UK therapist to help me understand my first polyamorous relationship

Pinksaffy

New member
Hi,

Can anyone recommend a UK therapist who can help me understand what on earth just happened in my first ever polyamorous relationship? It didn't end well.

My ex-girlfriend is very adamant I don't talk to anyone else about it, even non-mutual friends, because she doesn't want gossip.

But I can't work out if it was all about control and manipulation, making others jealous, even narcissism on her part as some of my monogamous friends have suggested.

I feel like I need someone who understands polyamory to help me understand, to help me find closure.

Also preferably someone not too expensive, as I'm a SAHM with a limited budget from my husband.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Most of our members are from the US. But I'd suggest Googling therapists who are experienced with alternative modes of living, such as LGBTQA+, kinky people, swingers, polyamorists, etc.

You may not find one right nearby right away. I have no idea if you're in or near a large city. But there are lots of therapists who do remote counseling online now. I'm not sure how much therapy is covered under the UK health system.

In the meantime, we have many experienced poly people right here on this board who are great at helping to break down problems. That's what the purpose of this board is. Everyone is anonymous. So feel free to lay our your problem. You may not agree with everyone's opinion or advice, but you'll get a range of ideas, some of which could help. :)
 

Pinksaffy

New member
Thank you very much for replying. I've since managed to find a therapist.

I know it's anonymous but I still don't think my ex-girlfriend would like to read details about her relationships on the internet.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello Pinksaffy,

I can give you a couple of links for poly-friendly UK therapists, let me know if you need that. It sounds like you found the therapist you were looking for, so we are good for now.

So sorry to hear about your recent breakup. If there's anything we can do to help, let us know.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 

MeeraReed

Active member
If you want to post on an anonymous forum to get advice about your recent breakup (which is a reasonable thing that many people have come here to do!), it's not any of your ex-girlfriend's business and her feelings about it shouldn't matter. You are free to make anonymous posts about your own experiences on the internet.

The fact that your ex doesn't want to you to talk to ANYONE about it--well, yipes. That suggests to me that she is indeed all about control and manipulation.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
I'm very sorry this happened.

In case it helps you with the new therapist....


But I can't work out if it was all about control and manipulation, making others jealous, even narcissism on her part as some of my monogamous friends have suggested.

I don't know if these links help you any.

The Wheels for Power and Control vs Healthy Dating


Learn About Coercive Control And Psychological Abuse

https://speakoutloud.net/

Only a doctor could actually dx her, and she is you ex. Her healthcare is her business. Not yours.

But in terms of helping you make sense of you experience... in case it helps.


You were the one actually there. You know what behavior you observed or experienced with this person.

I know it's already over with this ex, but in case it helps you as an assessment tool the next time you are contemplating a break up. I give it to my kids but I think any age person could use it.


I know it's anonymous but I still don't think my ex-girlfriend would like to read details about her relationships on the internet.

So long as you use anonymous names and don't say anything about specific location inside the UK? Or get to deep detail? Why would she even find herself here? And even if she did, she could turn the browser window off and not read it.

I feel like I need someone who understands polyamory to help me understand, to help me find closure.

I think people can create their own closure. So do what you need to help you heal from this break up.

Again, I'm sorry it happened this way. Wishing you peace and healing over time.

Galagirl
 
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