The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)

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Feeling much better tonight.

Zed and I fought earlish in the day but it was brief and I was able to get out a lot of my frustrations I've been having that have been the culprit of making me feel less than important.

Dean was there for the initial breaking point and later went to the gym with me where we were able to discuss things. He justified the way I've been feeling in a graceful manner and responded by taking initiative creatively to help get Zed more motivated.

I also ran over 3 miles at the gym tonight and worked my arms and back. Which is perfect timing for my psychedelic painting evening coming up tomorrow night.

All in all, I'm in a better place. I'm reminded again why I adore my guys so incredibly much. Their talent, creativity, and genuine passion astound and inspire me every day. ��

Also caught up with Cuba briefly and he started his new job this week. ����
Positive energies all around.

I am a happy bunnie.
 
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Thanks KC43, we had a long conversation last night that helped. And my other partner is being really sweet and we have an awesome date planned for Saturday. So yay.
 
At Djinn and Mals house, and things are really good between me and each of them. Between the two of them however... not so much. They aren't fighting, which is nice, but I think they've given up. They aren't fighting not because there is no disagreements, but because they don't care enough to fight anymore. It's heart breaking to watch :( But watch and support where I can is all I can do... so I'm doing it. With all my heart.
 
I had that job interview today. Technically the job is a share - but rather than two employees job sharing, it's two employers sharing an employee. I was asked how I'd work with that. I said that in some ways it's like being in a polyamorous relationship. The person who would be my direct report laughed a lot. The other two didn't seem to understand, but that's ok. I made the boss laugh :) I hope my makeup was enough to hide the blush I felt hehe
 
I am over the moon about someone I met on OKC. We've been emailing every day and the chemistry was so good in writing that we quickly agreed that meeting in person was not to be put off. To my complete pleasure, he is even more attractive than his photos and as expected by our writing, the conversation just flowed. Our first date was a thorough joy for us both and we've got plans to meet again this upcoming week. So OKC does come through every once in a while!
 
Rollercoaster

Feeling very up, down, and all over the place today. The sucky news I received a few days ago had less of an effect on me than I thought it might, and I was feeling a bit of relief over some issues I now wouldn't have to deal with because of it, although I am still disappointed and a tad disoriented in trying to adjust to this new, unexpected scenario. Then the feeling of being upset came back when certain behaviors of other people only exacerbated the suckiness of it all. I have moments of feeling unappreciated, old, dismissed, and like a failure with nothing worthwhile going on in my life, and foolish to think anything will go right. Then I get angry, then somewhat motivated, then a burst of energy moves through me and I start getting things done, but then a wave of sadness washes over me, and then I'm disappointed and upset all over again.

I'm trying to stay present and get shit done, but my mind keeps pulling me out of the moment. I want to contact this guy I met a couple weeks ago, about whom I feel very excited -- I want to get to know him better, and fuck him like crazy -- but I am feeling like too much of a mess to text him.

I feel like I want to just take off and disappear, and go live in seclusion in the woods somewhere. Because, y'know, in general people suck.
 
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since my puppy died a few months ago I finally got another one, I have 2 huskies and 2 siamese mix cats so this blue eyed baby fits right in

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Really amazing night aside from a small blowup involving Pixies first husband and metamour. Once all that got straightened out, Dean came over to hang out with Zed and I for the rest of the night.

The rest of the evening consisted of me admiringly watching Dean's creative process in our living room while I helped Zed on some cooking. Topping off the night, we played some card games and simply enjoyed each other's company.

I'm so full of love for both of these men. ❤️
 
Yesterday I was grumpy. Today I was not. That is all.
 
Was really worried today while at work about poly-family issues we had last night. Worried sick almost. Making it worse, today was Dean and mines anniversary so my anxiety really started kicking in when I didn't hear from him like I usually do.

Until he showed up at my work with presents and chocolate and spent my lunch break with me. 😊 Gosh, he makes me smile.

Now I'm spending the evening with Zed playing games and hanging out.
Nice ending to a weird emotional day.
 
I'm not really sure how I'm doing, I guess. I feel pretty stable mentally (which after my first (and hopefully last) major depressive episode feels great. But Billie and I are at odds, and I'm 'forcing' her to move out (ie paying for her tuition at her first choice school and a living allowance while she lives there), and I think I'm watching Mal and Djinn's marriage in its death throes. The are either not talking (most of the time) or fighting (sometimes), and it feels s
Like they are emotionally disengaging from each other :( I'm hoping they make it through this rough patch, it is heart breaking to watch.
 
Squeeeeeeeeeeeee

Oh yeah, I'm good.
 
Life has been such a rollercoaster lately. Long-standing relationship problems with Roger have been bubbling to the top. Major loss in Jack's life. Been trying to split my emotional energy between the two, while managing a job where I work too many hours, making time for my best friend, Indigo, taking care of the house, finding some me time, oh and dissertation?! Pretty exhausted just reflecting on that.

Plans with Jack moving in have been pushed back 9 months, maybe less. Pretty disappointing, but completely understandable. Could be useful to have a few more months working on difficulties with Roger before the three of us live together. Converting Jack's "room" into a indoor gardening space. I miss him tremendously.
 
Doing pretty wonderfully.

Zed and I reached a new milestone of affection and appreciation for each other, I feel.

Dean and I had our switch night last night and spent our second night at the gym together. He and I both feel much more on point with our health now than we did even just a week ago.

And Cuba and I seemed to have reached a new level of communication after I opened up and let him know how I was feeling.


Fingers crossed that this upstreak stays up. I really feel a sense of mellowing out all across the board and that's nice to feel for once.
 
Another luscious first date today with a guy I met on Words with Friends a few months ago. We've been texting like teenagers (all day, ongoing convos that wax and wane) and today was our first in person meet up. I find people pretty much the same as they are in writing, only more so. As expected, the verbal and physical chemistry were there, so I'm pretty happy to have my hunches confirmed.

I love my beautiful "garden of lovers" setting in my head.
 
I am pretty happy with a purchase I made today. I have been missing wearing a watch because I find it a PITA to always take out my phone to look at the time, and there are so many pretty watches out there! Last month, I received a coupon in the mail for a big watch store here, and it was about to expire next week, so I went shopping and decided to treat myself. Bought two beautiful watches and received 25% off - yippee!
 
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After yesterday's feeling of a small triumph, I kind of lost momentum today and didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted to. I have to work tomorrow, and don't wanna. And I have been fighting a cold for the last few days, got the sniffles.

I am always tired, and lately (after a small respite) have been feeling stressed again, for a few reasons. One is my job. In some ways, it's a piece of cake, but in other ways, it's very physically and mentally demanding. The other stressor is financial- and divorce-related stuff. My life is still a bit of a mess in that regard.

For the last six months or so, I occasionally lapse into fantasies about moving away, escaping into the woods, off the grid somewhere, to be alone with no responsibilities, or of taking a sabbatical for a year or something. But today, I thought of a plan that I think is doable, and a goal I can work toward - to take three or four months off and travel, albeit very budget-consciously. I don't think it can happen this coming year, but perhaps the next. There are places on the planet that I would like to visit before I get too old and achy to travel, and so I will start planning.

Well, at least it gives me something with which to occupy my mind.
 
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