PolyElectric
New member
I just need to download all of this… or is it upload? Anyway, I’m divorced in my mid-thirties and have a child with my ex. Well, she’s not exactly my “ex” anymore. We divorced because things really weren’t working in some ways, but looking back, it was still working in other ways. It was a sex thing. Honestly, I don’t even know how to unpack all that right now, but the simplest way to put it is that she hated how I saw sex as a need. And I always found it frustrating trying to figure out how to initiate desire in her. Add a decade of drama surrounding those issues, and it ended in hurt, rejection, and a kind of avoidance of anything sexual because it was just too much for us to unpack, and we couldn’t see eye to eye on it.
So yeah, that was the bad. The good is that we still love each other, and we do have some level of intimacy - just not in the traditional sense. We don’t have sex anymore. We hold hands, cuddle, kiss, but that’s pretty much it. At this point, I’m not even interested in re-exploring sex with her. I’m happy where we are. We’re great teammates when it comes to raising our child, and that works for us. But I still need sex in my life.
To avoid confusion, I’m going to refer to my ex, who isn’t really an “ex” anymore, as June. And if you haven’t figured it out yet, this is complicated.
So, this is where polyamory comes in. June and I developed a connection based on love and working together to raise our child "Kiddo".
I started seeing my girlfriend, Emma, in 2021, and we got off to a rocky start. The first real issue was a miscommunication about whether we should talk to each other before having sex with other partners. Some stuff went down that made me feel disregarded and honestly made me question Emma’s ethics. I actually posted about it on this website a while ago, and everyone thought I should break up with Emma, but I felt like I shouldn’t judge her too harshly. There’s always more to the story, so I decided to give it a chance.
The thing is, a lot has happened since then, and I just want to get it all out. So here’s my download before I get to the good stuff.
1. There was this one incident where Emma had a threesome with our mutual friend and someone else. I talked to our mutual friend about it because I was upset, and the conversation brought up some feelings about consent and all the drama that came with that. That's the one I posted about on this website but I can't find it.
2. A few months after the first incident, there was another situation where Emma hooked up with a guy from our friend group. He was known for being kind of sleazy, and he was married - though allegedly in an open marriage. Anyway, Emma confided in me that she felt like he came on too strong, and she told me she felt assaulted by him.
I kind of lost my cool and confronted the guy at a party. Alcohol played a role. Long story short, I guess his wife overheard us arguing, and it turned into a problem. Later, his wife massaged Emma on social media saying something like, “We’ll stay out of your life, you stay out of ours.”
Emma was really mad at me for that. It caused a major rift in the friend group, and she didn’t want all the drama. She liked being friends with that couple, and I get that. She called me all sorts of things over it - controlling, among others. But, I don’t know if I agree. I was angry at the guy, worried about Emma, and I guess I just lost control and blew up on him. It was a lot for me to handle, and that’s the best way I can explain it.
3. Another thing I struggled with was feeling manipulated at times. Emma would say things like, “If you stay with me tonight, I won’t go sleep with someone else.” It felt like jealousy-baiting, which, I get, we’re in an open relationship, but it was my first time navigating one, and it was all very confusing. Like, obviously, I wanted to stay with her, and obviously, I’d rather be there with her than thinking about someone else with her all night. But I also had other obligations, so when she would do that it felt kind of cruel.
4. The last thing I’ll mention is that Emma and I used to work together. She was actually my work leader. But it wasn’t just me - she had something going on with another coworker, too. This guy was older, married, and I’m not sure if they ever had sex, but I do know they went skinny dipping on a work trip and had what I would consider an inappropriate, flirty, suggestive relationship. And yeah, he was in a monogamous marriage. So, I guess you could call it an emotional affair.
Anyway, after Emma left the company, I stayed, and now this guy is my boss. He doesn’t know I’m dating Emma or that we live together. We kept it a secret because, when he saw us hanging out more, he started acting jealous, and I didn’t want any drama at work. Then, Emma left the job anyway, so I figured it was just my private business at that point. So yeah, now he’s my boss, and he has no idea that I know about the emotional affair he had with Emma... I’ll just refer to him as “Boss.”
How did I fare in all of this? Honestly, it was the most drama and bullshit I’ve ever dealt with in my life. I mean I cant even go into all of it. At one point, I was practically suicidal because everything was piling up - me and Emma were fighting a lot, and it was just a lot to handle. I’m not trying to blame our fights solely on Emma. I was under a ton of stress, losing sleep, and I definitely did my fair share of lashing out. For a while, I had a really negative view of Emma, even though we were still together.
Just to give you some context about what I struggle with: I struggle with forgiveness and living in the present. If someone hurts me, I tend to ruminate on it, write them off, and never trust them again. So why didn’t I just write Emma off? It’s hard to explain. A lot of the issues were just mistakes, miscommunications, or unfortunate circumstances. There was never hard evidence that Emma tried to hurt me. But the bigger reason I didn’t walk away is because Emma was still my work lead, and I was actually afraid to leave her.
The thing is, I couldn’t afford to lose my job at that time because I had a kid to support, and there weren’t many jobs in my field available. I felt like I had to stay on Emma’s good side. There were also other things about Emma’s personality, like how defensive she could get. She had a tendency to spiral into dark places and threaten to air dirty laundry at work - not directly, but by talking really loud and saying private things. So, I kind of felt like I was walking on eggshells, trying to keep Emma happy so I could keep my job. Anyway, it was this feeling of not being able to leave her that got us through to the next stage of the relationship. And I’m glad it did... Stop shaking your head. I’m getting to the good stuff.
So yeah, that was the bad. The good is that we still love each other, and we do have some level of intimacy - just not in the traditional sense. We don’t have sex anymore. We hold hands, cuddle, kiss, but that’s pretty much it. At this point, I’m not even interested in re-exploring sex with her. I’m happy where we are. We’re great teammates when it comes to raising our child, and that works for us. But I still need sex in my life.
To avoid confusion, I’m going to refer to my ex, who isn’t really an “ex” anymore, as June. And if you haven’t figured it out yet, this is complicated.
So, this is where polyamory comes in. June and I developed a connection based on love and working together to raise our child "Kiddo".
I started seeing my girlfriend, Emma, in 2021, and we got off to a rocky start. The first real issue was a miscommunication about whether we should talk to each other before having sex with other partners. Some stuff went down that made me feel disregarded and honestly made me question Emma’s ethics. I actually posted about it on this website a while ago, and everyone thought I should break up with Emma, but I felt like I shouldn’t judge her too harshly. There’s always more to the story, so I decided to give it a chance.
The thing is, a lot has happened since then, and I just want to get it all out. So here’s my download before I get to the good stuff.
1. There was this one incident where Emma had a threesome with our mutual friend and someone else. I talked to our mutual friend about it because I was upset, and the conversation brought up some feelings about consent and all the drama that came with that. That's the one I posted about on this website but I can't find it.
2. A few months after the first incident, there was another situation where Emma hooked up with a guy from our friend group. He was known for being kind of sleazy, and he was married - though allegedly in an open marriage. Anyway, Emma confided in me that she felt like he came on too strong, and she told me she felt assaulted by him.
I kind of lost my cool and confronted the guy at a party. Alcohol played a role. Long story short, I guess his wife overheard us arguing, and it turned into a problem. Later, his wife massaged Emma on social media saying something like, “We’ll stay out of your life, you stay out of ours.”
Emma was really mad at me for that. It caused a major rift in the friend group, and she didn’t want all the drama. She liked being friends with that couple, and I get that. She called me all sorts of things over it - controlling, among others. But, I don’t know if I agree. I was angry at the guy, worried about Emma, and I guess I just lost control and blew up on him. It was a lot for me to handle, and that’s the best way I can explain it.
3. Another thing I struggled with was feeling manipulated at times. Emma would say things like, “If you stay with me tonight, I won’t go sleep with someone else.” It felt like jealousy-baiting, which, I get, we’re in an open relationship, but it was my first time navigating one, and it was all very confusing. Like, obviously, I wanted to stay with her, and obviously, I’d rather be there with her than thinking about someone else with her all night. But I also had other obligations, so when she would do that it felt kind of cruel.
4. The last thing I’ll mention is that Emma and I used to work together. She was actually my work leader. But it wasn’t just me - she had something going on with another coworker, too. This guy was older, married, and I’m not sure if they ever had sex, but I do know they went skinny dipping on a work trip and had what I would consider an inappropriate, flirty, suggestive relationship. And yeah, he was in a monogamous marriage. So, I guess you could call it an emotional affair.
Anyway, after Emma left the company, I stayed, and now this guy is my boss. He doesn’t know I’m dating Emma or that we live together. We kept it a secret because, when he saw us hanging out more, he started acting jealous, and I didn’t want any drama at work. Then, Emma left the job anyway, so I figured it was just my private business at that point. So yeah, now he’s my boss, and he has no idea that I know about the emotional affair he had with Emma... I’ll just refer to him as “Boss.”
How did I fare in all of this? Honestly, it was the most drama and bullshit I’ve ever dealt with in my life. I mean I cant even go into all of it. At one point, I was practically suicidal because everything was piling up - me and Emma were fighting a lot, and it was just a lot to handle. I’m not trying to blame our fights solely on Emma. I was under a ton of stress, losing sleep, and I definitely did my fair share of lashing out. For a while, I had a really negative view of Emma, even though we were still together.
Just to give you some context about what I struggle with: I struggle with forgiveness and living in the present. If someone hurts me, I tend to ruminate on it, write them off, and never trust them again. So why didn’t I just write Emma off? It’s hard to explain. A lot of the issues were just mistakes, miscommunications, or unfortunate circumstances. There was never hard evidence that Emma tried to hurt me. But the bigger reason I didn’t walk away is because Emma was still my work lead, and I was actually afraid to leave her.
The thing is, I couldn’t afford to lose my job at that time because I had a kid to support, and there weren’t many jobs in my field available. I felt like I had to stay on Emma’s good side. There were also other things about Emma’s personality, like how defensive she could get. She had a tendency to spiral into dark places and threaten to air dirty laundry at work - not directly, but by talking really loud and saying private things. So, I kind of felt like I was walking on eggshells, trying to keep Emma happy so I could keep my job. Anyway, it was this feeling of not being able to leave her that got us through to the next stage of the relationship. And I’m glad it did... Stop shaking your head. I’m getting to the good stuff.
