectation.

Lady and I had a lovely time the other day and have been chatting quite a bit this week about nothing in particular. Probably going to a group thing at which she and her partner-ish people will be this weekend, so it will be interesting to see how she and hubby behave towards each other these days.

Have I mentioned I'm working too much? :eek:

As I expected, OKC guy bailed for work. I've given up on ever meeting him. If neither of us can set aside an hour or two and actually commit to it... We're obviously not that excited about whatever friendship or relationship could come of meeting IRL. I'll continue to enjoy our electronic interactions.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Still not a day off in sight. Boy is coming over tomorrow when I get off (sushi and cuddles, yay!).

Part of me is really wanting to put myself out there and meet someone(s), but I'm ultimately happy how things are right now. Hubby and I are spending good amounts of intentional, quality time together. I get alone time which I have learned to enjoy and use to relax and just be myself doing whatever silly thing strikes my fancy. I'm kind of limited transportation-wise so... I think I'll just stay the course for another month or so and see where I'm at!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Feeling rested and much more optimistic about life these days. Still getting overtime, but not to the extreme.

I went to a poly event last week. Came home feeling glad to have caught up with some familiar people and excited to have exchanged numbers with a new guy. Totally not my relationship-type, but he seemed fun and a good potential friend/FWB. We've been chatting off and on since, but he has made a couple of statements that have really turned me off of the idea of going out with him one-on-one. Assuming that we would have sex being one of those things. Blech.

Hubby and I are having a party this weekend! Something we've never done, and about a dozen of our friends will be here for it. Some coworkers, Lady, Boy, Yarn, and more. It should be interesting when our coworkers realize what kind of friends we have. haha Boy is excited that I told him he doesn't have to watch his behaviour at all. Which means ass grabbing and random kisses will happen if we're truly being ourselves. Yarn will judge me. Hubby will laugh (he things Boy and I are couple-y and just denying our true relationship to one another lol). It'll be a fun night.

Looking forward to a fun week, even though I'm going to have to cancel a date which I HATE doing. Just because I'm poly, am open about the fact that I fuck multiple people, and agreed to go out with you does NOT mean I'm going to fuck you! Why must people assume?! :(
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I had a dream about Doomed the other night. I woke up feeling pretty icky because of it, then it fled my mind. It just came back to me.

My coworkers and I were attending a banquet for some reason. I don't recall what it was for. I had initially not been planning to go, but at the last minute I'd decided to attend. Another ex-coworker had RSVP'd then gotten fired so I took her spot. When I walked in, I glanced around for my work's table. I spotted it and started to make my way there (it was on the far side of the room, kind of in the back). As I'm squeezing by people in the front, I passed by a table and BAM! There's Doomed. With her. He stood, said hello, and gave me an awkward hug that I didn't return. She just glared. I am panicked. I said to him "I don't want to see you, I don't want to..." I just trailed off. I felt like I was going to cry, so I walked away. Took my seat with my ex-coworker's name on the place card and move on.

Then the dinner portion and all is over. Some people brought instruments and formed a random band, playing all kinds of music. I went out to listen since a few of my friends were also randomly there and playing. Doomed shows up. Playing the instrument that he played for me on our second date. That he hadn't played in years before I encouraged him to pick it back up. I run out and plan to leave. Then, I heard them playing a song that always cracks me up. From my childhood. A randomly religious rap song that I still love to this day. I went back in to listen to it, and Boy appeared. Hubby was present, but floating around with friends. Boy saw I was upset. He came over and just gave me a huge hug and led me out. Doomed watched as we left together. I cried.

Then I woke up. Or moved on to another dream. Or whatever. It's weird. Having Boy be the rescuer. Having Doomed see us together when his main fear when we were dating was that I would fall back in love with Boy and no longer need/want/care about him.

I've never had this emotional of a time after ending a relationship. Then again, I've only loved 5 people in my life, one I'm still with, one I'm good friends with and no longer feel romantic toward, one that I knew wouldn't work out and accepted and moved on, and one that drifted away amicably. Then Doomed. Another one that I should have just accepted and moved on when I had the chance. Oops.
 

AlwaysGrowing

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Hubby was joking about how he couldn't see the difference between what Boy and I do and dating. Boy apparently agrees. So, we had to have a talk about how it's fine and dandy if he considers us "dating" or "in a relationship" or whatever, as long as he knows I have no expectations or needs of him. Neither of us have been in a space to consider the future, although I think I am getting more and more capable of figuring out what it is that I want from this point forward. I enjoy his company and that's that. Ever since, Boy has been ridiculously sweet, used a spare toothbrush I had then was all "I could just leave it here..." after saying he was going to take it home, and seemed really excited when I said that that is fine. His toothbrush, his choice.

Hubby and Lady are dating again - after I suggested an alternative to what they had been doing/thinking last time they tried it. I think it'll work out okay, for a while at least. Long enough to let us all figure out if it's feasible long-term, when life isn't as hectic. Keeping it casual for now with the intent to re-evaluate how the relationship dynamic will work once hubby is no longer a full-time student and hopefully has a job he is more satisfied in.

I have a first date tomorrow with a guy I've been talking to from OKC. He lives about an hour and a half away, has two girlfriends (doesn't cohabit with either and only has the occasional overnight), and... Yeah, that's about it. We read the same books, find similar things amusing, it could be the beginning of a good friendship and who knows what. We'll see how it goes IRL.

I am going to go clean my house now! It's pretty well clear of the mess made at the part, but it needs scrubbed! :)
 
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