Uh Hi There!

B

Bibi

New member
Hey all,

I’m Bibi and I’m a bi woman newly getting into polyamory. Not really sure what to put into an introductory post but I figured it was polite to introduce myself before I beg for advice lol.
I’ve been in a relationship for about 3 years now and we recently opened up to the idea of poly and it’s been a crazy ride so far. We explored a quad situation and I caught feels while my primary did not, and now it’s a stressful time figuring out what’s happing with the relationships made/not made.
The forum has been a great help in finding actual accounts for poly experiences and I’m so happy to join what seems like a close and helpful community.
 
Last edited:
Hey there,

No worries, I understand. I'm just another member of the forum like you, trying to connect with others and learn more about the polyamory lifestyle. It's great to hear that you've found this community to be helpful so far. I've only been here for about a week myself, but I've already learned so much from the experiences and insights shared by others.

Anyway, if you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to send me a message. I'm always up for making new friends here!
 
Hello and welcome! Every new idea, skill, relationship has a learning curve. Go easy on yourself, there is no rush. Read, learn, think, grow.
 
Bibi said:
Hey all,

I’m Bibi and I’m a bi woman newly getting into polyamory. Not really sure what to put into an introductory post but I figured it was polite to introduce myself before I beg for advice lol.
I’ve been in a relationship for about 3 years now and we recently opened up to the idea of poly and it’s been a crazy ride so far. We explored a quad situation and I caught feels while my primary did not, and now it’s a stressful time figuring out what’s happing with the relationships made/not made.
The forum has been a great help in finding actual accounts for poly experiences and I’m so happy to join what seems like a close and helpful community.
Click to expand...
Feel free to do a search for terms such as quad and triad. Generally these configurations do not work out long term. Most polyamorists date as individuals, in configurations known as Vs, where, for example, you would have 2 partners, A+B, but A and B would not be dating each other. Most find that trying to be in relationships where everyone is dating/having sex with everyone else to be much too complicated and doomed to failure.
 
Magdlyn said:
Most find that trying to be in relationships where everyone is dating/having sex with everyone else to be much too complicated and doomed to failure.
Click to expand...
Ya it would seem that this is unfortunately true. I was really hopeful that the quad would work but two people just weren’t attracted to each other and that definitely changed things.

The super unfortunate thing is that the quad has a strong triad with everyone liking each other (myself and another two), but since my primary and the other woman weren’t attracted to each other it’s gone from quad to triad + 1.

I’m hoping that I’ll be able to figure out something that’ll let me feel my feelings in a way that still supports my primary. But working through that feels muddy and complicated.
 
It is fine if you are lovers with both members of the other couple, but your partner is not attracted to either. And it's fine if they aren't attracted to your partner either. That's the way it usually goes. You are not a CoupleBlob with your partner. You are both individuals with your own preferences. You may want attributes A, B and C from another partner, while your original partner may want attributes C, D and E. There is no reason to try and match up your preferences. You date whom you want, your partner dates whom they want. That's the best and easiest way to do poly. I am not saying there is One True Way to do poly, but the vast experiences from the poly community show this to be the most common way to go.
 
Greetings Bibi,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Haha, no need to beg for advice, just post in Poly Relationships Corner and you will get all the advice you desire. You can also get advice on this intro thread, but on Poly Relationships Corner you can get lots more advice from a lot more people.

Don't feel bad about your quad not ending up in a perfectly symmetrical shape, it doesn't have to work that way, and it usually doesn't work that way. Your primary may find someone that interests them outside your original quad. It's possible to be in a complex web of partners, you don't always get a simple shape like quad, sometimes you get a triad attached to a dyad, or a triad attached to a V attached to a dyad ... honestly, the possibilities are endless.

Anyway, keep reading and posting on the various threads and boards, and let us know whenever a new question arises for you. That's the smartest thing we can do is ask questions, it is how we learn. Anyway it's great to have you with us, I hope you enjoy your stay!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
kdt26417 said:
Greetings Bibi,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Haha, no need to beg for advice, just post in Poly Relationships Corner and you will get all the advice you desire. You can also get advice on this intro thread, but on Poly Relationships Corner you can get lots more advice from a lot more people.

Don't feel bad about your quad not ending up in a perfectly symmetrical shape, it doesn't have to work that way, and it usually doesn't work that way. Your primary may find someone that interests them outside your original quad. It's possible to be in a complex web of partners, you don't always get a simple shape like quad, sometimes you get a triad attached to a dyad, or a triad attached to a V attached to a dyad ... honestly, the possibilities are endless.

Anyway, keep reading and posting on the various threads and boards, and let us know whenever a new question arises for you. That's the smartest thing we can do is ask questions, it is how we learn. Anyway it's great to have you with us, I hope you enjoy your stay!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Click to expand...
Thank you for the kind welcome message!
I’m really excited to explore the forums and get some advice on my particular situation.
Exploring poly for the first time is kinda daunting, but I really appreciate the presence of the forum and all you helpful and kind folks :)
 
We're happy to help, Polyamory.com is a great place to learn.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top