It is good to hear this from someone else; I don't think it's too out-there for me to think this also. Can you tell me what you think the constant texting indicates?I get you on the porousness. You feel insecure, and you aren't sure where the boundaries lie anymore. Even though your wife claims this guy is a friend, the constant texting tells me otherwise.
This is kind of what I'm afraid of if we go down the poly-path. I may have overstated things about the current situation - I think you could say she is at 20% NRE with this guy... but I can see it hitting 100% with the right guy, situation, sex. And frankly, I'm not too excited about living with that day-to-day.But my point is, you want/need reassurance, in the midst of the changes. Wife is in NRE, she's focused on new guy to the detriment of almost everything else in her life right now. It's a rush of excitement, like a drug, and it can frankly, make people act like assholes. We've all had friends who fall in love and completely get in that bubble, and stop contacting friends. Then, after the NRE wears off, and they infatuated person tries to contact friends again, the friends have felt neglected so much, they may no longer be there to continue the friendship. This is similar.
Yes, we're not in poly hell but I am afraid of going there, and (as I've written in a few other threads) I don't think she is aware enough of the risk of that.That is why it helps you to try and rein her in just a bit, show her your reality. "Hey, I'm still here!" Talk to her about setting up casual at-home "date nights" (because of Covid), or plan walks with her. You'd like to walk with her, right? You're envious of the walks she has with New Guy. One of the main efforts that must be made by a hinge in a V is to balance the care and affection for both partners. If she's giving all her good stuff to New Guy, it's not poly done well. She's taking you for granted, and if she continues this way, it will keep damaging your long established intimacy.