sage
New member
Hey Lady I
I am very impressed with you. For one so new you really seem to have come to grips with poly/mono in a very measured and healthy way.
I don't quite understand what you mean when you say that your personal boundaries are welded together? Perhaps you could explain that a bit further?
I am in a big learning phase around co-dependence so I apologise to anyone if I have things out of whack.
Like anyone Z has some quite distinct ....I can't find a word for it. It's more than moods, it's the way his energy is. His energy ranges from beautiful and very loving to sad and emotionally withdrawn.
I've noticed that I've been invested in keeping him in the "beautiful loving" space. What's wrong with that? It prevents him from dealing with his stuff. Sometimes he needs to go into his dark and lonely cave to work through things.
His relationship with J is one of those issues. It is unbalanced (he's far more invested in it than she is). A lot of it is fantasy in his mind but I've been supporting it because it makes him so happy (i.e in his loving energy space).
Now that I've realised this I'm going to start very gently speaking my truth (when the opportunity presents itself), even though I know I risk losing him to his big black cave.
We can be all set for a wonderful weekend together and if I touch a nerve it can be wiped out, he can be emotionally withdrawn and sad for days. So I've learnt to stay away from those nerves. But this isn't healthy for either of us and now I'm learning to create my own lovely energy so that I can allow him his cave and hopefully help him deal with the nasties that lurk there.
hugs right back at you
Sage
I am very impressed with you. For one so new you really seem to have come to grips with poly/mono in a very measured and healthy way.
I don't quite understand what you mean when you say that your personal boundaries are welded together? Perhaps you could explain that a bit further?
I am in a big learning phase around co-dependence so I apologise to anyone if I have things out of whack.
Like anyone Z has some quite distinct ....I can't find a word for it. It's more than moods, it's the way his energy is. His energy ranges from beautiful and very loving to sad and emotionally withdrawn.
I've noticed that I've been invested in keeping him in the "beautiful loving" space. What's wrong with that? It prevents him from dealing with his stuff. Sometimes he needs to go into his dark and lonely cave to work through things.
His relationship with J is one of those issues. It is unbalanced (he's far more invested in it than she is). A lot of it is fantasy in his mind but I've been supporting it because it makes him so happy (i.e in his loving energy space).
Now that I've realised this I'm going to start very gently speaking my truth (when the opportunity presents itself), even though I know I risk losing him to his big black cave.
We can be all set for a wonderful weekend together and if I touch a nerve it can be wiped out, he can be emotionally withdrawn and sad for days. So I've learnt to stay away from those nerves. But this isn't healthy for either of us and now I'm learning to create my own lovely energy so that I can allow him his cave and hopefully help him deal with the nasties that lurk there.
hugs right back at you
Sage