Thanks, guys. I needed this.
You're not selfish for protecting them from information that could upset them. Nor for protecting yourself. It's self-preservation. You don't owe them any explanations. All they need to know is that Mr. A. is happy.
Yes, I hope that if our relationship reaches a point where they need to know, (ie living together) that they'll remember the happy part and the nice gal they've met and like.
I don't think you'd look like a bitch for that! Lots of people keep FB just for work contacts, etc., or take months and months to accept a friend request. If she ever asks you why you're not accepting it, just say, "Oh, it's better just to reach me through email instead." You could add that you hardly ever check FB, but I don't know if that would be another white lie you'd feel guilty about.
Yes, we had already told her that I don't use it much, and being in IT, see it only as a gateway to identity theft. I think if she asks Mr. A about it, I'll have him give her my MSN.
Seems like the good, the bad and the ugly, of poly
I can imagine myself in your shoes, and I feel so sad that the society we live in is not open to poly lifestyles. Isn't it a shame? Having to "lie" about something that is good! I'm happy you had a good time, sad that you are in this position, and frustrated about the status quo that is messing everything up
Yes, if people could just see the good, the love, and not jump straight to what they perceive to be so horrible.
I also found out this weekend that Mr. A is more than a little worried about his family labelling him as a homewrecker.
Hmm, so Indigo's parents don't know either?
I agree - some families work on the DADT principle, some on the Need To Know Only. I couldn't do either. But it seems by your posts that things are fast progressing to Need To Know.
I think Indigo's family is approaching that point, certainly. I honestly don't know how they'd react.
What is the absolutely most terrible thing you can imagine can come out of this? Heart attack? Disowning? Nobody will ever talk to you again?
Really, you really want to ask someone with an anxiety disorder that question??
I don't see Indigo's family disowning us. Mr. A's family is tight-knit and judgy of each other. I think his parents' reaction would be largely based on what others would think, combined with their own religious beliefs. Unfortunately, Mr. A is still reliant on his parents as a financial safety net. He's a pilot, and he's only been in the career for a handful of years. Not enough time to land a secure job that pays enough to put him above the poverty line. He works long days, with not enough time off to have a second job.
Hmpf, this is the reason why I don't FB. Don't feel comfortable turning down friend requests, and the five people I would unconditionally accept are the five people I hang out with all the time anyway
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With the exception of poly, I don't censor myself on FB. But yeah. Indigo suggested I lock down the settings for the sister, but I'd still have to watch what others posted, and what I posted. It would be far, far too much.
I guess I just need to keep in sight that I'm doing this for Indigo and Mr. A. I've been as honest as my family will allow (Dad knows, but doesn't ask, however will listen to stories, etc.), and that's all I can control.
