Is it disrespectful to you when he promises to be somewhere and then blows you off and wants you to be ok with that?
Yeah, I feel like it is. But I don´t know if I´m overreacting. I also left him in a time he needed me to meet S. But I have to say: tickets were already booked and then something come out and I said I´d canceled my ticket. He said, no, I should go, I´d still be around when he actually needed me more. Which was true. It was still a tough call for me, but I ended up going to see S. and came back in time to be with A. all the time he needed me. So I´m trying to think I should be okay with it
this time, but I won´t do it again. I told him that.
I guess what I meant was, with green marks:
Still I think for things to work out
for all of us three involved, we should talk and set boundaries, talk about logistics and stuff,
how often they´re planing on seeing each other, also to see if that works for me. But I also know I can´t do anything about it
as she does not agree in talking to me - and by that I mean, the three of us talking/chating together ... I know he likes her, but I don´t like the way she deals with everything regarding our relationship
(mine and A.´s, as she ignores it) and her relationships (
with the now ex-BF, as she cheated, and also about all the drama, not doing it, doing it, calling A. name´s when she first said she was out). So I secretly wish she´d be out sometime very soon. And I hate me for doing that. That´s the first time I even admit it.
I know he likes her, but I don't like the way he deals with everything regarding his relationship with me and his relationship with her.
But you´re right. I do not like the way he´s been dealing with things. I have this feeling he´s protecting her.
You'd still be stuck with A -- the person who behaves poorly toward you. Her leaving would't change any of that.
I always thought he did treat me right and was respectful. I Know he is selfish, but... I was trying to think that if he wants to do his thing, he should and not be around just because he said he would. Maybe I´m just trying to find a way to justify his actions and not to leave him?
With who? Yourself? You are trying set boundaries for you to follow so you can be healthy?
I´m trying to set the boundaries/limits of how much I can handle. Because, as you said, I do love him, and I always thought we have a great relationship together. I keep thinking I´m overreacting...that´s way I´ve been writing in here. To try to get my toughts straight and hear what you, that have been doing poly for a longer time, could tell me - and not the biased opinion of my monogamous friends and family. I´m trying to get clear what is that I´m still biased from socialization and what is actually not a nice behaviour - in poly or mono.
Trying to think straight, here are some points:
+
- He´s been talking more about feelings and how important I am to him. That he doesn´t want to hurt me nor loose me.
- He said he doesn´t want to leave me and if he had to make this choice, even if he likes her, he wouldn´t leave me - he actually told her that.
- We get along really well, have a lot of similar interests.
- We have great sex.
- He gaves me so much freedom. He´s respectful and never jealous toward my relationships/flings.
- He now says he thinks the three of us should talk together...BUT:
-
- He is protecting her in the "she doesn´t want to talk and maybe she never will". Even though it is really important for me. Even though I think it is important for a poly relationship to work - am I romanticizing it? It´s never like that?
- He gets angry if I start talking about their relationship and trying to understand the rush: it seems like a rush to me. They barely know each other, although they´ve been in intense contact for the last 4 weeks. Say they´re together? That´s too much, imo.
- He knew he'd hurt me by going to this race. And he did it. He booked his flight - I know he wants to make it up to me, but, he won´t be there the days I wanted him to be around. I won´t be alone, I have a lot of friends; maybe I´ll end up meeting S. - and that would be lovely. But, still.
Trying to think of other things, I might edit it later or write more.
Am I in denial?