UK therapist to help me understand my first polyamorous relationship

P

Pinksaffy

New member
Hi,

Can anyone recommend a UK therapist who can help me understand what on earth just happened in my first ever polyamorous relationship? It didn't end well.

My ex-girlfriend is very adamant I don't talk to anyone else about it, even non-mutual friends, because she doesn't want gossip.

But I can't work out if it was all about control and manipulation, making others jealous, even narcissism on her part as some of my monogamous friends have suggested.

I feel like I need someone who understands polyamory to help me understand, to help me find closure.

Also preferably someone not too expensive, as I'm a SAHM with a limited budget from my husband.
 
Most of our members are from the US. But I'd suggest Googling therapists who are experienced with alternative modes of living, such as LGBTQA+, kinky people, swingers, polyamorists, etc.

You may not find one right nearby right away. I have no idea if you're in or near a large city. But there are lots of therapists who do remote counseling online now. I'm not sure how much therapy is covered under the UK health system.

In the meantime, we have many experienced poly people right here on this board who are great at helping to break down problems. That's what the purpose of this board is. Everyone is anonymous. So feel free to lay our your problem. You may not agree with everyone's opinion or advice, but you'll get a range of ideas, some of which could help. :)
 
Thank you very much for replying. I've since managed to find a therapist.

I know it's anonymous but I still don't think my ex-girlfriend would like to read details about her relationships on the internet.
 
Hello Pinksaffy,

I can give you a couple of links for poly-friendly UK therapists, let me know if you need that. It sounds like you found the therapist you were looking for, so we are good for now.

So sorry to hear about your recent breakup. If there's anything we can do to help, let us know.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
If you want to post on an anonymous forum to get advice about your recent breakup (which is a reasonable thing that many people have come here to do!), it's not any of your ex-girlfriend's business and her feelings about it shouldn't matter. You are free to make anonymous posts about your own experiences on the internet.

The fact that your ex doesn't want to you to talk to ANYONE about it--well, yipes. That suggests to me that she is indeed all about control and manipulation.
 
I'm very sorry this happened.

In case it helps you with the new therapist....


But I can't work out if it was all about control and manipulation, making others jealous, even narcissism on her part as some of my monogamous friends have suggested.
Click to expand...

I don't know if these links help you any.

The Wheels for Power and Control vs Healthy Dating

Power and Control – YWCA Spokane

ywcaspokane.org ywcaspokane.org

Learn About Coercive Control And Psychological Abuse

https://speakoutloud.net/

Only a doctor could actually dx her, and she is you ex. Her healthcare is her business. Not yours.

But in terms of helping you make sense of you experience... in case it helps.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) — Out of the FOG | Personality Disorders, Narcissism, NPD, BPD

Introduction Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious condition which affects an estimated 1% of the population. Narcissism is characterized by an extreme self-interest and promotion with an accompanying lack of concern for the needs of others. Narcissism is named after the mythological Gree
outofthefog.website outofthefog.website

You were the one actually there. You know what behavior you observed or experienced with this person.

I know it's already over with this ex, but in case it helps you as an assessment tool the next time you are contemplating a break up. I give it to my kids but I think any age person could use it.

www.scarleteen.com

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Feeling unhappy in or unsure about your relationship? Having problems you don’t know how to work through, or don’t even know if you should? We’ll talk you through making these choices, including how-to’s on conflict resolution and doing breakups better.
www.scarleteen.com www.scarleteen.com

I know it's anonymous but I still don't think my ex-girlfriend would like to read details about her relationships on the internet.
Click to expand...

So long as you use anonymous names and don't say anything about specific location inside the UK? Or get to deep detail? Why would she even find herself here? And even if she did, she could turn the browser window off and not read it.

I feel like I need someone who understands polyamory to help me understand, to help me find closure.
Click to expand...

I think people can create their own closure. So do what you need to help you heal from this break up.

Again, I'm sorry it happened this way. Wishing you peace and healing over time.

Galagirl
 


I'm in my first poly relationship that is getting quite serious, they have given me the time at the start to adjust to this new way for me and with the strong communication we have, it helps, but there are things I need to discuss with someone else and my friend groups can't process it as they are not poly, the only poly people i know are her partners so I would t feel cpmfratbale discussing the insecurity of out relationship and myself with them..

So I've found a good therapist that deals in all different aspects off theory as well as poly relationships based in South london...

I've had one season so far and it felt amazing to unburen the thoughts and fears I've had and learn new things about my own insecurities.

If you need any advice, or a chat, please feel free to PM me and it be nice to also discuss things with someone too as we not all in this alone

I hope the link helps
 
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