She's going to have Eric, the midwife, the midwife's assistant and MAYBE her mom and that's it. She said that she'd do it completely alone if it was safe to do so and if it wouldn't be terribly unfair to Eric (it being his baby too). Basically, like I related in an earlier post, she gets stressed at the thought of people worrying about her and she wants to be as unstressed as possible during the birth.
When a friend / former girlfriend of mine was pregnant and asked me to be her birthing partner (I wasn't the father of the child - he was going through a divorce, was not going to continue the relationship with her, and couldn't afford to give his wife extra ammunition in the divorce court - so wouldn't acknowledge paternity) [fuller account here
], I read everything on the subject of home births that I could get my hands on, and became a real fanatic
. In "Spitual Midwifery" (a book that contains things I love* and things I loathe), one of the things I admired (and got a big worried about) was in one case where the birthing woman's [very nervous] husband / father of the child was making her
really nervous. The midwife became aware of this and ordered him out of the room. He suffered because of that, but came to respect the decision, and realised that he would have suffered even worse if his continued presence had complicated the birth.
Rule one in home births (and a rule they ride over rough-shod in most hospitals - and even in some
home births with doctors [as opposed to midwives] present): THE MOTHER RULES
!!! Her needs and wishes - even whims - must
be catered for... even if others feel slighted
*There's one account where a mother - who's going through intense, heavy contractions - says to the midwife after one contraction:
"That one seemed lighter."
"Yeah," answers the midwife. "That's because I helped you carry part of it."
"Oh, right!" I thought. "Happy hippy dreams!
Wouldn't it be nice IF
Another woman who met me at the home-birth preparation classes was impressed with her 3-year-old daughter's attachment to me (after one session [a film of a home birth] where we were all to invite everybody who would be attending our own home birthings) and invited me to attend her
When I showed up, She asked me (radically opposed to tobacco) if I wanted to share a tobacco-free joint with her. And I swear
to you: while I was sitting next to her, stoned out of my box, I was feeling all of her contractions. She didn’t have to say anything. I felt them starting, cresting, and ebbing in intensity.
I was incapable of saying anything during them (the feeling is too intense), but the first time, while the intensity was ebbing, I turned to her and asked: “Have you just had a contraction?”
“Yes. It just finished 3 seconds ago.”
“Well, I had it with you.”
Happy hippy dreams!